Attachment disorder

[Salveregina]

Anybody with a background in psychology able to explain to me real world examples of what types of abuse and neglect would cause attachment disorder?

My understanding is that people with attachment dosorder may have had a parent who is frightening. With a particularly sensitive child, could a parent shouts a few times a weekbecause the kids aren't getting their shoes on/aren't listening (for example) cause attachment disorder?

My reason for asking is that I have an autistic pre teen and his speech and language therapist has said he shows attachment disorder like traits. One of my deepest, darkest fears is that I have caused his issues from not always being calm, sometimes being short tempered. In fairness to myself I have always been loving, attentive to needs and ready to attempt "repair" after rupture.

Could someone with knowledge explain to me what an abusive and scary parent might look like vs a typical loving, mostly consistent, sometimes shouty parent?

No.

a parent shouting isn’t going to cause attachment disorder.

it has significant overlaps in clinical features with autism which is why during investigations leading to a diagnosis both need to be considered.

sorry -second post - real world examples would include severe sexual or physical abuse before the age of two.

in general of abuse occurs the later it is developmentally the more the child has already developed down the “normal” track and the less impact it has on personality formation.

(Ibviously on a personal level it is horrendous regardless).

see Rumanian orphanages etc.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1980s%E2%80%931990s_Romanian_orphans_phenomenon

It would be helpful OP for you to learn about attachment styles. We all have attachment behaviour which is our blueprint for how we interpret our main carer when in our formative and childhood years, how we interpret ourselves and how we interpret other people around us

Our styles both influence and are influenced by others.

You need to know what your own style is and how that may have interplayed and formed his.

Thats not necessarily a 'disorder', what she might be saying is she seess an attachment style which might be challenging for him, causing challenges for him and yourself.

IME certain professionals bandy about attachment disorder more than they should. Autistic people can show different attachment styles to ND people, and this seems to confuse some people who’d rather use AD to pass the buck back to the mother who then feels responsible for damaging her child. It feels like Bettelheim’s refrigerator mother theory all over again!

There is a difference between an attachment disorder and attachment difficulties. The first one is a psychological disorder and is rare, even among children who have experienced trauma. Attachment difficulties are much more common and there are different ‘types’ depending on the circumstances and parenting that children have been brought up with.
There is an overlap in symptoms of autism and of attachment, and ASD children can have more difficulty forming secure attachments because of the neurological differences caused by the autism.

Two things. Some believe people with autism suffer trauma from being misunderstood and misunderstanding as a child. The mismatch of communication can leave a child without the kind of connection he needs to thrive. That is not your fault.

Secondly, attachment problems can be caused by unpredictable parenting. When I child cannot tell if the parent is going to protect them or harm them, they will struggle to make sense of emotions. Think of a parent who’s an alcoholic, sometimes showering the dc with love and affection, other times screaming at the dc. DC can’t predict how relationships work.

Importantly though, you can build attachment using therapeutic games. Thera play was a brand/system of therapeutic activity designed to help DC and their carers to bond. Ask the SALT if there’s anything similar available.

My son was diagnosed with a reactive attachment disorder at 4. He joined our family at 3 after suffering significant neglect and trauma while in the care of both his birth parents and his original foster carers. This was diagnosed by a very senior psychiatrist. In the 15 years I have worked in social work and foster care I have only ever worked with one other child with an attachment disorder diagnosed although the majority of children I work with would have attachment difficulties.

When he first joined our family he had completely superficial relationships with everyone he met and no deeper relationship or sense of trust. This then progressed to a significant anxious attachment in regards to my time and attention eg I only showered for 2 years while he was asleep as he would be physically sick outside the bathroom door and I couldn’t have him in the room with me due to safer care fostering policies.

following years of amazing support from CAMHS, therapeutic parenting and the introduction of some serious medication he made tremendous progress. He did receive a ASD Diagnosis age 12 but this was given on the basis that he was no longer displaying behaviors that would meet the attachment disorder criteria. I know the cross over in ASD/ RAD is massive and as I think someone else has suggested the Coventry Grid which is a fantastic resource.

Parenting is extremely hard and when your child has complexed needs it’s even more difficult. I think it’s really unlikely your child has an attachment disorder unless they have experienced significant disruptions to their attachment relationships. Please don’t over analyze every time you didn’t have endless patience- we are all human and just doing our best.