I have three kids age 6, 4 and 1. My eldest has always been easy, very rarely had tantrums, sure she sometimes acts out but when she does it's for understandable reasons. I only have to tell her something once or twice and she listens to me. My youngest is too young to really tell but she is generally pretty calm and easy going.
But my middle (and only son) oh my goodness. He's not even that bad behaviour wise but the contrast with his sisters is so stark. He's extremely highly strung and he often just wants to have a tantrum so whatever you do he will kick off. Like in the mornings if I wake him up he has a tantrum because he doesn't want to wake up but if I don't wake him up he has a tantrum because he wanted to join us on the school run. Or talking about upcoming events (we celebrate Chinese new year) I'll say something like "what will you spend your CNY money on" or just make a general comment about how he's going to get some money and he'll just repeat "I'm not getting money. There's not going to be any" and he'll kick off and sulk about that. And he never listens to me - I feel like a broken record constantly telling him not to mess with things, please play with your own things. He will just ignore his toys and take random stuff from drawers or shelves. Or like yesterday I came home with some new clothes and put them very briefly on the table. I turned my back for a second and he'd immediately picked them up and would have thrown them all over the place if I hadn't shouted at him. I don't like shouting at him but he doesn't listen if I don't. But then when I do shout he gets upset and then I feel bad. It's such a negative loop and I don't know how to break it.
I try really hard to treat all my kids the same but it's so difficult because I don't feel like I can give DS an inch without him taking a mile whereas DD1 can be given a mile and she'll take an inch. I'm very conscious of a black sheep/golden child dynamic developing, especially as DS is getting older. I've never said the words "why can't you be more like your sister" but it's something that I find myself thinking regularly. She is by no means perfect and he is lovely and kind and generous but he is so much harder to parent.
I'm not even sure why I'm posting this. Just wondering if anyone can relate or has any suggestions. He gets plenty of one on one time with me as I am a SAHM. But whatever I give it never seems to be enough.