What do you spend on adult children for birthdays

[LovelyJubblycoco]

I have three children in their thirties all struggling financially. My eldest would love something that costs £300. I never usually spend that much but it’s something they can’t afford. What is the consensus ?

I spend £100 on adult DC birthday and £150 on a birthday ending in 0.

£100, give or take. If it was something they needed I'd consider spending more but not if it was just something they wanted.

If you can afford it it's irrelevant what others spend.

My father bought me something that cost £320 as a joint birthday/Christmas gift when I was in my 50s. I absolutely love it and asked him not to buy me further presents at all because it was so extravagant and amazing.

Can you afford it? Why not? I would if it would make my child happy and I could afford it. Money is to be enjoyed.

My dc are not yet adults, but for context, my mum buys me nothing for my birthday and MIL spends maybe £50 on Dh.

I usually give mine about £50 (or a present to that value), then dinner and drinks out with us and some of their friends. But if either of them were struggling financially and wanted something specific and I could afford it that's what they would have.

It’s difficult as one of my others has a birthday very close and I won’t be spending the same on them. Mainly because they never send me anything.

If you can afford it, give it.
We can afford it and give considerable cash amounts. Maxing out our gift allowance if finances allow each year.

If I could afford it and I knew they’d love it then I’d buy it, although I wouldn’t usually spend that much.I know they wouldn’t like it if I spent more than I could afford. So it would depend very much on what you can easily afford. I don’t usually give money as presents-but I have just send my DS £150 for his birthday because he’s going away with his gf for his birthday, and I want them to have some splurge money.

Is giving money towards the item an acceptable compromise?

Then don’t spend such a large amount on one 'child'. You’d be making it look like favouritism. It could be very divisive and cause bad feeling in the family.

I suggested that but he is absolutely broke

I don’t think there’s a consensus beyond what you can afford and are happy to give.
It’s not helpful to compare as everyone’s situation is different.

My parents send me £150 on my birthday to spend on something nice for myself.

I spend £100 each and £50 each on boyfriends . Their boyfriends parents spend around £100 on my DDs and £300 on their sons but I can not afford that!!!!
my parents spend around £50 on dh and £75 on me. Pils spend £30 on me and £50 on dh

What's the item? If he's absolutely broke, wouldn't he be better off with the money? If it was for something like a sofa or TV or bed that would make a huge difference to daily life, I'd pay for it if I could afford it. If it was something that was purely a luxury, I wouldn't.

Will the other one - the one who doesn't acknowledge your birthday - know you gave something expensive to this one?

How do people know so much about what other people spend on presents? Unless it’s cash or vouchers of course…

We spend £300

I give dd £200. She will get £500 for her 30th this year. I can afford it and she is very appreciative!

Well, it will be very useful to him. Something that will make his life a lot easier. The other one won’t know I don’t think. I usually buy them things they desperately need. Like a tumble drier .

Between £200 and £300 approx . Depends what they want , I don't buy for the sake of it.

I would just buy it if it is going to be useful, make him happy and you can afford it. I have an only so tend to spoil him a bit birthdays and Christmas.

About £50 on my DD, DS and DDIL (all in their 30's/ 40's) a little more for a 'big' birthday. My adult neices about £20 again a bit more for a big birthday.
But we don't tend to do big spending on birthdays/ Christmas.
None of my kids would ask for or expect me to spend £300, but that's because they earn more than me and as i say we don;t really do that kind of spending.
I do buy odd gifts throughout the year if I see something they might like.

But if you can afford it and you want to buy your DS this gift then that's entirely up to you. It's not an intrinsically 'wrong' thing to do.

I personally wouldn't spend far more on one child than the other (although I don't think they'd care much if I did) If they desperately needed something that would make life easier I would lend them the money (but then probably 'forget' to ask for it back, I've given money for vet bills for example in the past). Could you loan your son the money for the item as a separate thing from his birthday present ?

He already owes me quite a lot which he’s paying back . I’m just going to buy it for him.