not sure if to mention a dc to school as he’s acting a bit odd

[Crayolacyan]

There is a boy in my dd year 7 class whose parents constantly brag about him being a genius dc, they’ve asked him to be pulled out of lunchtimes so he can study at lunchtimes and hes often not in any group activities such as PE so he’s almost isolated from the other dc.
the reason I’m concerned is that because his parents tell him he’s ’the Best’ or a genius he thinks he is but then gets seriously frustrated because he isn’t. My dd is the top of their year and he’s started to get really angry when test scores are read out and my dc beats them.

Thing is my dd isn’t just beating him as in he’s coming second to them, he’s basically bottom of the class (apart from the SEN dc who take tests separately) but when my dc gets their score he clenches his fists and starts crying or getting angry and directs it at my dc saying things like they must have cheated and in the most recent test he lost his temper saying that the teacher didn’t teach them one question (he could have read around the subject and it was asked of them) and he got so angry they stopped the test.

his parents spoil him from what I can see. Every day they take him in and his mum sits in the back of the car while his dad drives and the boy sits in the front, he told my dd it’s because he ‘doesn’t ride in the back of the car as it’s not the best’ which feels off that a dc doesn’t care that his mum who’s much taller than him has to squeeze in the back of their small car to accommodate this.

he’s seemingly getting more and more arrogant and I’m worried this will escalate into something worse. Is it inappropriate to ask something be done not sure what though.

Mind your own business. You are way too invested. If he is upsetting your dd you can raise a concern with the teacher as in 'my dd is being insulted by a child in the class and is getting upset by it'. But mainly you need to speak with your dd and help her navigate it if she is finding it difficult.

I feel very sad for this boy. His level of entitlement will be the downfall of him… And others too as he matures.

Surely the school would already be aware of these concerns? That said, I wouldn’t see any issue in you raising carefully concerns with teachers for the boy’s welfare.

Sorry to second guess, OP, but is your post an accurate interpretation of what’s happening here?

Is his name Donald Trump?

@chocciechocface well it does feel a little bit misogynistic as well but as @Owly11 says I’m going to look overly invested if I say anything. He does make me uncomfortable as well as dd. But it’s also things like dd worked hard for that test and they cancelled it and have said they do it again soon because he couldn’t control his temper.
I do feel sorry for him as well.

Presumably the school can see most of this and likely more. It's very odd he is being pulled out of lunch/PE so the school will have had some discussions with the parents. If your DD is upset, speak to the school in terms of what she needs to feel happy/safe. If not, I think you need to just trust the school.

Deal with the stuff pertaining to your daughter only. I get why you're concerned but clearly there's bigger issues here and school won't be blind.
If he's being aggressive to your Dd then report that. That's your responsibility.

Sounds like he's not very a academically able and instead of a dressing that they're lying and telling him he needs all this extra support bedsheets he's so bright. It's obviously nonsense if he's consistently bottom despite extra classes, but that's for his parents and school to deal with.

He sounds like a massive brat but if your DD uses terminology you use, or theres an overall air of this feeling - "beating him" etc - then thats probably pissing him off when he should just ignore it and not be a dick.

Id just tell your DD to speak to a teacher if its bothering her.

Is your DD particularly upset about it? It sounds like an odd school of he’s being pulled out of lunches and PE for study sessions. It sounds like there’s something else going on which you are not privy to. I’m sure the school have noticed his outbursts too, particularly when directed at teachers.

I would take what DD says with a pinch of salt and suggest she focuses on herself and taking pride in her achievements, it doesn’t matter what others say. It sounds like she doesn’t particularly like him so should try to avoid spending time with him where possible.

Similarly the good thing about secondary school is less contact between the parents so you won’t have to hear much from them either.

That sounds very strange OP. So there was going to be a class test, he got angry and the teacher said it would be rearranged due to him?

How do you know this?

How on earth do you know so much about this boy's family? Where his mum sits in the car? What the boy says about it? How do you know which children in your dd's class has sen? How much time are you investing in this boy? It seems like he is having a lot of struggles and you seem positively gleeful about it.

This is so weird. Why are you so interested in where he sits in the car..

It’s a small private school so they do do things differently and that’s what’s worrying me a bit if I don’t say anything the other dc have asked why he isn’t in lunch with them, he says he has to study and he has a room he goes to. The SEN are separated for extra study at this school and sit tests separately but are generally in the same class. Every morning we all sit in the car park waiting for school to open so pretty much everyone sees him get out the car and the dc talk. I find it odd he does this and that he says it’s because he’s too good to be in the back from a POV that it seems like misogynistic talk. Maybe I’m wrong though.

I don’t think the school is as swift to deal with things as I would hope as they don’t want to lose fees.

The main advice your DD needs from you is to steer well clear of him. He's weird and women and girls need to ignore weird men and boys for their own safety. Ideally, she should 'grey rock' him so that his focus moves away from her.

The SEN? Nice 🙄 Do you mean the children with sen?

@Upstartled sorry I didn’t mean to offend yes I meant the dc with SEN.

I don't understand quite why you'd speak to the school. Almost everything you've mentioned is what your DD has told you has happened so presumably the school already know what he's like? What are you adding to the situation?

If you were to approach the teacher what exactly would you like out of the conversation? Are you looking to inform them of his behaviour? Seek reassurance that his behaviour won't impact your DD? Or something else?

If the behavior is upsetting your DD - focus on that and approach the school with that angle. Keep the focus on your child and do not mention your views on how this other child is parented.

I did have this with a math test once myself in y7 - utterly bemused by it - but the lad in question wasn't as nasty as sounds here just very competitive all in top maths set and a bit in my face and he was second - he rapidly realised I was very shy and quiet but it put me on his radar as one of the people to watch - and was often very friendly afterwards. I was lucky he was decent and with some nice people as it was clear I was uncomfortable to other teens - but teacher was right there ignoring it which was my secondary all over.

How small is this school? I have absolutely no idea on half the stuff in your op. But then my dc in y7 is one of 'the sen' so maybe thats why....

Why do you care so much? And how do you know so much detail about his family, his character etc.

Presumably you're taking your child's word as gospel. Does it ever cross your mind she just doesn't like this kid?

Stop thinking and talking about him. You sound borderline obsessed.

It sounds like you and your DD would save a lot of mental energy by giving him less thought.

Presumably she’s the one reporting back on everything in school? When she brings it up give a quick “oh that’s a shame” or “that’s not very nice” or whatever but of acknowledgment then steer her on to a new topic.

It’s possible the school are being slow to deal with it because they don’t want to lose fees from his parents, but their could also be things going on in the background that’s private and rightly not being shared.

Not sure I’d be paying for the kind of school with an environment like this though - children with SEN separated, children being taken out of lunches and PE for study sessions, teachers who lose control of the classroom because of one child. Most state schools are better than that.

@CremeEggsForBreakfast yes i posted on here because tbh I can’t quite put my finger on it but he’s making me and my dd feel uncomfortable.

I don’t want him in trouble but I also feel like this seems to be a situation where if you don’t say something and he goes on to become worse I’d regret it. Feels like he thinks girls/women are beneath him. I think I will leave it then and tell dd to steer clear.

How do you know his parents are telling him how clever he is?

I'm taking the details with a pinch of salt but his behaviour would make me wonder if he also has SEN (and is why he's not out at break), I'm sure the teachers are aware but you should make them aware of what is happening specifically with your DD and how it's affecting her.

Why are the teachers reading out tests scores? That sounds horrendous. My DC usually figure out where they rank but only via discussion with each other. Occasionally the teacher may congratulate someone for doing particularly well but that sounds anxiety making for the students!

Sounds like he's getting extra lessons because he is behind, but his parents are telling him it's because he's so clever. Trying to boost his confidence probably but a bit daft. They have now set him expectations that he should do really well in tests and when he can't he has to blame someone, sad really. He may get car sick in the back of the car my DD did.

I mean this is the type of nut job parents you run the risk of coming across when you send your kids to a small private school.

Absolutely do not say anything to school or parents. Only concern yourself if a direct impact on your daughter.

I disagree - these parents are emotionally abusing their child and I think you should say something. Being told that you are special, different, the best (often by parents who are themselves narcissists) when you are demonstrably not is a frequent precursor to narcissistic personality disorder.