Boys/girls, or either what has your experience been?

[23weeksand2days]

Sorry, I really couldn’t come up with a better title right now.
What I’d like to know is what you’re expperience has been with having girls/boys, or either gender really. How are girls different to boys in your experience?
Is having one easier than the other?
Are there any big differences?
It’s just that I’m a first time mum to be, and up until my 20 week scan I was so sure that we’d be having a girl.
It’s how I’d always imagined things even before getting pregnant, so when I found out we were having a boy I was really quite shocked, unreasonably I know, but I know I’m not the first or last parent to have felt this way.
The initial shock and disappointment lasted about three days and then thankfully wore off, but I still hope that I can have a girl one day too.
If I’m fortunate enough to be blessed with another child I’ll obviously love it no matter the gender, the same way that I love this little one, but I just think having a little girl some day would be lovely too.

It’s pretty obvious that on population levels there are differences between boys and girls. That doesn’t mean an individual child will have a ‘typical’ boy or girl personality or behaviour or interests.

Two boys here, 12 and 9. They are loving, funny, imaginative, good company, articulate and annoying when they fight. One loves animals, the other all thing military. They are both brilliant.

My girl is only 2 but a lot of what people say about boys applies to her. Needs to be walked, climbs everything, never sits still, loves cars and balls and diggers as well as her doll and her tea parties.

I really notice a difference in how people talk about her though. Relatives say my nephew is spirited, rambunctious, boisterous etc. but to me he seems like a calm child who is happy to colour or do Legos for hours. My daughter actually is boisterous and it's seen as slightly negative.

Interestingly, even if you give young chimpanzees typical boy and girl toys, the male chimpanzees play more with the transport type ‘boy’ toys, and the girls more with the dolls, playing nurturing games with them.

That should not be a surprise, really.

2 SK (1 of each), 2 bio (2 boys)

my experience is that girls are waaaay more dramatic than boys. Seems to be more pettiness in friendship groups and dramatised issues than with any boys of same age.

my eldest (16) has had the same friendship group since he was 6, no issues amongst them ever - girls of the same age, friendships have changed a lot!
my youngest, so far has the same friendship group since 3 (girls & boys and there’s 9 of them in total) boys so far take much more in their stride than the girls, girls seem to have a lot of “she did that, she’s not talking to me”, or the screaming or shouting when they don’t get their own way… of course could just be their personalities but definitely viewed the same with all of the kids!

On ours.. 3 boys are all pretty chill, girl much harder work for all of above and more. Wouldn’t however change any of them in any shape or form as they are who they are

I have one of each.

their differences are due to their personalities not their sex

one is introverted the other is an extrovert

one loves sport the other doesn’t

one loves sci fi and fantasy they other doesn’t

one likes cheese the other doesn’t

i expect you will get tons of stereotypes in the responses

The fact that this hasn’t turned into a girl bashing thread is a refreshing change! Mixed family here and the sex had no correlation to the easiness / difficulty of toddler or teenage years.

DDs were way easier toddlers/children. Enjoyed baking/crafts very laid back. DS was constantly climbing/ fallling/ screaming wouldn’t sit and colour or do sticking. But DDs were hard work as teens lots of eye rolls and smart mouth. . But now they are great and we have lots of common interests whereas DS it’s all gaming and you tube.

I have two of the same sex and they are so different from each other I can't imagine the sex would make a difference.

I do observe differences between the sexes on a population level - it is predominantly the boys playing football at school, for example. However I am not convinced this isn't just socialisation.

The families I know with a girly girl and a boisterous boy do, in my opinion, treat them very differently. I remember being told as a child not to behave certain ways that "weren't ladylike" or being treated differently to my male cousin and I still remember how I just I found it.

So I aim to act the same with children regardless of sex (although I am sure I have my own internal biases). My feeling is if it is natural and innate, it will come out anyway, but if I act as if it is socialisation i can give them the most options.

Socialisation plays a huge part. How many toddler boys are taken for a taster session to dance , ballet, gymnastics etc.? How many toddler girls are taken to things like football tots and so on?

How many toddler/baby girls are bought footballs, toy cars , dinosaurs etc.? How many toddler boys/babies are bought dolls, play kitchens , etc.?

How many girls are encouraged to run , race , climb , jump get muddy etc.(including dressing them in appropriate attire)? How many boys are encouraged to paint, draw , do a quiet activity etc?

At best , people might offer a gender neutral activity/gift. At worst , everything is still very gendered , and of course children develop an affinity for what they’re exposed to, because it’s comfortable and familiar and it soon becomes the norm.

I have 2 girls & 2 boys, all have very different personalities. My older two who were boy, hates sport, loves baking, being at home. Then girl, very independent, into sport. They have been a breeze to parent up to now. My younger two, girl then boy were very different. Dc3, a girl was always climbing, jumping, boisterous & is very sporty & I’m stood on the football sidelines for. Dc4 , a boy is very exuberant, always playing jokes, never stops running etc. I needed eyes in the back of my head with them & still do. However, I was bought up in a house of boys, more into cars, & ‘typical boy stuff & was known as a ‘tomboy’, it’s a label I hated & still do. I’ve made a real effort to never label my girls as one, but to encourage them to be themselves, same as my boys.

I have both and their differences are down to their individual personalities, not what sex they are.

I have two boys and they are just amazing. Funny, sweet, affectionate, interesting chats, kind

This is so not the case.

Quite. A quiet little princess that mummy can be BFF's with and go and get her hair done with 🤢 🙄again no.

3 boys here and wouldn't change a thing despite initially liking the idea of a daughter. Eldest now has a girlfriend who feels like a daughter so you never what treasures life gives you. My boys have all been gentle, loving and kind. My advice would be to get him into a sport as they can be full of energy that needs channeling sometimes.

I dunno,. I didn’t want tantrums, overly girlie things, teenage drama etc sounds like you would of had gender disappointment if you'd of had a girl..... or your trying to convince yourself you never wanted a girl by making that statement

I have one of each and my DS had more tantrums when he was younger, isn't as outgoing or as active as my DD. My DD is quite tomboyish and isn't into typical girly things

I don’t have enough children to make a valid comparison as I’m sure it’s mostly personality - although I do think birth order is a big factor in your personality. The first child will generally be calmer! - something that plays out in about 80%+ of the families I know.

I have one girl, she’s active (makes obstacle courses in the living room if you don’t watch her, broken a few bones, I’m convinced she’s got a world record for x-rays) shouty, terrible temper, her hugs are so tight they hurt,she has to do sport seven days a week to keep her happy, her hair is constantly tangled from rolling around on the floor but she’s refusing to cut it also very sweet and funny, likes pink (a LOT) does my nails for me (she’s still little).

None of the girls in my family are particularly calm tbf so to me this is normal. I don’t really identify with all the “mummy and me” references here, “girly mini me” “get our hair done together” or tea party stuff. but even if she had been like that so what. I always wanted a daughter, I came from a female dominated family, lots of shouty, intelligent women, love them. Some of the comments here scream internalised misogyny.

I don’t think you always know what you are going to get, I wouldn’t project too much, some boys are calm and sweet, some are rambunctious. Same with girls in my experience.

This is giving me hope Dd will be an easier teen, the toddler years were just awful. Had to carry her screaming and kicking from quite a few places. So many bumps and the most furious tantrums. Not sure she’s ever going to be able to sit still though.

I got a lot of “she’s like a boy”. DH would glare at them and just say “she’s like a girl”. Mine has a collection of diggers and vans too, her favourite jacket had diggers on it. She also likes pretty dresses.

I’m always surprised that gendered expectations are so deeply embedded.

You could not be more wrong.

Yeah what is that about.

It’s only fair if they are difficult one end they have to be easier the other end

Completely depends on personality and temperament but if you want to generalise and I have both:

• boys run / move jump around more and I always joke try to kill then selves more than girls (there is some scientific data as males are will take more risk takers than females)
• girls will sit for longer to colour and aren’t quite as heavy handed. They still run and jump and get dirty. But mentally they are harder work. Which again I think makes sense, years and years ago being the weaker sex females have evolved to be more persuasive to get what they want over using force)

For me it was less about nail bar dates and more to do with the fact the men in my family are violent, unkind alcoholics.

I don't think the difference is all that significant while they're children.
They may have gravitated to certain sex based stereotypes in terms of interests, as the influence of peers is strong, even if you try to redress it at home. But I certainly don't believe in sex based personalities, or pink and blue brains, and never saw any sign of it. Perhaps because I wasn't expecting to see it, so there was no confirmation bias.
The difference becomes apparant when they're adults. Because, all other things being equal and assuming an equally good relationship with both, its very unusual to have the same relationship with an adult son as a daughter. People really don't like this to be acknowledged, and there are exceptions, but you only have to read the MiL threads on here to see what role you're expected to have as mum to an adult son compared with what you're 'permitted' if you have an adult daughter.
Which I think is a little sad, because we don't love our sons less than our daughters.