Why do some men do this!?

[beanzzz]

I’m currently waiting for a train on the platform and sitting on a small bench - it can fit two people max. The bench next to me is empty - someone has put their very small bag in the corner but no one is sitting there and there’s plenty of room. So why, why, WHY does a random man decide he needs to sit next to me instead of on the empty bench!?

I had something similar happen in a train a few months ago. I was sitting on a two-seater and had my big bags on the seat next to me - I’d never do this on a full train, but all the two-seaters around me were also only occupied by one person, so I didn’t see any need to. At the next stop, a man got on, and instead of sitting down next to any one of the several men who had an empty seat next to them - and no luggage - he decided to ask me to move my bags and sit next to me instead.

Why!?

100% agree. It's weird and sinister, and it gives me the skeevies. 😖

Some men will deliberately target any given woman, (and sit next to her despite many other seats being available,) purely to intimidate her and make her feel uncomfortable, because it gives them a kick, and a thrill. (Often they will do it whether he fancies her or not,)

I have even heard stories of men following women when they're walking, just conveniently going the same way. Whether it's to engage with them, and get their attention coz they fancy them, or whether it's to intimidate. Or all of the above!

I seriously doubt (speaking as a bloke) if he gave it any thought at all.

And a few men sit next to women when there are plenty of alternatives because they are sexual predators, as we all know.

I think this is the problem. I have had to actively explain to male friends how intimidating it is to e.g. walk very close to a lone woman at night or strike up a conversation with a far younger woman travelling alone on a train. They could be perfectly harmless but they literally don’t think about how women feel. Literally. They don’t think.

Whereas a woman alone in the world often feels she has to constantly have her wits about her, constantly make risk assessments. Even the authorities “advise” women not to wear headphones so they can hear the footsteps of a predator behind them. Every film we see has a woman going about her business casually with a nefarious man in the background plotting something against her. Yet 90% of the men we are risk assessing are literally not thinking!

Well said

Ooh this struck a chord as I had exactly the same situation happen to me in summer - long time back but was off putting enough for me to remember. It was a glorious sunny day and I decided to read on a park bench, enjoy some quiet time. Along comes a man, who plonks himself uncomfortably next to me, despite there being empty benches either side. I decided to ignore him and carry on reading, but after half an hour I found it impossible relax so moved on and went for a wander, thinking I'll find another bench further away. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he'd made me uncomfortable. Two minutes later who'd I see pass me - yep, bench bloke. I can only think he'd done it deliberately, to unsettle and unnerve me, otherwise he'd have remained sitting.

I haven't experienced this as being gender specific but an equivalent is when people park next to you in a not very busy car park. I deliberately park in the corner away from people and then somebody comes along parks right next to you!

This is so annoying! I always go for empty bits in car parks, empty seats on buses and trains, but so many humans are sheep. Trying to look the same too.

Reasons could be:

On the train - the man didn’t want to sit next to the other men for whatever reason. Or had an issue with your bag being on the seat.

The men in both situations liked the looks of you so wanted to sit next to you.

The men were not very aware of, and oblivious to, the alternatives.

Yes, it is very annoying, especially if you are driving distances for work and have stopped to listen to the radio and have some lunch so deliberately are trying to be out of the way. I actually move my car now unless I'm about to leave the car park. You do get funny looks if you just move along to another space and they watch you do it! I wasn't sure if it was because some people can't park without a car next to them but you shouldn't drive if you are that bad at driving! I am the same with cafes or even the cinema. I was with my DH in an empty cinema once and this couple sat almost next to us, they literally had the choice of empty rows so I moved us. My husband doesn't care about this stuff and wonders what I am doing but then sometimes with parking I notice he is that person who parks next to someone in a fairly empty car park whereas I prefer to park further away and use my legs! My DC laugh about my quirk!

I'm assuming your bags have never been sat on the ground where dogs pee, birds shit etc. If this is the case you have a little bit of sympathy from me.

However, if your bags are treated in the same way as most bags, for example sat on the floor next to you on a train platform, bus stop etc., you shouldn't be putting them on seats that are designed for people to sit and hopefully not get pee, shit and dirt on their clothes.

It really pisses me off to see people plonk their feet/shoes, bags etc. up on the seats with no thoughts for other users! Rant over!