not sure if to mention a dc to school as he’s acting a bit odd

[Crayolacyan]

There is a boy in my dd year 7 class whose parents constantly brag about him being a genius dc, they’ve asked him to be pulled out of lunchtimes so he can study at lunchtimes and hes often not in any group activities such as PE so he’s almost isolated from the other dc.
the reason I’m concerned is that because his parents tell him he’s ’the Best’ or a genius he thinks he is but then gets seriously frustrated because he isn’t. My dd is the top of their year and he’s started to get really angry when test scores are read out and my dc beats them.

Thing is my dd isn’t just beating him as in he’s coming second to them, he’s basically bottom of the class (apart from the SEN dc who take tests separately) but when my dc gets their score he clenches his fists and starts crying or getting angry and directs it at my dc saying things like they must have cheated and in the most recent test he lost his temper saying that the teacher didn’t teach them one question (he could have read around the subject and it was asked of them) and he got so angry they stopped the test.

his parents spoil him from what I can see. Every day they take him in and his mum sits in the back of the car while his dad drives and the boy sits in the front, he told my dd it’s because he ‘doesn’t ride in the back of the car as it’s not the best’ which feels off that a dc doesn’t care that his mum who’s much taller than him has to squeeze in the back of their small car to accommodate this.

he’s seemingly getting more and more arrogant and I’m worried this will escalate into something worse. Is it inappropriate to ask something be done not sure what though.

@Invisablepanic agree - it sounds as though the boy could be self conscious about being taken for extra lessons (“It’s because I’m so clever”).

Ad another poster said, might he sit in the front of the car because he’s car sick (“It’s because I’m the best” - rather than admit weakness).

This actually sounds like a story of self consciousness, low self esteem with a dose of toxic masculinity thrown in.

Nope. Still doesn't help. What do you want the school to-do with the information you give them? Or what is it you want to know from them? You can approach the teacher and say "this child makes me and my DD uncomfortable" but where would you like the conversation to go after that?

They're certainly not going to tell you what measures they have in place for him because that's his private information.

I do understand your discomfort. He doesn't appear to have any awareness of how his behaviour and attitude impacts others and coupled with a superiority complex and fiery temper that's a toxic combination.

Not meaning to be rude but do you work? You seem very involved in this.
Your child being top isn’t the be all and end all. The people I went to school with that were top of the class weren’t necessarily the most successful.

It's a small, private school so presumably small class sizes plus time he's working 1:1 with staff during breaks etc and you think they know less about this boy than you do?
Raise the concerns all you want, school will smile and nod, think you're an overly invested busybody and tell you nowt.
If your DD is directly impacted by his behaviour/words/actions then talk about that with the school. Better yet, get her to address it with her class teacher.

Why do you think that the school need to be told about his odd behaviour? They are the ones dealing with it on a daily basis in the classroom so I'm sure they have spotted it. If it is really upsetting your daughter then you can speak to them about that.

@Crayolacyan it’s very simple what you do in this situation-
you deal with issues which concern you and your DD directly e.g this boy says something to your DD or to you or he sits next to DD and she is scared if he misbehaves.
You don’t go to school to report that you think what they do with another child is wrong or not effective.

If your DD asks questions and you don’t know how to answer them, ask here but it won’t harm to teach her early that people might have different circumstances and that it’s better to mind her own business in situations not related to her. It’s a great skill.

@PinkFrogss yes not all private schools are better than state schools and I don’t think this one is tbh. Dd wanted to go to this school because of the music department and we couldn’t find much equivalent in the state schools for that.
his parents are pretty vocal about him being a ‘genius’. They mention he’s so smart any chance they get, there are a lot of events at the school and you get to know everyone as it’s a small school. We all know he’s not a genius so smile and move on when his parents start. Seems like that’s what I’ll have to encourage dd to do too.

The school will be very well aware of all of this if the teacher is in any way half decent, and shouldn’t discuss another child with you anyway. If your DD is being made uncomfortable that is of course ok to raise - his behaviour to your DD - but not they way he is being parented etc. Do feel awful for this poor kid though.

There are always kids who are full of bs- surely your dd is old enough to know that you politely nod and don’t have to comment.

What do you expect the shook to do? Sit the boy down and say “You’re not a genius and actually bottom of the class”? That’s not going to happen.

As for him sitting in the front while mum is in the back - strange that both parents do the school run together unless they are going somewhere after drop off. Again, do you expect the school to insist that boy goes in the back? Obviously not going to happen.

The parents are setting their son up for a big fall because the rest of the world are obviously not going to cater to the delusions but that’s not something that you or the school are going to be able to influence. It’s a good job they only have one child because there’s only one front seat etc

Furthermore the school is a business and don’t want to lose them as a customer so aren’t going to act unless forced eg violence

Only complain if he is having a direct effect on your dd. Dealing with being in a classroom with an annoying classmate is one of those things.

Why do you even talk to his parents? This is y7 surely its just drop your kid off and leave?

All the parents in that school, and they chat to you at length about their son even though your DD doesnt even like this kid? Sounds very.....odd....

I would suggest that he is not actually being pulled out 'for extra tuition because he is the best' - that is either what his Mum had told him to avoid giving a different reason, or what they have told him to tell others, possibly to avoid bullying. He sounds as if he is having a hard time with any sort of passing feeling of rejection (including having to sit in the back of the car when other passengers are in the front) - but I agree, that will be an increasing issue as he turns into an unsupervised young man.

Are the teachers regularly reading out the pupil's tests scores? If so, surely that is a concern. They do not do that at either of my DC's schools. If not, how does your DD know how other pupils are scoring, and how does this boy know your DD's scores?

It sounds like some of these issues could be solved by pupils just being given their scores written on the test papers.

Are you in the uk? If so none of this remotely rings true!

Definitely giving Fawlty Towers 'wrong shaped chips' vibes!

reading out test scores? This doesn’t really happen anymore

Why on earth are teachers reading out everyone’s test scores in front of the whole class. Way to shame pupils at or near the bottom. I thought this sort of thing went out of practise years ago. What is the teacher thinking!

Sounds like he has issues that the school are well aware of, as no doubt are his parents.
It is reasonable to share with the school that your dd is apprehensive of his behavior and actions.

🤣

I’d be tempted to mention that it’s upsetting your DD when he’s angry and accusing her of cheating.
Generally just feel sorry for this child though, he has terrible parents and the school should be firmer in saying no to them.

Personally I can see why @Crayolacyan is worried.
This child may be one of the ones taking knives into school if he gets too wound up.. it DOES happen.

OP / this child is not your problem nor your business - if you are worried about bullying of your DD or her education being disrupted those are things to raise with the school. Everything else is just gossipy nonsense - ignore and support your child to be proud of her intellect.

I’m not sure you have anything to add here, that the school and his parents aren’t already aware of OP. Do you think the teacher hasn’t noticed how he reacts in class? Also, as a parent of a Y12 and Y9, it’s best not to believe everything your Y7 tells you.

Let it go. My DC used to walk to school with me and THAT parent from primary and then I smiled and waved during secondary parents evenings.

Mine are late 20s now. They did the GAT cohort, I never said a word to THAT parent. Their DS was a father at 16. He's still unemployed nearing 30. I often wonder if he had too many expectations placed on him.