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Upset after dentist checkup

32 replies

ChatterMonkey · 19/01/2026 16:43

So something happened today that has really upset DH, want to check with others whether this is just one of those things, or wether im right to have expected this to not happen....

Its around the anniversary of the passing of DH's mum, so he is more sensitive atm. He is still dealing with severe PTSD due to the circumstances of his mums death, so feels slightly more raw than 'normal' grief (what a stupid term, theres no normal, but you know what I mean)

He woke up today feeling really anxious as he has a lot on with work atm. Went to the dentist in the morning, and they handed him the form with his details to check they are up to date. All normal.

On the form, it lists your next of kin/emergency contact. It used to be his mum a long time ago, and he changed it to me when I moved in. On the form, it listed his mums name, with a big line through it. Which was a massive shock to see it on paper so brutal like that, that he burst out crying, and apparently cried all the way through the dentist appointment.

I know a lot of the background to this was not something they could know, but surely theres a different way of presenting that next of kin information in a less harsh format, for many reasons??

Is it unreasonable to expect the dentists office to do this differently, and point out why this is not appropriate?

I'm aware that in emotional in his defence, and could be taking it more personally, so willing to be told (nicely!) that im overreacting...

OP posts:
Clefable · 19/01/2026 18:15

Ah I can understand to an extent, my mum died in 2023 and she’s still in my phone favourite contacts as I can’t bring myself to delete her. Seeing her crossed out on a form would make my breath catch I think. But the continued crying is a result of his PTSD/mental health stuff, not really due to their admin process. I think it’s just one of those horrid little jolts you get throughout life when you’ve lost someone. For most of us, it’s just a kind of ‘ugh’ in our stomach and then we just carry on. But for him it’s obviously a lot deeper.

spitofyou · 19/01/2026 18:15

No, I’m sorry but that’s inappropriate. A lot of people will say it’s not because it’s your husband and his mum, but it is.

There could be any number of reasons why someone has replaced their next of kin - divorce, abuse, death, estrangement. The correct thing to do is to just print a new form with the new name on it.

The anniversary of someone’s passing is also a very difficult day. It’s no wonder it upset him.

ChatterMonkey · 19/01/2026 18:19

I dont want to go into the details of the help he is receiving, I thought the mention of the diagnosis of severe ptsd directly linked with the circumstances of her death would be enough.

I asked DH if explained to the dentist why it upset him, and he did, so thats enough.

I was just a bit surprised that this was how they recorded a change of next of kin, as surely its quite common for this change to be for upsetting reasons (bereavement, divorce etc)

But dont worry, no big complaints to the dentist are coming from us.

OP posts:
ChatterMonkey · 19/01/2026 18:21

Dollymylove · 19/01/2026 18:13

Totally over the top .
How was the dentist supposed to know DPs mother had died?
How long have you been married?, why weren't you named as next of kin?

I am the next of kin, I said that it was updated when I moved down.

So the striking out of the name wasn't actually anything to do with her death, just a very unfortunate way of recording a change of next of kin details.

OP posts:
spitofyou · 19/01/2026 18:24

ChatterMonkey · 19/01/2026 18:21

I am the next of kin, I said that it was updated when I moved down.

So the striking out of the name wasn't actually anything to do with her death, just a very unfortunate way of recording a change of next of kin details.

The who, what, where and why don’t matter. It’s totally inappropriate of the dentist and I’d be sending an email to suggest they changed their policy.

sploshsplash · 19/01/2026 18:30

There’s no right or wrong way to grieve and I can’t believe I’ve seen comments such as ‘massive overreaction’
grief catches you out. There is no getting over it, it’s just learning to live with those awful feelings.
The dentist haven’t acted wrongly but I do feel a form should be able to be updated without the history being on show. I do feel very sad for your husband. I’ve been in a shop and seen something I think my mum would’ve liked and cried before. It’s uncontrollable sometimes especially if he hasn’t worked though those feelings yet.

Uhghg · 19/01/2026 19:45

sploshsplash · 19/01/2026 18:30

There’s no right or wrong way to grieve and I can’t believe I’ve seen comments such as ‘massive overreaction’
grief catches you out. There is no getting over it, it’s just learning to live with those awful feelings.
The dentist haven’t acted wrongly but I do feel a form should be able to be updated without the history being on show. I do feel very sad for your husband. I’ve been in a shop and seen something I think my mum would’ve liked and cried before. It’s uncontrollable sometimes especially if he hasn’t worked though those feelings yet.

I completely agree.

My mum cried in the middle of Tesco after picking up an item that her mum used to buy.

It was months after she’d died and it just triggered her.
I think she’d actually not cried enough and kept it in which is why it came out so unexpectedly.

I can’t believe the amount of posters saying he’s overreacting or being way over the top.

No one chooses to have grief or trauma.
I’m sure him crying at the dentist was the last thing he wanted to do.

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