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Original poster

Accomodation cost for wedding

32 replies

MoominGang · 31/01/2026 20:42

What would you do in this scenario? Our son is getting married in the UK. Bride to be is from here, we're not. A lot of our side of family will be flying in and will stay for a varied length of time around the wedding.
Traditionally in our country bride's family pays for the wedding and this includes one night's accomodation following the wedding.
They are organizing and paying for everything themselves and we offered to contribute too. They don't know about the accomodation rule.
I feel that our family might expect the this and we wonder if we just offer to contribute to their accomodation cost. I'm not wanting to book several rooms/ holiday homes for several nights as the cost would be huge. What else could we do to keep everyone happy?

OP posts:
Bruisername · 31/01/2026 20:43

How many of your family are coming and are you close enough to put some of them up?

Original poster
MoominGang · 31/01/2026 20:48

We're going to have to travel from another location in the UK. Booked own accomodation and could probably put up any extra person or two.
Probably around 15 people/ 4-5 family groups, some with children. Not all confirmed and booked flights yet.

OP posts:
7238SM · 31/01/2026 20:51

Traditionally in our country

But they aren't getting married in your country! Are the brides family paying for the wedding or your DS and DIL?

When I sent out invites, I included info that if guests wanted to stay at XYZ hotel, there was a special rate for wedding guests. Would family from abroad just be coming for the wedding and 1 night then flying home? If not- where would they be staying the rest of their trip?

Maybe mention to DS to include something on their invites about local places to stay? Surely you can then tell your family that in the UK- accommodation is generally not paid for and let them decide whether to come or not.

Interested in this thread?

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Weddings
MimiSunshine · 31/01/2026 20:54

I think you just have to let your wider family know that it isn’t the sane tradition in the UK.
that DS and bride are paying for the wedding themselves not the brides family.

Bruisername · 31/01/2026 20:57

I think you have two options

do as op said - tell them that it isn’t the tradition in the Uk and provide a list of hotels - across price range and make sure close to venue

or, as grooms parents, you sort it

what I wouldn’t do is just send your family the dates and location and just tell them to sort themselves. They are guests and I would do some research for them so they can just call and book

When I married half my family and all of DHs came from abroad. My parents sorted out my side through hosting/arranging accommodation and we sorted out DHs side. They were our guests who we wanted at the wedding so we tried to make it as easy as possible for them

Original poster
MoominGang · 31/01/2026 20:58

I completely understand that this is not the done thing here but the expectation will be on us to cover the cost. And I don't want to cause any sour feelings. Not all of the can manage the booking themselves due to the language etc.
To be honest we have always booked flights and accomodation for them and not asked for money back, where they visited for big occasions before but it's never been for so many people.
As far as I know DIL parents are not contributing anything.

OP posts:
Bruisername · 31/01/2026 21:00

Well that puts a different complexion on it as you have built an expectation based on prior behaviour!

os the wedding in a convenient location for lots of types of accommodation at a reasonable price?

Original poster
MoominGang · 31/01/2026 21:06

In a way but the previous occasions were all directly on our invitation and we put them up where we could or sorted accommodation if it was a bigger group. I assume most people would do this to for their own parents who don't speak the language or can navigate computers.

OP posts:
Original poster
MoominGang · 31/01/2026 21:07

Not many options locally and it's near a popular holiday location which means high accommodation prices too.

OP posts:
Freya1542 · 31/01/2026 21:09

@MoominGang "They don't know about the accomodation rule" that's moot in this instance though, isn't it.

Would probably be best to raise it with your son.

Bruisername · 31/01/2026 21:11

How far off is the wedding?

I would expect you to arrange their accommodation but not pay although for grandparents you may consider it

I'm British and not from a posh background and we always put people up for weddings where possible

EvangelineTheNightStar · 31/01/2026 21:13

As far as I know DIL parents are not contributing anything. what towards your family?
do people from your country never ever holiday in the uk? How would they normally book a holiday?
have your family ever paid for you or anyone else to holiday? Or do they just get paid for?

Coconutter24 · 31/01/2026 21:13

Considering the brides family are organising and paying for everything they shouldn’t be expected to pay for your family’s accommodation. I would say if you want to pay for it then that’s your decision

MrsKateColumbo · 31/01/2026 21:15

You're going to have to speak to your family if you dont want to pay for them. Even the population locations have travelodges which will be the best bet ££ wise

DanceMumTaxi · 31/01/2026 21:15

I’ve never been to a wedding where my accommodation was paid for and I didn’t pay for my wedding guests either. If this isn’t going to be possible the family need to be told as soon as possible so they can plan/budget accordingly.

Original poster
MoominGang · 31/01/2026 21:15

We have offered help and suggested places to stay. There really isn't anything in the area that would accommodate all of us together.
We have also considered contributing a set amount per family group/accomodation, say £200 to cover some of the cost. Not mentioned to anyone yet. I really don't want the extra admin so if the book what they want for the length they want would be best. And we just chip in.

OP posts:
Original poster
MoominGang · 31/01/2026 21:19

@MrsKateColumbo 2 nights in some of the nearest travelodge is £400-600 . We are really talking a tourist hot spot.

OP posts:
Bruisername · 31/01/2026 21:25

this is one of the issues when you marry someone with foreign family! We considered it when we booked out wedding tbh

even when my parents married 60 years ago my dad arranged and helped with his family travel and my mums family helped by putting people up

Original poster
MoominGang · 31/01/2026 21:42

It's not that we don't want to help it's more of the fact that none of them will lift a finger and will expect to be fully catered on, including us booking everything. Yes part of the culture and it's just what we do.
We can't put people up. We live 200 miles away but we can help with some of it. I guess I'm just wondering what others did in similar situation?

OP posts:
Flatandhappy · 31/01/2026 21:54

Sorry but it’s not clear to me who you expect to pay, your DS and his fiancée, his parents? It’s not an “accommodation rule” that accommodation is provided, I understand it’s customary in your culture but when two cultures meet compromises need to be made. I would explain to people flying in that it is not the custom in the UK to provide accommodation so they need to organise themselves. You either stand up for yourself and say you won’t be doing it and send links to boooking,com etc. or you cave and do it for them. Your choice.

itsthetea · 31/01/2026 21:55

You have to be upfront and explain it’s a British wedding and so they won’t get accommodation provided as per British traditions

Bruisername · 31/01/2026 21:59

What country are they coming from?

7238SM · 31/01/2026 22:00

I'm just wondering what others did in similar situation?

Well it seems so far on this thread that no one else has had this situation. What country are you from OP? Do they have a forum where you could ask what happened when family married abroad and accommodation wasn't paid for?

Bruisername · 31/01/2026 22:01

The country they are from and their financial circumstances are relevant to the question

stichguru · 31/01/2026 22:02

I am from the south of the UK, came up north for uni and ended up meeting the love of my live and marrying up here. We had lots of family and friends coming up and Premier Inn did a thing where my dad could get a discount so

  • something like 4 months before the wedding he reserved say 30 rooms for 2 months and didn't have to pay anything right then, but got a discount price on each room (think it was about 30% discount) and and was given a special booking code
  • when guests replied and said they were coming and they would need to travel, we gave them the hotel details and the code
  • they then booked and paid for their rooms using the code and the discount
  • after the time expired, any un-booked rooms went back onto normal sale at normal price. (So obviously guests could still book them, but higher price and a room was not guaranteed.)

I don't know if that might be an option for you. Means you don't have to pay for everyone, but people do get a cheaper rate.