Attachment disorder

[Salveregina]

Anybody with a background in psychology able to explain to me real world examples of what types of abuse and neglect would cause attachment disorder?

My understanding is that people with attachment dosorder may have had a parent who is frightening. With a particularly sensitive child, could a parent shouts a few times a weekbecause the kids aren't getting their shoes on/aren't listening (for example) cause attachment disorder?

My reason for asking is that I have an autistic pre teen and his speech and language therapist has said he shows attachment disorder like traits. One of my deepest, darkest fears is that I have caused his issues from not always being calm, sometimes being short tempered. In fairness to myself I have always been loving, attentive to needs and ready to attempt "repair" after rupture.

Could someone with knowledge explain to me what an abusive and scary parent might look like vs a typical loving, mostly consistent, sometimes shouty parent?

I think it’s important to remember firstly that autism is a complex genetic condition that can’t be worsened by a parent getting frustrated and shouting unless that shouting is not balanced with the parent showing love and affection for the child. Autism often puts enormous pressure on parents which may well lead to worse behaviour in parents!

Also, attachment disorders are something that can be worked on so all is not lost of your son does have one. Can you ask the speech therapist to elaborate on what kind of attachment disorder she thinks she sees and what the causes of this may be?

Yes it is surrounding consistency. E.g. if he misses a session with her due to illness, it's like he needs to start all over again with building his trust with her.

With me, he is very clingy.

What traits is she talking about specifically? Does she have extensive experience of working with autistic children and understand the wide range of how this might present? I'm just wondering if the behaviours she's referring to could actually be part of his autism? No two autistic children present in the same way and all have their own innate personality traits.

Yes...SLT is v experienced with autistic children both in speciloast settings and on EOTAS packages.

Apart from my explanation above I dont know whatbother traits she sees, will push for more infor next time I talk to her.

I really don’t think an SLT is suitably qualified to diagnose an attachment disorder.

Fair point...she isn't diagnosing though, just reflecting on his behaviours that she sees. She has been working with him for three years. I think she was saying that he is like another of her young people she works with who has attachment disorder-I had asked her if she hsd other children on her caseload who behave in the ways my child does.

I don’t know how asking the question here can help you. You’re not at fault for trying your best here and even if you have shouted at a child (within reason) it’s happened and you can’t go back and change it. It sounds like you’re using this as a stick to beat yourself with when you’ve got enough to deal with.

Hmmm. In my experience sometimes attachment disorder traits can overlap with how autistic traits or difficulties can be interpreted. They are hard to diagnose and differentiate from Autism, hence why Autism is listed as a differential diagnosis. Usually to diagnose attachment based disorders you need evidence of significant or relevant neglect/other disrupted attachments.
Not commonly diagnosed in children from my experience! (CAMHS/Therapy/Social Work)

The Coventry grid is designed to differentiate between ASD and attachment issues, as the behaviours are so similar. But stem from different needs so need different responses.

I doubt the normal range of 'parent gets annoyed sometimes ' is sufficient for attachment disorders.

Attachment disorder is generally caused by trauma, not necessarily abuse or neglect.

A child I taught a few years ago had attachment disorder due to parental bereavement. In phsycology terms, the attachment between the parent and child had been broken causing them to push away all other adults in their life whilst simultaneously acting out to get attention to seek that attachment they previously got from their parent.

I wouldn't like to guess, and I don't think anyone should try to guess, without meeting your DS but I highly doubt an attachment disorder could be caused by a parent shouting occasionally.

Attachment disorder is common when a child has been abandoned/neglected/not cared for.

In your case with an autistic child I wouldn't interpret him clinging to you as an attachment disorder; he's anxious which is very common for ASD. My DS1 16 was the same and I'm a sahm and he has never lacked attention and love. Unfortunately he's got OCD and is very anxious. I think it's due to his limited comprehension of the world and others. But at the same time he's intelligent enough to know that he understands less than others which makes him anxious and prone to ask the same questions over and over again for reassurance.

They used to say autism was caused by "cold" mothers. Now they know it's a neurological syndrom. Please don't look at yourself as guilty for your DS's autism. If you haven't neglected/abandoned/abused him then tell his speech therapist that she should stick to what she's trained to do. See a child psychiatrist if you're worried- but don't listen to people who are not qualified playing the diagnosis game.

All parents shout at their kids at times OP. No it’s not great to shout but we’ve all been there. But it’s not the type of thing that causes attachment disorders.

I’ll start by saying I’m not a psychologist, but I have worked with a number of children with attachment disorders. In my experience children with these disorders had their early bonding / relationship with their caregivers significantly disrupted for whatever reason. It could severe abuse, trauma or neglect, all the way to events way outside of parents’ control such as post natal depression, parental illness resulting in separation from child, parent dying etc.

Also autistic traits and signs of attachment disorders sometimes overlap. Not sure why the SLT feels qualified to comment or suggest this.

Yes I do worry about it a lot. And probably do beat myself up about anything I may have done but my logical mind says I have been a reasonable, loving, good enough parent who did the best they could with what I knew at the time.

I've found it very challenging to bring up ND children, particularly the one with greatest needs.

If it is any comfort, my eldest was s** abused as a child, and has a diagnosis of autism. The psychiatrists ruled out attachment disorder before they would diagnose autism. So if your child has been diagnosed with autism then I am sure that a similar process would have been followed.

I worked with a child with attachment disorder. Both her parents were heroin addicts when she was a baby.
I'm not an expert but from what you've said I'd be absolutely amazed if your son had an attachment disorder OP.

Did she say Attachment Disorder or that he has challenges with attachment? Attachment Disorder is caused normally by significant trauma. But autism can make it hard for children to form attachments .

A bit of shouting isn't going to cause either of these.

Yes I feel I have misrepresented the SLT unfairly here. It was a comment made in our weekly catch up conversation and perhaps she shouldn't have said it. She said what she was seeing was "attachment disorder-ish"

I'd say it was more that she was suggesting might try approaches with my child that had worked with children who have attachment disorder because she felt it might work with my child too.

I'm also coming at this with the context of having a mother in law who always accused me and dh of causing trauma to our child (without her ever actually being able to say what trauma had occured) which really upset me at the time. It was like it planted a little seed of doubt in my mind, I have always been a bit of a people pleaser and to be criticised about the way I was bringing up a child I deeply love shook me quite a bit. Admittedly COVID lockdowns and then the return to "normal" were very challenging for our child and yes, I concede that this may well have been traumatic for him(and millions of others!). We didnt cause it though.

I agree that they usually rule out attachment disorders before diagnosing autism. Certainly seems to be the case where I am anyway.

I agree with Freshlinks. My work and personal experience is a clinical psychologist is qualified to diagnose attachment disorders. Other skilled professionals working with children will refer to a recognised expert
Dont fall into self blame. ASD is complex. Each child is different. You love him, you’re working with his support team. Look after yourself

It might be helpful to know what a good attachment is.
In its most simplest form, attachment is from birth and a child knowing their needs are going to be consistently met. Eg I get a response when I cry. I will have an attuned caregiver.

Hence caregivers who are inconsistent due to mental health, substance misuse or are neglectful will not meet their child's needs in this area.

Forgot your MIL. What do you think? Are you close with your ds?

It's this. I'm not sure your SLT knows what she's talking about.

Some children just need a bit of extra reassurance.

SALT needs to stay in her own lane and be very careful about the language that she uses about her patients. She certainly is extremely unlikely to be qualified to diagnose attachment disorders.

A parent shouting on occasion will not cause huge amounts of trauma. Don’t blame yourself .. It sounds more serious and definitely not likely to be caused by shouting. Be kind to yourself x

Yes. 100%. We have been through an awful lot with him and continue to do so. We love him and do our best.

We have even less to do with MIL these days.