Do you think you could have managed things your Mother did?

[Megsdaughter]

I was just musing, after I looked through some photos from 1961.

I was born in the February, I'm 65 next week.
When I was born my Mother was staying with my Grandparents in Edinburgh, my Dad being in the RAF had been posted to Aden and my Mum being pregnant wasnt allowed to go. At that time I was the youngest of three having a 4 year old and 2 year old brother

When I was 6 weeks old my Mother got on a train just with her 3 children (me strapped to her in a shawl sling) and 2 small suitcases, one full of terry nappies the other enough clothes for an over night stay and travelled to London.

When she got there sge got from Waterloo to Victoria Coach station, I'm not sure if she git a taxi or went on the tube. She got a coach from Victoria to Oxford, and then a bus from Oxford to Brize Norton the RAF airport. We stayed there the night.

The next morning she got us all on the plane and we flew to Aden where my Dad met us.

I had my Son in the late 70's but I couldnt imagine doing all that at just 6 weeks post partum. Could you?

Nah I could not handle 6 kids and an alcoholic manchild of a husband. Love my dad, but when I was little and he was drinking he was a nightmare and basically a 7th child. I mean, as alcoholics go he was a jolly drunk, he didn’t shout or beat us but he wasn’t exactly helpful to my mum. Also we were little shits as kids. I don’t think it was to do with her parenting I think we just had a natural inclination to being naughty, especially me and my brother.

We were also very poor. I used to think my mums favourite food was porridge with water and I used to make fun of her for it. I think given her circumstances she did very well, out of 6 children 3 went to university and we all have decent jobs. My brother showed my nieces and nephews where we used to live and they didn’t understand how we all fit in there. He told them we shared rooms and they thought that was awful, asked why social services weren’t called. 😂

I think now at 65 my mum has a much better life than she did back then. New husband, owns her house, doesn’t have to worry about her kids because we all turned out okay. She has a garden now and she always wanted one when I was a kid so I’m very happy for her. She gets to see her grandkids regularly but I never ask her to do childcare, I think she’s done enough of that.

You do what you need to. Ok just one child but I relocated overseas 7 weeks after dd was born. More luggage though! When dd2 was born at just 2 weeks old I had them both on my own as then h had a business “trip” aka work jolly for a week, I also was working as no maternity leave there, kids in tow. You manage somehow though looking back you think how???

TBH I’m not sure how my mother - a very anxious, worrier type anyway - managed to retain her sanity while living in London during the Blitz, and dreading every day a telegram to say my father (2 years with the RN N Atlantic convoys) was missing, feared lost, after his ship had been torpedoed by the Nazis. And later, during the far east war against Japan.

(He did survive, BTW.).

I dare say the later things she had to cope with - no central heating, two in nappies with no automatic machine let alone a tumble drier, no car, having to push a pram a long way to the shops, would have seemed a bit of a doss by comparison.
People nowadays I’m afraid are too often pathetic wet lettuces by comparison with former generations.

If I had to yes. People were used to it in those days, and people were more helpful in those days and may have helped her carry bags and so on.

How old are the people saying their mum had 10+ kids? I don't wish to be rude but you must be pretty old yourselves? Even if someone writing that is in their 70s now then their mum would have been born, what, very approximately 100 years or so ago. That's 1925. The average birth rate for 1925 was 2.12 children (live births). Marie Stopes opened the first birth control clinic in 1921. Gradually contraception became more accessible later on and then we had the baby boom. But the days of huge Victorian families were gone in the 20s and 30s.

I'm just curious as to the mumsnet demographic. And if it was maybe because it was a Catholic family?

I think I could do what my mother did, she was a busy working mother with a life not wildly dissimilar to mine now. Not sure I could do my grandmothers, though, 4 kids, little money, no appliances.

I think previous generations did value and embody a more kind of stoic, just get on with it attitude, my grandparents certainly did. We focus more on our feelings and comfort.

I'm not being a "kids these days" arsehole, there are benefits to both - for one thing I'd imagine we would have fewer taken for granted , glorified servant wives trapped in marriages.

But you see it this individualised approach when people have babies - strict rules on who can visit and when, proscriptive on how people can interact with or care for your baby. I think previously you'd be expected more to crack on, but you'd have more help from the community. Also in your specific example about the travelling, I think children were considered "women's work" and therefore not very difficult or complicated, so you might be thought of as very feeble to not be able to transport your own children about!

A lot of people are extremely wilfully helpless these days. If you needed to do it you could no question. When the chips hit the fan you just get on with things.

My SIL was one of a family of seven,

my other SIL has eight kids herself. (We do all think she is mad). Youngest is now 3.

some people do have big families.

Yep. I do way more than she ever did! She had a way more easy set up then l have. Unfortunately she doesn't realise this and is confused about why lm never at a loose end or available to resolve any minor bump in the road she or my brother might have. Probably because l have 2 under 2, work full time, my health isn't great and have way more demands on me. She only worked very part time and had my grandmother round to assist her most days

Exhausted just reading that. Don’t think many could do that. Not enough hours in the day.She really was a Supermum!

We moved house when 6 weeks after I gave birth, c section. Only 1 child to be fair but it was fine.

Everyone acted as if I was mad - lots of comments about how am I managing, I could never do that etc.

I think modern travel, despite advances is probably more stressful than it would have been in 1961. Busier, faster pace etc. It would still be doable though.

My mum had 3 under 5 in the 80s, my dad worked away a fair bit and rugby trained two nights a week, plus a match at the weekends when he was home. She was fine, everything was calm and happy.

I think she is a bit surpirsed at how hard people seem to find bringing up children these days though.

Surely a lot depends on age?

I was born in the 80s, my mum had it pretty good!

I think previous generations did value and embody a more kind of stoic, just get on with it attitude, my grandparents certainly did. We focus more on our feelings and comfort

I think they drank more & suppressed their emotions!

But did she work though? That's often where it's more a juggle with 2 full time jobs and children to juggle

Absolutely - her mum came to clean her house every week and then took me to stay with her over night. Must be bloody lovely! My mum has barely worked and isn't very houseproud. Wasn't a very hands on mother either 😂She's almost 66.

My mother was a single mother in the 60’s. She gave birth at 19 and then went back to work to support me. Her mother looked after me while she worked and she was a mother of 5. I helped my grandmother with all of the household chores from the age of 3. She didn’t have a washing machine and everything was washed in a tub on the back yard. Now I wonder how anyone coped without all the modern conveniences but they did. My life has been easy compared to my mother’s.

Well, quite! Not sure on the drinking stats, but yes re suppressing - that was my point that we prioritise our emotions in a way they did not tend to

@DryIce

There were thousands of more pubs so someone was drinking in them!

Yes, of course. Doesn’t sound particularly difficult.

I could have done that if I had needed to. I also think my own mum (born 1940s) had an easier life than me when we were young, since she didn't work for most of my childhood, and she seemed more relaxed - I remember her spending lots of time gardening and sunbathing while we ran around and played outside in the summer. Household chores probably took longer - especially washing clothes, since she had a twin tub when I was very small, but she didn't do much else, and usually had plenty of time come evening to relax watching TV or read a book, along with the rest of us.
My grandmother's life was definitely harder at times, but she just got on with it.

@CurlyhairedAssassin I am 60. Not Catholic but in Ireland contraception was illegal, though in the 60s doctors could prescribe the pill in limited cases which is when my mum stopped having kids. I didn't know anyone my age that was from a big family though so I don't know how other people managed to plan their family size.

My mother had me in the eighties. She had us in her late teens/ early twenties. I had mine in my early thirties.
My mother was working full time and went back to work when we were six weeks old. I’m a sahm. She was married to an abusive alcoholic. I’m not.
But being brutally honest, there’s nothing I admire about how my mum managed. I’m sure it was hard going back to work so soon post partum but she also wasn’t that bothered whether we were actually being well looked after or not.
She loved her career and used it as an excuse to have some freedom I think.
She has bragged about things like being able to fit back into her jeans weeks after giving birth or being out clubbing when we were newborns.
I wouldn’t have had any inclination to do either.

Yes I could. I am constantly astonished at how lacking in resourcefulness some people seem to be these days. I have a DIL who can't cope without constant help from her parents and expects her partner to be around 24/7. I had three kids and a husband who was always working and my parents at the other end of the country. I just got on with it. I packed for every move myself and there were a lot of moves, I didn't expect other people to take on things for me when I had made a choice to have children.

I was born in the 60s - I would say my mum had an easier life than me. She always worked in a professional role, but the additional hours expected aren't as much as they are now. As my dad had a good job they could afford a massive house and childcare in the school holidays. Certainly a better standard of living than comparable jobs give you now. She could retire in her mid 50s - although she did get a part time job - and has now been retired and collecting her state pension for nearly 30 years. I could definitely cope with all of that! In her 40s she had time for a full time job, hobbies, friends and an affair. Easy street, really.

Yes, I could. My mother couldn’t! I was born in the 60s and as soon as my DM had her 1st baby she became a SAHM. She clearly hated it and left us as soon as she found a man to run away with. In her mid 80s now and still has no idea how to pay a bill or buy a train ticket. Zero idea how to do anything. We’re very LC. Nothing in common. The one thing I learned as a child was how to stand on my own two feet!