Husband making me feel rubbish for being tired

[Chronicnights]

I’m a midwife, work full time usually 3/4 shifts a week and a mixture of nights/long days. I have been on nights the last 2 weeks, just finished my final one last night. I’ve also come down with whatever lurgy the kids have brought home so I’m sure that’s also taking effect!
husband makes me feel so bad about being tired/sleeping during the day. Has just made a comment to me saying he doesn’t understand how I can be tired when I’ve slept all day.

I finish work at 07:30, was home around 08:00, made my daughters breakfast and spent some time with them this morning. Got into bed at 10:30 planning to sleep for a few hours (switching back to days on Monday so trying to sort my sleeping pattern out!) but ended up sleeping until 17:00. I still feel shattered!

it’s not just the comments, it’s also the scoffs under his breath, and the eye rolls.

just to add, I don’t shirk off my parental responsibilities. I race back from nights to do the school runs in the morning, I bath them & get them ready for bed before I leave for work and prep my older daughters packed lunch and uniform. Do all shopping/laundry and majority of the cleaning. He WFH pretty much full time in a very well paid job.

Nights are exhausting, and your DH sounds like an arsehole. You never sleep as well in the day as you do at night.

He's an ignorant unsupportive git. Nights are a killer, and switching shifts is worse. Doing it with the lurgy is even worse.

I'd be tempted to leave your dh to it, with work and both dcs. See how he copes on his own.

i truly struggle to sleep, I had a night last week I slept only 2 hours after and was back in that night. If I have a bad shift the anxiety stops me from sleeping so I feel like I’m constantly in sleep debt 🤣
i would love to leave him to it to be honest but stuff wouldn’t get done. They went out yesterday so I didn’t get them ready for bed & when I came back this morning both girls had slept in their day clothes 🫠

what the hell is wrong with him. youve not been sleeping all day, youve been sleeping for 8 hours.

did he expect you to do more snd hes had to do it or something?(boohoo hes needing to suck it up and crack on).

Time to blow up at him for not parenting or helping run the household properly
What a twat
Everyone knows night shifts are the worst

You're doing a hugely important and, at times stressful job and been on nights. He's being a twat.

Divorce

They went out yesterday so I didn’t get them ready for bed & when I came back this morning both girls had slept in their day clothes

WTF? Who puts their children to bed in their day clothes? That’s just laziness not getting children ready for bed and I’d be questioning if he managed to feed them before bed. Children shouldn’t need to live like this and you need to be having a serious word with him about his parenting. I wouldn’t be sticking around with a useless man like this.

I’m sorry… he left them to sleep in their clothes? I’d absolutely explode on him for scoffing at my tiredness when he’s barely a dad.

He sounds horrible.
He should be doing much more parenting as he is WFH during mostly school hours.

I would definitely bring up the day clothes thing. Whatever he thinks you should be doing, he should never let the kids suffer as part of a that’s a pink job and I only do blue jobs sexist view.

Op when dh asks how I’m tired I used to tie myself in knots trying to give him all the details of everything from home to work to kids … one day I just looked at him and said’i dunno’. From then on I have one line answers- do you never get tired? Or do you think I need a blood test or something? Or once I said ‘well you nap don’t you? I don’t get naps!’ or ‘didn’t you get up after me this morning?’ or sometimes I’d just laugh and smile. He doesn’t say anything anymore.

I’d also give him a talk about how horrible it is to sleep in clothes (unless it was a one off in which case I’d mention it). . Hope it all improves op

I race back from nights to do the school runs in the morning,

Why ?
He can take them

Oh my god, he's a selfish lazy twat. Read him the riot act and tell him he's not allowed a full night's sleep as he shouldn't be tired.

10.30 - 5pm is only six and a half hours. Hardly a lie-in. He's a git.

How many hours does he sleep for after a day of work in the house? I'll bet it's more than the 6 and a half hours you had today after working all night!

It sounds like he doesn't like you very much.

Honestly OP he sounds horrendous. So you're doing most of the parenting and household stuff, plus night shifts. And hes scoffing at you for being tired? I couldn't be with a man who cared this little. Absolute waste of space

How can he possibly think it’s acceptable to let your children get into bed without putting their pyjamas on? What is he on?
WTF is wrong with him?????
The amount of incompetent male parents never ceases to amaze me.
Get yourself a decent amount of rest OP. Why is he expecting you to function on hardly any sleep? Baffling.

This isn't funny though. I bet he didn't get them to brush their teeth either.

Can you imagine explaining to someone why you couldn't be bothered to get them changed into PJs without sounding like a neglectful mother?

Thank you so much for all your replies! I really do appreciate them. This is definitely not the only issue we have, and as a previous poster said I don’t think he likes me very much but he won’t leave. Both girls have special needs, younger one significantly more so (PDA profile) so I know it’s absolutely not easy taking care of them solo, but he often just sits on his computer while they tear through the house. It’s my birthday today and I’m sat wondering how this has become my life, I feel so sad. Obviously would never change my children for anything but combined with someone who doesn’t particularly like or respect me, and a job that leaves me a little more traumatised after every shift, it’s pretty sad. Feel like I need to make some serious changes but have no idea where to even start.

Happy birthday.
I am so sorry life is so hard.
Night duty is horrendously hard.
Your husband is a prick.
I'm so sorry.
Try and do something nice for yourself today, even picking up your favourite chocolate bar.

He's a selfish git and a shit father for starters.

Don't do anything for him any more.

Firstly happy Birthday and second you need to have a serious think about how you go about moving on with your life without him. Once you start it will all fall into place. It may not be easy but will be worth it. All the best. Your doing marvellous job by the way

As a poster said a few weeks ago, lots of men resent it when the wife/mother appliance starts malfunctioning or showing signs of wear and tear, as it inconveniences them and they don't like that. We see their behaviour change accordingly in order to 'reboot' the said appliance.

Edited to say 'Happy Birthday!' 🎂🎁

Happy birthday OP. Sorry to hear your DH is a selfish prick. He doesn’t think you should be sleeping at all he thinks all your time should be spent servicing the home.