Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Wedding dilema, who should pay?

26 replies

Sorrynotsorry22 · 07/02/2026 17:57

DD 26 is getting wed this month in a registery office. She and fiance have a child 2yo and lives nearly 400miles away.
She said it was a small event, not wanting to spend too much.
She is planning it very casually imo. Told me to announce to the rest of the family , even though there is a guest limit.
Me and her father are separated- not yet divorced- for most of her life. She has invited him out of obligation. A few of us are travelling and staying at a nearby hotel.
Who should offer to pay for the meal after the registry office after the event and her outfit? ? Them? Me? Her dad?
We are far from a traditional family, I don't want to come over controlling and ruin her wedding but she is our only daughter.

OP posts:
Catchycatchytune · 07/02/2026 18:00

In my circle, the couple pay. However, it’s usual for parents to give a monetary gift, according to their financial circumstances.

Treylime · 07/02/2026 18:00

I assume if it this month then they will be paying. If you want you can offer a contribution.

PersephoneParlormaid · 07/02/2026 18:00

The meal, I think you should split it 50:50 between both sets of parents, if he still has parents. And it would be nice if you and dad offered to pay for her dress, flowers etc

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Weddings
ItsReallyOnlyMe · 07/02/2026 18:01

I suggest you give her a sum of money as a contribution for their wedding. This means that her and her new husband can then pay for the celebration themselves.

It is up to her father whether he too would like to do similarly.

I think it’s nice, however, that a mother pays for her daughter’s wedding dress separately.

SaturYAY · 07/02/2026 18:02

Split it into 3 between the couple & both sets of parents?

Hollietree · 07/02/2026 18:02

There are no set rules these days. Can you comfortably afford to contribute financially? I’m sure she would really appreciate it if you are in a position to help out, but if you can’t I wouldn’t feel obligated or get yourself into debt.

When we got married we paid for most of it, but my parents and in-laws gave us a bit of money each. They transferred it to our account and then said we could put it towards the wedding in any way we wanted. I think that’s an easier way to do things rather than offering to pay for eg the dress, which she could be spending £50 or thousands on!

HateThese4Leggedbeasts · 07/02/2026 18:04

With my wedding I assumed I and my partner would pay for the day and we planned accordingly. My parents gave a contribution but this was welcome but not expected. My partner's mum also contributed but to a different amount (which is fine).

Theredjellybean · 07/02/2026 18:05

Ask her...if your in a position to offer if say " I'm so excited darling, please let me pay for something, would you let me to buy / pay for your dress "

Or " I'd really like to pay for the champagne/your bouquet/ the meal/ the wine"

Depending on your situation

Happytaytos · 07/02/2026 18:09

I'd give her whatever you can afford "towards the wedding" and let her decide what to spend it on.

GreenJellyBeans · 07/02/2026 18:10

DH and I budgeted to pay for all of our wedding - my parents gave us a generous gift towards it which wasn’t expected but was certainly appreciated. They told us how much they wanted to gift us, and in turn we asked if they could therefore pay a certain invoice.
My mum did buy my dress, which felt a special touch. DH’s parents didn’t offer to contribute and we didn’t ask anything of them - or tell them my parents had contributed. I think DH would have liked if they’d offered something as they do very little for us but expect a lot - but neither of us were surprised.

GreenJellyBeans · 07/02/2026 18:12

To add - I wouldn’t go in with a generic “I’d like to contribute something” - that’s really unhelpful
for the couple as they’ll be worried about seeming presumptuous when trying to work out what that amount might be.
Also I wouldn’t recommend saying something like “I’d like to pay for all the drinks” as you have no concept of how much that will be.
Offering a set amount takes all the ambiguity out of it.

Maryberrysbouffant · 07/02/2026 18:13

My dd is getting married and they’re paying for their own (big) wedding but we’ve given them a sum of money to put towards it. It all depends on your (and their) financial situation really.

Tigerbalmshark · 07/02/2026 18:16

DM paid for my dress, and I agree it felt like a really nice thing to do - we went dress shopping together etc.

If DD’s wedding is this month then presumably she already has a dress! But something like that, or the flowers, or half of the meal, would be a nice thing to offer.

wheresthesnowgone · 07/02/2026 18:22

Decide what you can afford and want to contribute and transfer to her account to put towards the day in any way she wants.

What's the point of imposing conditions? -ie saying it's for the dress, flowers, whatever?

Treylime · 07/02/2026 19:16

GreenJellyBeans · 07/02/2026 18:10

DH and I budgeted to pay for all of our wedding - my parents gave us a generous gift towards it which wasn’t expected but was certainly appreciated. They told us how much they wanted to gift us, and in turn we asked if they could therefore pay a certain invoice.
My mum did buy my dress, which felt a special touch. DH’s parents didn’t offer to contribute and we didn’t ask anything of them - or tell them my parents had contributed. I think DH would have liked if they’d offered something as they do very little for us but expect a lot - but neither of us were surprised.

We had a similar situation. My parents kindly contributed and helped with some of the organising. DHs parents did neither even though they had paid for ALL of DH's sister's wedding 5 years previously.

DisforDarkChocolate · 07/02/2026 19:27

Been married twice, both times we paid. When I married my amazing second husband my parents gave us a cash gift which paid for most of the very small reception. They also paid for a minibus that picked up most of the guests. Happy days.

My advice - a cash gift they can use for whatever they want.

Gingercar · 07/02/2026 19:32

We had a small daytime do with a big evening reception. We paid for everything, but my mum paid for my dress and my dad paid for the meal for 25 people at the daytime do (they were divorced at this point, but amicable)

youalright · 07/02/2026 19:35

It depends how much money you have and what you want to spend there is no right or wrong. I won't be able to pay for my children's weddings but I want to buy my daughters dress and maybe one or 2 other things.

Tryagain26 · 07/02/2026 19:35

ItsReallyOnlyMe · 07/02/2026 18:01

I suggest you give her a sum of money as a contribution for their wedding. This means that her and her new husband can then pay for the celebration themselves.

It is up to her father whether he too would like to do similarly.

I think it’s nice, however, that a mother pays for her daughter’s wedding dress separately.

I would do this. Give her an amount you can afford and then let the others decide to do whatever they want

Ponderingwindow · 07/02/2026 20:10

They will be planning to pay themselves. If you have the ability to give them a cash gift, do that. Depending on the size of your gift and the cost of their wedding, you may offset the cost of the wedding or end up paying for the whole thing.

cocog · 07/02/2026 20:34

Maybe they have it in hand but if you and dad want to help maybe, dad pay for meal after and you pay for her dress.she will need to do this asap if she’s not done it yet. Maybe her husbands parents could buy the cake and his clothes if needed. But maybe they have a meal planned and everyone pays for themselves? You will need to ask ex what he’s willing to contribute and discuss with your daughter what she has planned and would like your help with.

stample · 07/02/2026 20:58

no rules it is what is is.
my df paid for my registry office wedding and MIL paid for meal afterwards. we paid for our own honeymoon and clothing though

Cornishclio · 07/02/2026 21:03

We gave a sum of money and told them how much so they knew what their budget was. If wedding already arranged presumably they are not relying on parental gifts but nice to do if you can afford it.

soontobeamama · 07/02/2026 21:05

It does sound as if they are expecting to fund it themselves. If you are in the financial position to, as a gesture, you could offer to contribute - for example, pay for her dress / cake / money towards the meal. It may be that they have deliberately decided to keep it low key and don’t want to spend much, so even if you offered money, they may not wish to accept. Maybe have a chat with your daughter, asking if she would like you to make a financial contribution or help with organising etc?

pippapoo62 · 07/02/2026 22:11

When my stepson got married ,we asked them to do the wedding they wanted without our input . On the wedding day we gave them £500 and they were more than grateful.