Fil reaction to dh telling him we are having a baby

[Stuckinthemiddlewithyouuhoh]

Ohhh thought you’d have some decent holidays first

we were married and had a house and been together over 6 years And well traveled
by that point so hardly suprising

just thinking What an odd reaction

This.

I think it’s related to his own experience. Having children changes your life. I wish I had travelled more! But I wouldn’t change them.

Your overthinking
people often just say the first thing that comes into there head

My MIL knew we’d had years of infertility and treatment. Her reaction was to say ‘oh no, I don’t want more grandchildren, do you have to’. Then told us nieces and nephews should be enough for us so why would we want them. She wasn’t particularly interested in any of her GC.

I would be shocked at my DD having babies at 40 🤷‍♀️

When I told my darling DF I was expecting our second child he said “oh you’re very fecund!” 🤣

Mine said ‘Oh, poor child.’. She needed a while to work through her own unhappy childhood and surprise motherhood and is now a fabulous grandma. DS is the apple of her eye.

As a fairly new grandmother (and I'd been waiting very eagerly!) I have to admit my reaction wasn't exactly stellar. No idea what came over me, but I burst into tears and felt very sad for my DS. No idea why! I momentarily saw him as being very young and vulnerable I think. I absolutely adore the baby and thankfully his wife wasn't there when he told me. Just saying as some sort of defense for those who haven't had the reactions they were hoping for.

Yes I think this is a very good example of how we can have really odd emotions/thoughts on hearing that your own child is having a child. It's not a reflection of how you feel about the baby at all.

Mother in law. Who was reliving her own childhood.

My mother was very difficult at the pregnancy/baby stage. I was an accident, she never had the visceral need for a child and in 1960 got marroed to a man who wasn't right (but wonderfu) in an empore line dress.

Her words "well that will ruin your life", when ds2 died at 27 weeks (a heart condition incompatible with life - we had him for a few hours), when I called her when I was very low and in a dark place "you should think yiurself lucky, you coukd have a severely disabled child". My father would have given her a talking to but step enabled her - always has, always will (they are 89 and 82 now).

Despite her horror at us wanting a baby, she was besotted with her wonderful, perfect, beautiful grandchildren. Had they been odd or unattractive in any way, she would have been less so - classic narc.

We have a grandchild on the way and I'm pleased DS and DIL didn't tell us until 12/13 weeks. Having had many losses, I might have struggled with enthusiasm had they told us earlier and I'd have struggled with the worry. We are quietly excited and hope to be good grandparents.

Perhaps he could offer to babysit whilst they go away then? But blurting out ‘I thought you’d have traveled more’ is rude to say, even if they were 21 and hadn’t travelled.

@massinsaln in short, yes, I do think that's a reasonable strategy. You have gone through a great deal, with much more to come. I would not allow anyone or anything to cause you stress at this point. If you end up with a healthy pregnancy & resulting baby (& I most certainly hope you do) then there is plenty of time to celebrate together. Best of luck x

My sister has a difficult relationship with our parents and told them in a very awkward way. My mum spoke really loudly about something irrelevant and my dad said congratulations but was quite shell shocked. My sister avoided them for most of the rest of the pregnancy. The next day I was still there and they very excitedly but totally impractically bought a JOB LOT of spoons to find a silver one for the baby.

A few years later, I'm visiting to tell them that I'm pregnant - I was already 35, and my dad had already told me that they didn't expect any more grandchildren in a "no pressure" way.

They had just had my sister's sons to visit and it was all I could do to get them to shut up about them to show them my scan picture. They were a lot more positive with me, but they'd had practice by then.

Gosh, what did thattimenow say.

My MIL was pissed off as she had apparently told everyone we weren’t having children (not based on anything we had said to her) and would now look stupid untelling them. She concluded she’d have to say it was an accident (it wasn’t). FIL just looked awkward. They must have come around to the idea as a couple of months later they were consulting a solicitor about imagined grandparents rights and them having set custody (we were a professional couple with our own home and not a hint of any safeguarding issues). Honestly it was all very bizarre.

When my sister told our mum she was pregnant (aged 29, in a relationship), mum said "oh no, I KNEW you'd do this to me one day".

When I told mum I was getting contact lenses (had specs since ages 9) she said "oh no, you poor thing".

Weird.

I was 26 when I was pregnant with my son, I've been with his dad since we were 18 and lived have together since 20. My dad's reaction to the news? "Oh well these things happen, it's alright". 🤦🏻‍♀️ it was a very much planned pregnancy 😂

My FIL said “but I’m 65!!” My response of “it’s ok, you’re not the father” went down like a lead balloon.
my nan told me I’d destroyed my career. Cheers nan.

Not a relative, but when I was pregnant with DC1, a work colleague said "Oh wow, was it planned?" when I told her.

It just seems to be an announcement that makes people blurt out the first thing that pops into their head. And for some reason that isn't always 'congratulations'.

My own parents said 'oh, well done...' Very odd