Advice pls, London based student DD still struggling to make friends

[gingerninja]

Anyone else with 1st year student children in London struggling to make friends? DD is very lonely despite being in a city with millions of people. Her uni is small (art & drama based) and it just doesn’t seem to have the opportunities to meet and hang out with people that other unis have, clubs are limited to identify based networking groups which she isn’t interested in. I’m struggle to know what to advise. Her halls is made up of mostly international students who are on shorter courses and tend to socialise in their language groups. Would be really grateful if anyone has any knowledge of good student hangouts that she can go and try and network. She’s based in NW6 but can travel into central London easily. Thanks

Would she like improv? Improv people are super friendly - try taking classes at the Free Association.

The Platform Bar - within Central Saint Martins campus in Kings Cross. (Student & Visitor hangout)

Thank you. I don’t think she’d have the confidence. Her course is production, she’s not keen on performance. Thanks anyway x

My son had this issue in his first year, we were worried as he didn't really get on with his flatmates and that was unusual for him.
By the second year he had decided to join any society or club that he was vaguely interested in. He made friends just because people who went to the club meetings would often go out for a drink or to socialise afterwards, and often THEIR friends would join them. So he wasn't limited to just the people at the club but met others too.
That worked for him and he met loads of people (eventually) that way. Does need a bit of bravery to join initially though. I suppose I'm trying to say, not very succinctly, don't rule out the clubs straight away.

Thank you, yes I think she’s going to have to try things she thinks she won’t like. Which is a battle, sigh.

How about something like Christian Union? You don't have to be fervently Christian to join, just not anti-Christian and respectful of their choices. They are usually a friendly and sociable bunch.

Appreciate the suggestion, but that wouldn’t be her cup of tea.

Plenty of opportunities to meet people as a youngster in a London. Part time job, gigs and events in Camden and Kings cross area. Meetup website has a ton of local activities and weekly groups. Volunteering.
She just needs to be proactive.
If she generally doesn't want to try new things and isn't comfortable making connections, then, I'm afraid you are not going to solve it for her.
What about people on her course? Does she not socialise with them?

Local sports team?

I’m not sure if you intended for your reply to sound as harsh as it does but of course she’s trying and I’m not trying to solve anything I just thought I’d ask if anyone had a similar experience because that’s what networks are for. To your points, socialising in London is expensive on top of enormous rent and travel costs so she is a bit limited. She has a PT job in a pub/restaurant, she has made a friend on her course but it’s a group of only 10 people so not a wide pool, she has a friend in her halls but there is not the community at the smaller London universities that you get at campus unis. Meet ups seem to be most often young professionals or foreign student groups and happen at the weekend when she’s working. She is also volunteering but is finding that an older age group. So, perhaps you understand why the ‘plenty of opportunities’ aren’t that plentiful and why I was just asking for ideas. She is 18, she is trying very hard to make it work.

Does she have a job? A part time retail or pub job can be a good way to make friends her age.

Also if she is doing production there must be student film making groups around, even if not at her uni.

I just wanted to offer solidarity. I was on a similar-ish sounding small course in terms of there being few clubs and societies and it was really hard to make friends. I can’t really offer advice as I just tried to muddle through and never really found a great solution. I think it’s particularly hard when you see school friends elsewhere having a ball so do reassure her she is in a difficult situation in terms of social connections and it’s not her failing.

Hi OP, I think it is really tricky in London. Due to cost, more people are likely to live out of halls and commute in. It may push her out of her comfort zone, but can she volunteer for productions etc or find a front of house type job where she's likely to meet other people? Or else (and this would have been hard for me too!) Can she be the person who instigates a regular drink in the union on a set evening for anyone to come along to and bring other friends if they like. In my experience, there are often others who feel the same and are grateful that someone has taken the initiative.

Local volunteering? I’m in a different area of London but next to a university. We have a local gardening/park maintenance group which lots of students join in with. There’s likely to be something similar near her.

This sounds a lot for an 18 year old in London. She is obviously doing everything she can. It took my dd a long time to feel that she had good friends at university, not until the second year really. DH didn’t make solid friends until the second year either. Dd1 is doing a masters and feeling quite lonely as she doesn’t know anyone on her course very well yet. Your dd isn’t at all unusual in needing time to build friendships; adjusting to new people and a new situation takes time.
I don’t know where you live but London can be daunting, it’s not an easy city to make friends in. Friendships often happen quite by chance, your dd hasn’t been there long, and over time she will get closer to people. A few months in London is the very beginning.

My DD is at a London uni tho a large one over several campuses. She's made friends through the student newspaper, she goes to a film club, she has joined a ramblers club & she's looking for a job. But it's a tough time finding any MW part-time jobs in London rn. She goes to tge SU if some friends are going too.

London IS a lonely city. I lived there for 27 years and the only friends I made was from work.

She does she’s working in a pub/restaurant at weekends. Thank you

Thank you for your comment, it would be great if the smaller London Unis were able to join the clubs and societies of the larger ones in the UofL confederate but having looked into it it’s a very limited offering. Her uni has so little on offer, it’s all just identify networking groups which she isn’t really in to.

If she working p/t and volunteering - how much social time does she have - becuase on top of course work that already sounds a lot.

It took DD2 till Y2 to settle in her no Lonodn uni and mainly as she found an student group - she had to try a few before she found that one. Turned out a lot of her course older and younger are also in the group so helps makes stronger connections and meet their friends as PP mentioned.

London harder I think as only people I know studying there are communting in a few days week and living at home and working p/t at home.

Thank you yes I agree, it’s so different to my own experience of uni which was just a huge community of students in a small town so you felt like you were part of something. In London you’re a tiny drop in the ocean 🥺 she is really trying and trust me her natural state is not to put herself out there so I think her confidence is taking quite a knock because nothing is sticking.

Even my DS London born friends re finding it hard in their y1 at university in London. Societies seem to be the main way to make friends. One has joined the heavy metal society and found a good bunch of down to earth people there. Another has joined a sport society (they are not particularly good at) and made some friends there.
Other ideas would be non student sport societies eg mixed tag rugby seems to have some friendly people and is quite welcoming to newbies. Or if she's vaguely good at any team sports then find a local club to join. London is tough to be honest

Thank you for understanding. It is tough in London, people assume that because it’s a thriving metropolis it must be full of opportunity. Sadly isn’t always the case

London does not reward the shy or incurious. My sister loved her London degree and made many many long term friends but there was a very sociable student union and she is a social person. By contrast my BF at the time knew barely anyone and bemoaned all the international students keeping in their little national groups. Your DD needs to get out and make effort - sports, student union (is there even one?), extra courses, debates - everything and anything that consistently puts her with a group of people.

Volunteering isn’t much and it’s connected to her course which is largely practical so once she’s left for the day she doesn’t have a lot of work outside of that. People do tend to commute which does seem to add to the problem of no one being around in the evenings.

Hu, I've had a quick read and don't think this has been suggested (apologies if it has!). There's a massive Facebook group called London lonely girls which brings together. I'm an older age group but there are thousands on there and people often meet up for advice hoc events. It would be well here checking that out.

Also social sports such as Go Mammoth or meet up may help.

It's sounds tough for her - she will find her tribe!