What do people do with SM accounts of those who passed?

[RandomNC2]

I just had a ‘memory’ of a post from years ago pop up on my SM of someone who passed. Really sad circumstances but the friendship circle from that time was devastated when it happened. I’m no longer part of this circle but I can imagine this pops up for them too (look back at this with this person). None of the events surrounding this were peaceful and I can’t imagine people thinking ‘oh that’s a sweet memory, I was to look back and reminisce of the good times’. I can only imagine it quite triggering.

I don’t think in this particular case the family would do anything to suspend this account but makes me wonder if that’s the reality now as we get older? Do people generally try to flag these accounts (I think on Facebook a family member can say this person is no longer here so it limits the notifications)? Do we just learn to get by with these memories popping up?

I just had a ‘memory’ of a post from years ago pop up on my SM of someone who passed.

Sorry for the loss of your friend.

Most social media platforms allow YOU to control what notifications you see, so it's up to you to turn them off.

Just because you react that way to a memory doesn't mean other people will. Everyone handles grief differently. Some people might smile warmly at the memory of the person.

To answer your wider question, my recent experience is that most social media accounts are just left as they are after a person dies. It depends on the account but something like Facebook or Twitter may give comfort as they can read back over what the person wrote. More offen though, unless someone has a terminal illness so they have time and the death is expected, in many cases the relatives won't necessarily know about all the accounts or have access to them anyway.

I have loads of people who have died on my social media still wish them a happy heavenly birthday and all that sort of stuff.

Thats nice. 🌺

I suppose @SirQuintus is right, we all approach grief differently. I have one relative who’s birthday pops up every year and I have some regrets there so it does sting a little. But to the point about controlling notifications, I almost can’t let go / erase them completely.

It’s an interesting way we live now, before SM you would rely on yourself to remember and you’d do it in your own way. Now it can all take you by surprise.

I have never removed the account of someone that’s died. Eventually the family might. A very good friend died 8 years ago. Her number is still in my phone, and her birthday is still on my Apple calendar.

I did remove my sister's social media when she died. I didn't like things popping up at unexpected times. But honestly the admin was so hard to navigate - it nearly took as long as probate. It was unnecessarily difficult at an awful time. I've since learnt that you can set what happens to your accounts when you die - and set some one up to be the admin.

I have someone that died 2 years ago in mine. A few people have posted memories on the anniversary or on her bday. What upset me was those messages that you can just press the button to get for happy birthday - thought they are not here and you haven’t even noticed.

That’s exactly it. It can be really difficult with the constant reminders, especially if it’s not just the birthday notification but posts and photos people were tagged in.

It's possible to memorialise a Facebook account. I don't know about others.

Yes I think only relatives can though?

You can always unfriend the account and delete the memories if they come up.

It depends. If the deceased has named someone as a legacy contact, they can do it, even if they're not related.

Otherwise, yes - the person concerned would have to prove that they were the next of kin and if they've not been named as a legacy contact then there are restrictions.

I know but then that feels somehow harsh…

I find it a bit strange when up pops
"Jane Smith likes Marks and Spencer" several years after Jane died. But I don't want to defriend, it seems disloyal. Also, on desktop FB, at the bottom right of my screen there is a box for contacts in Messenger and mine is full of dead friends even though I don't recall ever using Messenger with them. I'd like to get rid of that.

The same thing happens on my dad's birthday. He's been gone almost 7 years and they still post like he's still here 🙄😔

When in this position as next of kin, I memorialised the account very quickly. I just had to provide evidence of death. I provided a scan of the funeral leaflet. It was very quick and easy.

You can but the private messages disappear. We've kept my dad's active.

I’ve got a sadly deceased colleague who passed age 30, I get a notification on his birthday each year to wish him a happy birthday and his parents and close friends post on his page to say they’re missing him etc. I feel like it’s a way to not let that person be forgotten

We still see my deceased partner’s account. I find it comforting.

I was really sad when my friend’s Facebook account disappeared about a year after her death, and all her photos, recordings of her voice etc were gone. Presumably her family didn’t want it there which is of course their right. I should have thought to download things in case that happened. I used to look at her photos and videos frequently.

I can definitely see both sides here. It’s nice for people who find comfort. My friend sadly didn’t die in ‘peaceful’ circumstances so it just becomes a strange kind of notification every time

Mine didn’t either unfortunately but like you I can see both sides. Some people will find comfort in it and others will find it upsetting. Oddly, I find the Facebook memories of my late dogs upsetting. Especially the ‘then and now’ suggestions with a blank photo in the ‘now’ space.

I memorialised my husband's but he didn't use private messaging, so that wasn't an issue.

I was able to memorialise my Dad's with a copy of his death certificate.
I wouldn't have bothered, but we had some really funny interactions i wanted to revisit from time to time

In my case, I was the legacy contact and used DH's online obituary as proof of death.

I’ve lost my dad and my OH. I’ve kept both their social media accounts. I like looking back on their accounts and what they have posted