Advice pls, London based student DD still struggling to make friends

[gingerninja]

Anyone else with 1st year student children in London struggling to make friends? DD is very lonely despite being in a city with millions of people. Her uni is small (art & drama based) and it just doesn’t seem to have the opportunities to meet and hang out with people that other unis have, clubs are limited to identify based networking groups which she isn’t interested in. I’m struggle to know what to advise. Her halls is made up of mostly international students who are on shorter courses and tend to socialise in their language groups. Would be really grateful if anyone has any knowledge of good student hangouts that she can go and try and network. She’s based in NW6 but can travel into central London easily. Thanks

It is really tough and I think she's doing really well, even if she may not feel it. Any chance that she could start a club at the college? Film club? Cocktail society? crafts of some kind? Something quite broad where you can do something, but also just hang out and chat. She's surely not the only one feeling this way.

Thank you, she is. I’ve made this suggestion. Fingers crossed!

Great intel, thank you 🙏

👍 another issue which I forgot actually seems to be that the international students all seem to be completely minted and have parents credit cards to go on nights out/ eat out all the time so she’s trailing a bit as we absolutely can’t afford to fund that sort of lifestyle. Hopefully she will find her people

I'm a young professional in London so I get this. I reluctantly used Bumble BFF and actually had such success with it! You post what you want to do - get drinks, try a yoga class, go on hikes etc etc - and match with girls in your area. It's a really sweet platform to find likeminded girls who want more girl friends

I was at a big campus university on the edge of a thriving city centre with a huge student population, and I didn't make lots of friends right away, and struggled to meet people and to not feel lonely. Moving away from home at 18 is hard wherever you go. It's completely normal to feel lost and lonely at this stage in life. For those lucky enough to meet wonderful friends from day one - wonderful. But my experience was / is that this is the exception and not the norm.

Perhaps there's a period of transition and difficulty, and then things loosen up later on when you realise that yes, I have to go out there and make it happen, or I'm a year older and a bit wiser and more experienced and comfortable in my own skin. I can see that you're concerned, and you should absolutely be supportive and be there for her when she needs you. But, I'm afraid she needs to come to this on her own. She's an adult now, and she will be fine in time. I know it's hard for you (and for her), but it's all a learning experience and she will come out stronger, more confident and more resilient, in time. Good luck.

I didn’t live in halls at all when I went to uni. Most of my friends I met at work. Or through hobbies and interests. If she’s studying production (I worked in a professional theatre in uni), she should be putting in long hours in a studio, on set, in workshops. It’s about chatting with your co-students/colleagues and inviting them out for coffee or drinks or planning to cook dinner together and watch a film in the evenings. If she’s creative/techy, it’s the best way to meet people with similar interests.

Otherwise, pursuing hobbies (running, yoga, rowing, whatever) and getting to know people that way.

DS had this in his first year. He ended up volunteering at a soup kitchen in Central London (I can find out which one) and made a good group of friends - half of whom turned out to be at his uni and some on his course - but it was post Covid and everything was online. I think most volunteers there were undergrad students.

He also hung out at CSM - maybe the bar a PP suggested - and made a few friends there. he now shares a flat with one of them.

Is she musical? DS joined a band and that became his closest friendship group.

She wouldn't necessarily meet specifically students - but the lonely girls club is fab x

Camden Roundhouse runs cheap creative drop in sessions for 18-25 year olds. She might like the theatre one? DD is on a gap year in London this year and went to a couple. She said they were really friendly/inclusive and she thoroughly enjoyed them.

https://www.roundhouse.org.uk/drop-ins/

Also, this, which DD has not tried but looks v unpressured: https://getintotheatre.org/opportunities/experience/act-up-drama-club/

Also, if she joins a group like that, she might find that there are backstage opportunities too.

I just moved to Brighton 4 weeks ago and joined City Girl, there's something pretty much everyday. Gas she joined city Girl London? Meetup, Bumble BFF doing Olio would help her meet others too and get free food.

I did a similar degree in London (a while ago) in a small arts uni and am very sympathetic- I know your DD is working in a pub but would she consider trying to get a PT job in a London theatre? I was an usher then a dresser through uni (all evening work) and absolutely loved it - great bunch of like minded people and so fun. Just a thought!

Run clubs are super popular too. There's one for every permutation of runner or person.

Can she DEFINITELY not go along to clubs of other unis?

Long time ago now but this used to be a great place to hang out. With membership if she enjoys it and is keen to go a lot. Tends to be lots of students and people in their 20's, really sociable and non-drinking obviously. She could try a learn to climb course and see where it takes her. A lot of people will go for a drink together after a climbing session. It's a great workout and way more fun than the gym.
https://www.castle-climbing.co.uk/prices

There should be a wellbeing officer or department at her uni. Has she spoken to them to identify any opportunities she might be missing?

Nb are you sure that the issue isn't that she can't bring herself to join into things, rather that the joining opportunities just do not exist? Obviously equally as valid but they won't be solved or addressed instead same way.

Also, I just had a look on the Roundhouse website for other opportunities. I'm not sure what type of production your DD is interested in but they run some of short courses in music and media production which are not expensive and might be a good way to meet some like-minded people - maybe she could try out a different area from whatever her course is in. Lots are up to age 25. They also do monthly socials.

www.roundhouse.org.uk/young-creatives-11-30/youth-programme/