Upset after dentist checkup

[ChatterMonkey]

So something happened today that has really upset DH, want to check with others whether this is just one of those things, or wether im right to have expected this to not happen....

Its around the anniversary of the passing of DH's mum, so he is more sensitive atm. He is still dealing with severe PTSD due to the circumstances of his mums death, so feels slightly more raw than 'normal' grief (what a stupid term, theres no normal, but you know what I mean)

He woke up today feeling really anxious as he has a lot on with work atm. Went to the dentist in the morning, and they handed him the form with his details to check they are up to date. All normal.

On the form, it lists your next of kin/emergency contact. It used to be his mum a long time ago, and he changed it to me when I moved in. On the form, it listed his mums name, with a big line through it. Which was a massive shock to see it on paper so brutal like that, that he burst out crying, and apparently cried all the way through the dentist appointment.

I know a lot of the background to this was not something they could know, but surely theres a different way of presenting that next of kin information in a less harsh format, for many reasons??

Is it unreasonable to expect the dentists office to do this differently, and point out why this is not appropriate?

I'm aware that in emotional in his defence, and could be taking it more personally, so willing to be told (nicely!) that im overreacting...

Okay, you asked it, nicely, overreacting.

When someone passes and you have trauma from it, so many different things upset you. He could’ve sat next to a lady in reception who had exactly the same name as his mother. That probably would’ve also upset him.

You could contact the dentist and ask them to please tippex out of the form so he doesn’t have to look at it, but no they haven’t done anything wrong.

there is nothing wrong with him being upset. But he is still clearly very damaged by it, and it’s nothing wrong with the dentist practice crossing out a name and replacing within another.

It sounds as though it’s him who crossed it out and they just re use the same form, asking for updates and a new signature each time. They don’t know why he changed his emergency contact, he’s being over sensitive. I say this as someone who lost their Dad a year ago.
It would be reasonable to ask them to make a note to get him to do a brand new form next visit but it wouldn’t be reasonable to complain as they haven’t done anything wrong.

I'm really sorry he's feeling so upset, but kindly, he's being massively sensitive at present. It's so hard when the world doesn't stop when we feel like it should though.

The dental surgery did not act inappropriately, and neither did your DH. Grief takes us in so many different ways.

Wouldn’t his mums name be crossed out because he added you. I doesn’t sound like they crossed her name out because they knew she was dead. It’s just an unfortunate situation made worse by the way he is feeling at the moment.

I agree with PPs that they didn’t do anything wrong.

Although for the sake of a clear form, I don’t think crossing out and writing in other details in (presumably) any leftover space is a sensible way of recording things.

but surely theres a different way of presenting that next of kin information in a less harsh format, for many reasons??
But they crossed it out and replaced it with yours when he asked them to, they probably aren’t even aware she’s died?

Yes, you are overreacting but can understand why.

Huge overreaction. Understandable in the circumstances but still…

I completely agree with this. They haven’t done anything wrong.

Neither are in the wrong here. Understandable tjat your husband is upset but sadly with grief there are lots of unavoidable triggers. He juat needs to be kind to himself and let the emotions come and pass

Massive overreaction.

Feeling sad at seeing mum crossed out ok, crying all through dental appointment total overreaction.

Well, what anniversary? One year? Somewhat understandable. Two, three, four years? Really should be less and less of an issue. I have my mum and dad's dates when they died in my Google calendar, I don't dwell on those dates.

This. It is extreme. Why were the circumstances so traumatic? Is it a year anniversary?

Has he had therapy?

My dad had this when he went in for a colonoscopy they read about my mums name as next of kin and she’d died some years before- dad was momentarily taken aback and welled up as it wasn’t expected!

It could have been handled better by the dentists, maybe suggest to them that they offer a new form to check when the previkus one has amended. This cant be the first time someone has had to change the form due to bereavement.

Maybe an email.offering comstructive critisim would be helpful as its not something that has been bought to thier attention before.

I agree with others though anything could have upset him today, u lost my father six months ago and i cried in the loo at work last week because his favourite song came on the radio.

Massive overreaction, I'm afraid. There was no need for any reaction tbh, it wasn't anything they did wrong.

I feel terribly for your husband but I don't think the dentist surgery has done anything wrong. Is he getting appropriate therapy for this?

It's the reminder he's getting. He's seeing his mum's name with a strikethrough as if to say she's been, well, deleted. That's probably what's hurting your DH. Everyone grieves in a different way. Unfortunately the world doesn't stop when tragedy strikes. You just want to press the pause button and not deal with the world for a while, but sadly, the more you ruminate, the less you're able to move on. I'm so sorry for your DH, he must have been very close to his mum, bless him 💐

Sorry but to cry all through the dentist appointment is massive overreaction for an adult. When did his mum die and how traumatic was it? Sounds like he needs psychiatric help.

Has it always been like this?

It seems a bit messy/unprofessional to leave old details on it from years ago.

Some people have their parent, then get married, then divorced, then married again etc and you’d end up with a massive list of crossed out numbers.

Obviously your DH was a bit over sensitive but it’s understandable, however I think the dentist needs a better system.

He’s got PTSD and he’s grieving.

I agree he needs some help but I think it’s unfair to say it’s a massive overreaction.

There’s nothing wrong with showing your emotions and sometimes they just come out unexpectedly.

It sounds like he’s been holding it all in and it has caught up on him.

I'm sorry your husband has lost his mother, but you can't possibly think the dentist has done anything wrong @ChatterMonkey

He just needed to ask them to remove his mother as next of kin as she is now deceased.

Sounds like he needs some serious counselling if he is sobbing all the way through his dental appointment. If he was so worked up, he should have re-arranged the appointment.

You say it's 'around the anniversary of his mother's death...' How long has it been? One year? Two? Five? How many years?

Totally over the top .
How was the dentist supposed to know DPs mother had died?
How long have you been married?, why weren't you named as next of kin?