Why do some men do this!?

[beanzzz]

I’m currently waiting for a train on the platform and sitting on a small bench - it can fit two people max. The bench next to me is empty - someone has put their very small bag in the corner but no one is sitting there and there’s plenty of room. So why, why, WHY does a random man decide he needs to sit next to me instead of on the empty bench!?

I had something similar happen in a train a few months ago. I was sitting on a two-seater and had my big bags on the seat next to me - I’d never do this on a full train, but all the two-seaters around me were also only occupied by one person, so I didn’t see any need to. At the next stop, a man got on, and instead of sitting down next to any one of the several men who had an empty seat next to them - and no luggage - he decided to ask me to move my bags and sit next to me instead.

Why!?

@VimesandhisCardboardBoots interesting, thank you for commenting! I can understand that, as infuriating and selfish as it may be!

And agree with posters who have said that it's a completely different scenario if it's a woman. I recently had a woman sit next to me on a late night bus that happened to have a lot of men in it - I completely understood why she did that and felt a bit safer myself having her next to me.

Women generally take up less space. So men sitting next to them get more.

I was on an almost empty train once with about 6 people in the whole carriage and someone asked me to move my bag so they could sit in the seat next to me despite there being about 100 other empty seats.

I even said ‘there’s loads of other seats’ and she replied ‘yes but I want to sit here’

Very very odd

Did you check MN afterwards for a thread? 😬😁

I was on a bus in Mallorca once and had to put my little wheelie case on the floor in front of the seat next to me as there was no specific luggage area. A man got on and decided he had to have that seat despite their being plenty of others free, so I had to squash my case onto my feet.

I didn't say anything as I don't speak much Spanish. Then he said "thank you" to the bus driver. So I bloody well wish I had told him to sit elsewhere.

I assume men often sit next to me for the same reason that I pick a woman to sit next to if I have the choice. Most women take up less space so there is more room in the second seat.

I’m out and about a lot and see this all the time. I’ve summised that many men want so desperately to have some kind of interaction with a woman that they encroach on her space. I get men walking towards me closely all the time when there is acres of room, they sit next to me where there are empty seats, they stand right behind me in a queue breathing down my neck. Etc. I guess they don’t get any female attention.

At that point, I'd move seats myself.

I did! Plenty of empty ones to choose from

This brings back an unpleasant memory on a train from my youth. As a young woman I was travelling to a neighbouring city in evening dress and heels to a black tie business dinner. I sat in my first class seat at the window to be followed in by old man stinking of alcohol who persisted in trying to strike up conversation with me despite my obvious disinterest. I was effectively trapped as it was a table seat.

Even my working on a document and my polite ‘excuse me, but I must work’ didn’t squash his feeling of entitlement to my attention. Fortunately the ticket inspector arrived and evicted him as he had a standard ticket. The two young guys sitting opposite on the other side of the table were in fits of laughter. I hadn’t found it so funny.

I’ve never let a man trap me in the inside seat since - I always sit on the outside with access to the aisle. I’ve told my girls to do this too.

A male friend on hearing this story later at the dinner said I should have told the old guy straight out to get lost. I pointed out that at over six feet tall and as a bloke he might feel
more comfortable than I would at potentially antagonising someone much bigger than me who has already demonstrated an entire lack of interest in my wishes.

Men don't like sitting next to other men because they know what fucking twats they are, so they sit next to you instead.

But this isn’t just men at all, I went to the cinema and a family came in and sat right on the seats in front of us in a completely empty cinema 🤷‍♀️ and then a family came into the park, where there was at least 10 empty benches yet sat on the one right next to us, so hardly just men is it?

@EvelynBeatrice I totally understand why you didn’t want to challenge him, it must’ve been infuriating when your male friend suggested that.

@RanchRat I think that’s a very succinct and accurate explanation!

How do they know the OP isn't a fucking twat if they've never met her?

I honestly think it’s usually this rather than the pervy angle - though obviously there are the ones who want to be in close proximity to a woman 🤮

Women are far less likely to start trouble with a man aren’t they?

Are you being deliberately obtuse?

I mean I wasn't actually replying to you was I?

Which is why your reply to me doesn't actually make sense.

The PP I actually was replying to didn't mention starting any kind of trouble.

This. ^

@beanzzz He wanted to sit next to you, he knew it would be weird and make you feel uncomfortable, but he didn't care. Because control, manipulation, male physical strength over female, knowing you would be likely to not ask him to move, patriarchy, misoginism, arrogance, narcissim...... The list is endless. Some men are cunts.

However @MylipstickiscalledHugMe I doubt he would have done this to another man. Men never do shit like this to other men.

I have had men do this to me - what happened to the OP. I just get up, walk off, and sit somewhere else. I don't give a shit if I offend them.

There’s nothing that gives me the ick more than a man sitting next to a woman on any public transport, or any time really when there are other options/seat. It’s total creep behaviour. I’m not a feminist by any means but it doesn’t sit right with me.
I went to the cinema a few years ago with DS to see titanic in 4d (he’s titanic obsessed) we always book the seats at the end of the row as DS is a big lad and needs the leg room. There was literally no one else in the row yet some man, who actually looked creepy booked and sat directly next to us.( I know he’d booked it as I always check before to see if we have anyone else in our row. So I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that he most likely thought it was 2 women as it was the titanic. He gave the creeps the whole way through the movie.

What on earth are you on about?

You responded to the poster who said:
Men don't like sitting next to other men because they know what fucking twats they are, so they sit next to you instead.

with:

How do they know the OP isn't a fucking twat if they've never met her?

Obviously insinuating (correctly) that a woman can be a twat too.

I pointed out that women are far less likely to cause trouble with a man, even if they’re a twat. That’s why men sit next to them.

Do you understand now? And fyi you’re on a public forum, anyone can respond to any other person.

You seem determined to argue with people for some reason - is it past your bedtime?

I know you think you're being clever but you just sound like you're stamping your foot in the playground.

The PP didn't mention starting trouble.

That was something you said because you either simply didn't understand, or you were being deliberately obtuse.

I'm not really sure what your agenda is here?

Kk SallyD00lally 🤔

I can’t help it if you don’t understand the point that poster was making.

Agree. 100% different if it's a woman.