What do people do with SM accounts of those who passed?

[RandomNC2]

I just had a ‘memory’ of a post from years ago pop up on my SM of someone who passed. Really sad circumstances but the friendship circle from that time was devastated when it happened. I’m no longer part of this circle but I can imagine this pops up for them too (look back at this with this person). None of the events surrounding this were peaceful and I can’t imagine people thinking ‘oh that’s a sweet memory, I was to look back and reminisce of the good times’. I can only imagine it quite triggering.

I don’t think in this particular case the family would do anything to suspend this account but makes me wonder if that’s the reality now as we get older? Do people generally try to flag these accounts (I think on Facebook a family member can say this person is no longer here so it limits the notifications)? Do we just learn to get by with these memories popping up?

My Dad didn't put any legacy contact, I was worried, but it turned out to be quite straightforward

A friend (who had moved to the other side of the world and I kept in touch with by social media) died unexpectedly almost 6 years ago. I still have her in my friends list.

My friend sadly didn’t die in ‘peaceful’ circumstances so it just becomes a strange kind of notification every time

It doesnt matter though does it (to their memory) - how they died whether it was peaceful or not. Social media records are about their life and that's the point. People who love a person and were close to them, seeing a social media post memory of the person they love, will be remembering them and the joy and love they had with that person. No one really close to the person is going to be thinking 'goodness the death was so traumatic I want to never think of them ever again.' I could be wrong obviously as people are different but if you are having that sense, it is probably because you weren't that close so the memory of the circumstances of the death is more 'live' in your frame of reference than time spent with them.

A worse problem is phone numbers. I have several in my phone of deceased people that I can't bring myself to delete. One of them, a close friend, never used WhatsApp and I dread the day the number is reallocated and pops up on WhatasApp with random profile photo. I've had that happen with friends who've just changed numbers and some of them have been hilarious - like a petitie pretty blonde woman suddenly becoming a massive, muscle bound meat head of a man.

I haven't read all previous posts so sorry if this has already been answered.

A few of my parent's friends who have passed have their Facebook profile set as a memorial page - I'm not sure how you do this but I think there is a way. So their profile is still there with photos, but it says at the top "this is a memorial page" or whatever.

I know a few younger people who've passed away who were on Instagram and quite often their friends will post a picture and "tag" them in it saying like "miss you" or "happy heavenly birthday" but I don't think anyone manages the page.

My mum usually deletes people once they've passed though. She got a few notifications saying "Bill's birthday today!" for example, and she thought "I wish I hadn't been reminded of that!" so just deleted them as a friend.

I contacted Facebook after a family member died. Provider the death certificate date of birth etc. they turned the account into a memorial account. People can’t post and I suspect old posts won’t pop up as memories. It changed its status so you see “in memory of [name]” - so people would know it had happened in a gentler way. Also means I still get to look at the account and smile at happy memories

My mum still has a FB page- she died 13 years ago. I can’t bring myself to close it. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I'm 28 and I don't use my Facebook (deactivated). But I have 2 friends on there who passed away during our teen years. One was 15 and passed from leukemia and the other was 18 and had a heart condition which no one knew about, passed in her sleep💔. I couldn't ever delete them even though their pages are "in memorial" now. It's crazy thinking how many pages are people who aren't with us anymore.

Personally I find it comforting seeing the shared memory. I can't imagine anyone would find it awkward because if you've loved someone who's passed you think about them and miss them. It could possibly be a trigger for those who have been trying to move on in which case there are ways to avoid seeing the posts. Xx

Exactly, knowing it's there to look at is so comforting. I've downloaded videos and photos in case this happens, I'm sorry you didn't get chance to. There could be a way I hope? Xx

Unfortunately some relatives are able to set up a sm account in another's name after the person has died. The deceased may have detested sm........I know one instance of this.

My Ddad died unexpectedly. Despite having her own Facebook account, my mother started using Facebook on his phone with his account. It was a shock to see dad is 'active'. We'd forget that he was gone for a second before realising again. She couldn't understand that this was upsetting and wouldn't stop. She wouldn't memorialise his account.

Same with his WhatsApp number. I nearly died on my way to work one morning when 'dad' added me to a WhatsApp group, 2 months after his death.

Not social media but phone numbers of close family and a friend.ive still got their numbers doesnt feel right to delete.

We had a situation with my late dad's Facebook account where it seemed like we couldn't do anything to shut it down without knowing his log in which we didn't. We didn't mind his page being there until one day some sick twat hacked it and removed his profile picture and swapped it to one of a random woman. We messaged the hacker and told them they had stolen a dead mans account, removed his image and caused hurt to his family and could they close it now. They did thankfully and I hope it made them think twice about hacking accounts when they don't know if that person has passed!

My partner's weird uncle started texting everyone from his Nana's phone the day after we cremated her! Not cool!

I changed my husbands into a memory page, so people can post tributes on anniversary etc. I had to send copy of death certificate. We did the same with my mum. I googled Facebook help on who to contact. You could turn off notifications if you don’t want to see memory come up for that person I think.

You can nominate someone to take charge of your fb account, I put dh on mine when I set mine up

One of the main reasons I keep my facebook account is to see the memories each day of my interactions with my mum. Bittersweet, they become more and more distant in time, but I’m not ready to let them go just yet.

That’s absolutely awful, wtf

It really was and he had a lot of photos of us all that he had stored on his Facebook page and it felt so intrusive!

I do wonder if eventually Meta will remove profiles that aren't memorialised and haven't been accessed for e.g 10 years. The data must sit on a server somewhere in the world taking up space.

In my case, someone copied my husband's profile photograph and name and sent out friend requests to various people. Obviously a foreigner - they thought that it was a woman's account. (The photo had both of us.)

I reported it, but also sent a sweary message to the miscreant. The account disappeared.

I’ve seen FB accounts belonging to dead people with ‘remembering’ in front of their names.

Yes, those are memorialised accounts.

Hacking is one of me fears with my daughter's Facebook. I still send her photos like I always did and post on special dates. I don't have access to the back end so don't know if they will. But if hackers got into it I'd find it distressing I think.

I get why people think it weird to keep an account, but it did absolutely enrage me when someone did it to FIL’s account (they used the order of service as proof) when MIL, DH and BIL had decided to leave it as normal.

it should be entirely the decision of the closest kin, especially as once a page is memorialised it becomes completely public so all of the photos lose the privacy settings chosen by the person.