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Original poster

Should I go to the wedding?

38 replies

Whatinthedoopla · 22/01/2026 19:21

I am am the breadwinner, and DH doesn't really contribute towards financial things at home.

His friend is getting married in the summer.

Should I say I can't go? I literally don't have money to buy a nice outfit or money to give towards a gift.

If he wants to go, should he go alone? Or if he wants me there, he needs to help with costs? Such as an outfit for me and travel and gift money?

OP posts:
MissConductUS · 22/01/2026 19:22

I'd let him go alone. Since it's his friend, it's silly to spend the money for you to go as well.

Furlane · 22/01/2026 19:24

It’s fine for him to go alone, it’s his friend. I really wouldn’t worry about it.

Greenfingers37 · 22/01/2026 19:25

Do you want to go? And why does your DH not contribute financially at home?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Weddings
TheTwenties · 22/01/2026 19:27

How can DH afford to go but you can’t?

DameOfThrones · 22/01/2026 19:29

I mean thing thing is, you've deliberately told us he doesn't contribute financially, and then deliberately left out the reason why.

The reason is obviously going to be pretty relevant when people are giving their considered replies 🤷‍♂️

GoldDuster · 22/01/2026 19:30

Hang on.. he doesn't contribute financially at home but can afford to go to a wedding you can't afford to attend?

What's going on?!

(No, you don't go if you don't want to.)

CreamEggsForever · 22/01/2026 19:31

Whatinthedoopla · 22/01/2026 19:21

I am am the breadwinner, and DH doesn't really contribute towards financial things at home.

His friend is getting married in the summer.

Should I say I can't go? I literally don't have money to buy a nice outfit or money to give towards a gift.

If he wants to go, should he go alone? Or if he wants me there, he needs to help with costs? Such as an outfit for me and travel and gift money?

The wedding seems the least of the problem - why does he not contribute?

Original poster
Whatinthedoopla · 22/01/2026 19:33

He can't afford to go. But if he manages to make some money by then.... Is the question

OP posts:
RaininSummer · 22/01/2026 19:36

Well if he manages to make some money he needs to give it you for household costs not spend it on his fun stuff.

BogusBargins · 22/01/2026 19:41

OP perhaps explain your set up household expenditure wise, to all of us right now sounds like you’re being financially abused. However your DH could be a SAHD and you’re telling him he needs to pay to attend a close friends wedding and find a way to pay for you…very different responses to both circs…

Arlanymor · 22/01/2026 19:44

BogusBargins · 22/01/2026 19:41

OP perhaps explain your set up household expenditure wise, to all of us right now sounds like you’re being financially abused. However your DH could be a SAHD and you’re telling him he needs to pay to attend a close friends wedding and find a way to pay for you…very different responses to both circs…

100% - we can’t offer advice based on the limited information that has been shared. On the outside it looks unfair, but things could be far more complex.

Original poster
Whatinthedoopla · 22/01/2026 20:01

BogusBargins · 22/01/2026 19:41

OP perhaps explain your set up household expenditure wise, to all of us right now sounds like you’re being financially abused. However your DH could be a SAHD and you’re telling him he needs to pay to attend a close friends wedding and find a way to pay for you…very different responses to both circs…

No, he is not a SAHD. Lost his job, he is trying to find a job

OP posts:
DameOfThrones · 22/01/2026 20:01

BogusBargins · 22/01/2026 19:41

OP perhaps explain your set up household expenditure wise, to all of us right now sounds like you’re being financially abused. However your DH could be a SAHD and you’re telling him he needs to pay to attend a close friends wedding and find a way to pay for you…very different responses to both circs…

It's like pulling teeth.

Original poster
Whatinthedoopla · 22/01/2026 20:04

RaininSummer · 22/01/2026 19:36

Well if he manages to make some money he needs to give it you for household costs not spend it on his fun stuff.

The wedding invite was made when he had a job, he has now been jobless for months.

So the question is, if he manages to get some money on the side, should I expect to still go with him, or he just goes alone as there might not be enough money for both?

As in, should he just be having the fun even if it's without me, because it's his friend.

OP posts:
Saz12 · 22/01/2026 20:04

So he can't contribute financially just now. Hopefully a temporary blip.

I think he should just go alone, and make sure he doesn't spend excessively on the bar or transpirt to/from - it'll be cheaper that way and you (jointly) will need yo build up some savings.

MeganM3 · 22/01/2026 20:05

If he has no income and you’re struggling, it doesn’t sound like he should be spending anything at all on going to a wedding. If he does happen to make some small amount of money then it should go towards the necessities you’re struggling to cover, and easing the strain you’re both feeling. Not a party!

But hard to really advise without the full picture.

Saz12 · 22/01/2026 20:06

X posted- jobless for months and looking to make "some money on the side"? Nò, he needs to get a real paying job - anything.

Vaxtable · 22/01/2026 21:13

He can go but I would make it clear he finds the money from somewhere to pay for it, you are not covering it

then if he gets a job to cover those funds he can get a job to help with household costs

Oopsylazy · 22/01/2026 23:09

If things are so bad you can’t afford to go to a wedding then I’m not sure he should be going either - even if he makes some money in the meantime.

It’s up to him I guess but I’d be miffed in this situation if dh thought going to a wedding was a priority (unless it’s local and isn’t going to cost much - you don’t need new outfits etc).

ultracynic · 22/01/2026 23:15

How much would it cost for him to go?
How much would it cost to both go?

If it’s mainly outfit costs try eBay or Vinted.

NormasArse · 22/01/2026 23:18

What was the job he used to do?

suburberphobe · 22/01/2026 23:23

His job search should be a full-time job.

Blondeshavemorefun · 22/01/2026 23:25

So dh doesn’t have a job. Hasn’t for months and pays nothing

you can’t afford to pay for both of you - is it abroad then?

does he have the money to go

What’s the cost of the wedding /travel /hotels

wear a dress you have if want to go - depending that the above costs are

Empress13 · 22/01/2026 23:28

Whatinthedoopla · 22/01/2026 19:33

He can't afford to go. But if he manages to make some money by then.... Is the question

Why? Does he not work? If he can’t afford to go then he can’t go

Original poster
Whatinthedoopla · 22/01/2026 23:30

Blondeshavemorefun · 22/01/2026 23:25

So dh doesn’t have a job. Hasn’t for months and pays nothing

you can’t afford to pay for both of you - is it abroad then?

does he have the money to go

What’s the cost of the wedding /travel /hotels

wear a dress you have if want to go - depending that the above costs are

I don't have any nice dresses, or shoes, I only have a pretty white dress which I can't wear haha

It's a UK wedding, a few hours away, we would need hotel/outfits/gift/travel money/who knows what else

OP posts: