Why isn't a central list of funerals.

[Worryabouteverything]

Someone we know very well. The deceased husband is the only contact we have.
They had no children.
Nothing is on social media. Nor in the local paper.
We only have 2 funeral directors in town and we have phoned them.
Unfortunately neither have any details.
We are now wondering if it's a direct funeral.
Any suggestions on how we can find out.

Google search will throw out any details the family decide to included in the notice. Eg prior name /prior homes /prior jobs / DoB / DoD

So there is no need to contact the family or friends directly as the listing normally contains clear instructions on contacting family attending the service and flowers/donations etc.

So culture not numbers

There are some UK sites that list funerals.

https://funeral-notices.co.uk/

Nope
And would not have them as family dont have to apply for the cert

We only know the deceased through our book club. Her husband was never involved.
None of the other members know him either. He just sent a text message to the organiser
that she has died using his late wife's phone.

@AnSolas Plenty of people don’t publish funeral details as they are private. No search picks it up. Usually executor writes to organisations and friends. If they don’t it’s because they haven’t bothered or don’t want anyone there except family. It’s a shame, but it happens.

The crematorium sometimes publishes a list of upcoming funeral services.

How long ago did te pass awsy? Maybe it’s not been organised yet.

Could you send a card to the persons home address, addressed to ‘the family of..’ with a note inside saying you’d like to pay your respects and would like the funeral details.’

Sorry for your loss.

Well, ask the book club organiser to text back to that number expressing condolences and saying that his wife’s book club friends would like to attend her funeral, if they’d be welcome?

It's fascinating to see the huge focus on privacy in the responses here, in Ireland the focus is on letting as many people as possible know as quickly as possible. Such different cultures.

This - that would be standard wouldn't it? The husband can either reply or ignore depending on the situation.

Well, she just needs to text back expressing condolences and asking if he could let her know about the funeral when the arrangements have been confirmed.

Yes, it’s not the bigger population that would make RIP.ie not work in the UK, it would be not wanting ‘uninvited’ people to attend funerals.

I'm in Scotland where I think the culture around funerals is similar to Ireland. In my village, the local undertaker usually puts a notice in the window of the village shop. And increasingly the family or church put a notice on Facebook.

My dad was Irish and this would no doubt have been the case had he lived in Ireland.

But he lived in England with (very) English kids. So we didn’t what we wanted and kept it very small and private.

@OhDear111

Irish culture is vastly different.
Its fast a 3 day fixed timeline.
unless
doctor will not sign the cause of death "pre-death cert" as the official death cert is not needed
or family cant make the date
or service venue is in use.

If you (not even family) are told of a death you work down through a list of people who would/could know the deceased or member of family or friend of family and anybody you think should know and phone them in that order. If you dont connect you call their family/NDN and ask her/him to knock in asap and let them know.

Its is very much a community focused rite.
You bring food to feed the family and the community who gather (unless asked not to).
You offer to help organise the life-goes-on-stuff of life (house/dogsitting for the day cars/driver for wider family/friends who need transport etc)
Its a "celebration" of who she/he was as well as a time of grief.

He just sent a text message to the organiser that she has died using his late wife's phone.

If he has access to her phone, the obvious answer is to message back asking for details.

@AnSolasWell yes but people are not all the same are they? I’m sure the Irish are not all the same and funeral directors might even have delays! What about inquests? Do they exist? I’m not sure your turn around applies to all circumstances, especially where cause of death isn’t obvious.

Yes.

For example, someone who lives near me died unexpectedly, early on December 26th and because of the circumstances was not buried until January 1st.

The delay was inevitable, but was remarked on. By the ca 200 people who went to the funeral.

Different cultures.

In England it's very much about personal choice. You are given choices when you go to the funeral director. Do you want to view the body? Church or crem? Advertise or not. Burial or cremation. Memorial stone or scatter ashes? Lots of different cultural backgrounds and personal preferences here and that is respected rather than one size fits all being expected.

No delays. Inquests into suspicious deaths, sure, but we’re talking about ordinary deaths. My uncle died early last Sunday morning (Sunday of last week) in hospital. The first part of his funeral (at the funeral parlour) was on Monday evening. His funeral and cremation were on Tuesday afternoon. That’s an ordinary timescale. Outside of suspicious deaths, the only delays might be caused by immediate family flying back from Australia or somewhere distant. Though more people choosing cremation may change that as there are still very few crematoria.

Or, back in the days before mobiles, by immediate family being on holiday and uncontactable. You used to hear radio stations broadcasting ‘Will X, believed to be on holiday in the Dingle area, get in touch with John asap?’

My father’s brother was on holiday in Spain when my grandfather (his father) died unexpectedly, in the days before mobiles, and was told to call home by someone who recognised him, having just arrived.

Late dh's family would have missed his funeral if a quick turnaround was expected as they had to apply for visas to come from South Africa to England.

Well. It’s the same in Ireland, though open coffins are far more the norm, and the default mode (though by no means compulsory) is for the first part of a funeral to involve condoling with the family in the presence of the dead person, at home or at a funeral parlour. I also think that it less usual for people to keep ashes at home for long periods of time, though that may change. Cremation is still fairly new as a widespread practice.

Yes I get different cultures! Took me several days to agree hymns, readings and order of service, let alone meet the busy vicar! As DM was 100, no friends left unfortunately. All predeceased her. Most people in Uk don’t just turn up for booze and free food.

I’m not sure what you mean by your final sentence, but my uncle’s funeral had a full church of people, many from the tiny townland sixty miles away where he grew up, who all had to leave again after the ceremony to get home in time for evening milking. The food after the cremation ended up being fewer than fifty, just immediate family.

In the nicest possible way you havent been invited to the funeral, so even if you could find out, dont just turn up when not invited.

@HundredsandHundreds In the uk, people tend to be invited by family. If people hours away (a whole village) are invited, great. Here we like to know numbers for catering and have some control. Many funerals are family only and later there’s a memorial service. Just different - but overall people who turn up who only very loosely “know”
or know of the deceased are often viewed as being there for booze and food, not respect or affection. We like to control numbers as crematoriums have different spaces available too and parking is limited.