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I hate being female, hate having a hormonal cycle and I hate perimenopause even more.

41 replies

MonsterMunchforbreakfast · 17/01/2026 11:55

41 years of periods and a horrible cycle and still it carries on with no end in sight.

Heavy from the time they started at 12 and I have spent most of my adult life with anaemia. I have also spent most of those 41 years living my life around my heavy periods but being told it's all 'normal' for some women to experience. I have been a gynae patient at the same hospital since my mid 20's (now 53) and have trialled endless medications which all made me feel worse, been through many uncomfortable internal procedures, experienced years of infertility and for the last 8 years I have been in perimenopause which has made everything a million times worse.

Three years ago my ferritin levels fell to below 2 (well, I actually found out they'd been that low for 5 years!) and I had to have infusions. I then opted for the uterine ablation thinking the heavy bleeding was my main problem and it would sort all of my problems. Turns out it didn't help at all really. Yes it is lovely not to be flooding every month but I simply swapped heavy bleeding for pain, I didn't factor in that my body would still be in a cycle so every 'period' my uterus tries to push out the blood which isn't there causing horrible cramping and making my IBS even worse (since found many FB support groups with women in the same position). My gynae wasn't interested and simply suggested pain relief, I insisted on a MRI scan which discovered endomtriosis and adenomyosis, I was 50 when I found this out. Seems the adenomyosis was always there mildy (have found it mentioned in previous scans but my gynae failed to mention this). The ablation has now caused the condition to become diffuse throughout the walls of my uterus which is making the pain worse. I am now on a waiting list for a hysterectomy which I really really do not want (I am not mentally well enough for major surgery right now).

And perimeonpause appears to be the unwanted gift which keeps on giving. I have been experiencing symptoms since the age of 45 and things just get worse and worse. The luteral stage of my cycle is especially awful, I am so anxious, so panicky, moody, depressed, my whole body seems on edge, achy, in pain, bad guts, bad indigestion, everything I eat makes me feel awful and I just don't feel right. I do not feel like myself at all. I hate having a cycle and I only feel well for a few days at the end of my 'period'. I still track my cycle and will have a period around day 25-32, usually day 28. I will bleed a teeny bit, hardly anything but I know that means I am still in a normal cycle and I also show signs of ovulation. When will it ever end? I am 53 in March ffs, can I not get a break?

I trialled HRT but that made me feel worse and was concerned the hormones were feeding the endo. My endo gynae has no interest in HRT so couldn't advise me. He suggested Zoledex or Ryeqo. I have tried both and they gave me awful side effects including a worsening of my aura migraines which are hormonally induced (had them throughout pregnancy and every period). I am just getting by with pain relief during my period and putting up with all other symptoms (which is having a hugely detrimental effect on my mental health right now). Tried antidepressants but can not find one which doesn't worsen my gut issues.

I don't know who else to see for help. My GP says she doesn't know what to suggest due to my more complex gynae issues and being under the gynae department. I don't have money to go see anyone privately and even if I did I am not sure who to see - another gyane/a menopause specialist or private GP?

Has anyone else been in a similar position? What can I do to feel more human? Right now I am really not enjoying being female and have had an absolute gutload of gynae issues and am just living in hope that my cycle will stop within the next year or so, surely this can't continue. Isn't the average age for menopause 51? Why is my body not average?

OP posts:
MonsterMunchforbreakfast · 19/01/2026 09:16

JillMW · 18/01/2026 17:40

I swim, a lot. It did help me through and tbh the pools are mainly run by private companies now and even those and ones still run by the council are often a lot cleaner and better managed than the ones in hotels or gyms. I think swimming is the one sport where you come out more energised when you get out than when you get in.
I had periods from age 13 to age 60. Extremely painful, heavy and also endometriosis. The endometriosis did not go completely with menopause, I still had it corresponding with my previous cycle, which was regular to the end.
For me the menopause has been absolutely wonderful. I have 365 days of the year where I have bags of energy and no mood swings (of course we all have mood changes but they are nothing like hormonal ones).
The only negative for me has been other people ( usually women) telling me I have let myself go. I am not sure if that is because I did look very young before or if I look old now 😂. I work hard to keep my figure lithe but I won’t dye my hair or have aesthetic treatment. I feel that is their issue not mine, whilst they are commenting on me I am not looking in the mirror; I am in the sea doing water sports, swimming at the pool, boxing, weight training, travelling, looking after a parent, babysitting, reading, in the pub, writing books, at a gig etc etc trust me life is fantastic!

Thank you, that gives me hope. I really long for menopause and hope it frees me from the restraints having a cycle has placed upon me all of these years. I read accounts of so many women mourning their cycle when they enter menopause and I can not comprehend that. Yes, my fertile years have given me two lovely dc for which I will be forever grateful but the majority of that time has been a whole heap of misery.

OP posts:
GiantTeddyIsTired · 19/01/2026 09:28

I just had ablation (partial - apparently my womb was oversized - probably due to the excessive bleeding), and a Mirena put in at the same time. The doc reckoned that the two together should do the trick to sort my periods which had become ridiculous over the past 3 years (I'd got to the point of just wearing incontinence pants, after years of incontinence pads rather than try to use normal period products which just didn't cut it, and realised that 3-4 days of bleeding so heavy I was basically in nappies needed something done about it!)

My doc said that the advantage of the Mirena vs. the pill was that because it was in there, it was directly applied, rather than circling your whole system like from the pill, so it tended to work with fewer side effects, plus it was basically half of HRT should I decide I needed that in the future.

I get the achy issue - I was lucky - lots of iron tablets, and staying away from un-treated dairy (milk in tea OK, cream on strawberries and I feel awful) seems to have got my tiredness/aching hips under control.

It's early days, so I can't say what it will have done to my mood or period pain though - but might be worth a try since you haven't mentioned it yet?

MonsterMunchforbreakfast · 19/01/2026 09:32

Moosefish81 · 18/01/2026 18:01

I really feel for you OP. I’ve also suffered with heavy, painful periods for a lot of my life. I was advised to have an ablation by my gynaecologist. Like you, the bleeding practically stopped but the pain became much worse. Fast forward a year and my gynaecologist found endometrial cysts. She removed these and that’s when she diagnosed me with endometriosis. Her advice was to try managing the pain or have a hysterectomy. At this point I started to do my own research and realised what a terrible job she’d done. It is well known that adenomyosis (which I suspected I had) is made more painful by ablation. I joined a facebook group called Nancy’s Nook and from here found UK based surgeons skilled in diagnosing endometriosis and adenomyosis and surgical management using excision, never ablation. I saw one of the specialists from the list and I was diagnosed with adenomyosis and stage 4 endometriosis which was in bowel. Last April, I underwent a full hysterectomy (due to the adenomyosis) removal of my ovaries and a bowel resection (I had a specialist colorectal surgeon for this). It was a long surgery and long recovery but I can honestly say it was worth it as I’m now pain free. I was only 43 when I had the surgery but even going through early menopause was worth it. I was lucky enough to have insurance to cover the cost of going privately but there are surgeons on the list you can ask to be referred to through the NHs. If you live anywhere near Surrey, look up CIMIG. I really would advise you to do your research throughly and refuse to be fobbed off. I’m so sorry you’ve been medically gaslit and had your symptoms ignored for so long.

Thank you, I am so sorry you have been through such a similar situation.

I believe when any woman is about to go through a procedure as potentially damaging as a uterine ablation (I didn't realise how many fail until after mine) the very least that a gynae should do is check that their patient absolutely does not have endo or adeno. I asked my gynae so many questions before the procedure and he promised me that failure was rare and laughed at me when I emailed him a a list of 12 separate questions (which at the time where important to me) - he actually turned to his nurse whilst I was sitting there and said 'Oh, this is the lady who asks sooooo many questions haha!'

Since my failed ablation and discovery of the endo/adeno I have joined many support groups for sufferers (including Nany's Nook). Sadly I just can not afford to go privately for surgery. I am in Essex and did see a well respected and recommended endo surgeon at our local private hospital but his fees are too much and I don't have health insurance, I tried to get to see him at my local NHS hospital (which is a BGSE specialist centre) but his waiting list is much longer than the endo gynae that I have been assigned there so I will have to stay on his list sadly (I don't warm to this surgeon but it's the NHS so I have little choice).

Good to hear that your surgery went well. I went on the waiting list last May so mine should be coming up soon but I am under a lot of stress caring for my mum who has dementia and tbh I am not sure I have strength of mind to go through with such a big surgery right now. I will speak to the team when my post op appointment comes up and go from there.

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researchers3 · 19/01/2026 09:34

OttersMayHaveShifted · 17/01/2026 15:54

Wow that sounds shitty, sorry Flowers
Have you tried any supplements? I have a few of your symptoms, but not all and not as bad. I suspect I have endo, but it didn't start giving me symptoms until a few years ago, and I decided to wait and see if menopause got rid of it. I'm 54 and haven't had a period since August, and my symptoms have reduced a lot since then. I also have gut issues due to food intolerances (possibly coeliac).

Anyway... I also tend to be anaemic. I take a Women's 50+ multivitamin with minerals including iron, an Ashwagandha supplement which pretty much cured my anxiety and a probiotic for gut stuff. I hope you find some solutions!

Could you link to your supplement please? Or pm me?

MonsterMunchforbreakfast · 19/01/2026 09:35

Cheeky19863 · 18/01/2026 23:03

I could have written this myself. I also have adenomyosis and very heavy flooding. I have iron infusions and have tried pills, implants, the coil etc. I was offered an ablation but after researching it i found it can cause alot more pain and isnt actually recommended for adenomyosis. I now take TXA every month and what a difference it has made. I still have a regular period but its not heavy and no sudden flooding or passing clots. I wish i had been perscribed them years ago. I do have to take 6 a day for them to work but its made a huge difference

My daughter takes tranexamic acid and it really helps her too, sadly it did nothing for me.
Glad to hear you didn't go for the ablation, I absolutely can not recommend it to anyone especially if they have endo or adeno.

I hope the medication continues to help you, good luck.

OP posts:
MonsterMunchforbreakfast · 19/01/2026 09:47

Disturbia81 · 18/01/2026 23:08

Why are you petrified? Don’t take yourself off the list! Honestly I can’t explain how good and freeing it is not having a uterus, there have been zero negatives

I do worry so much about it, it takes over my thoughts. Maybe if the ablation hadn't gone wrong I wouldn't be convincing myself the hysterectomy will do to. It also doesn't help that I don't warm to my endo specialist, he is very abrupt, talks over me the whole time and is almost to the point of argumentative and what pisses me off the most about him is that he is completely different when I bring DH with me, I almost get the feeling he doesn't like women! I am not the only one to have this opinion of him, I have seen his name mentioned in a few discussions on local FB groups and that puts me off tbh but our local gynae department has a very long waiting list and only 3 endo specialists so I don't have much choice there.

I also worry about going under a GA, last time I felt unwell for over a month, I worry about bleeding, about the op going wrong, about potential infections and sepsis (MIL had sepsis from that hospital and it was hell), about the pain, the recovery and how quickly I can get back to seeing my mum (she is in late stages of Alzheimer's and we don't know how much longer she has left and I want to spend as much time with her as I can).

I know I am putting a lot of stumbling blocks in the way. I have had many many procedures over the years (gynae and gastro) but I am genuinely terrified of this surgery.

OP posts:
MonsterMunchforbreakfast · 19/01/2026 09:49

PloddingAlong21 · 19/01/2026 05:53

OP horrific and I could write the same (nearly) story. 38 and such have flooding and ferritin at 10. GP was useless and kept saying it was in the normal range! I went private and they absoloutely not. Various tests. Adenomyosis confirmed. Options: coil first to stem bleeding and infusion.

Failing that ablation OR partial hysterectomy.

I went down the coil and infusion road. Ferreting now 328 and that helped the other symptoms (itching, hair loss and tiredness massively). However random bleeding continued for a year, just not flooding. Could have 2/3 ‘periods’ a month. Eventually settled for 6 months. All was good. Then pain and random bleeding. They confirmed I then had developed endomytermosis too. This is on top of the PCOS I’ve had since I was 16, I also had assisted fertility so have 1 son.

I read up on hysterectomy and HRT Vs ablation and would go down Hysterectomy route if pushed. It’s all settled for now.

watching with interest to see others advice! My gynae was male and he was excellent!! I asked him why he went into that profession. He said his mother suffered horrifically with her own female health and he doesn’t believe women’s health is on an equal footing and wants to contribute to changing that. What a great reason to ‘do’ a specific profession.

I am sorry you have been through similar issues. I hope that you are able to manage well into peri with the strategies you have in place. Your gynae sounds lovely.

OP posts:
MonsterMunchforbreakfast · 19/01/2026 09:53

goldenlockets · 19/01/2026 08:25

My advice is to go for a hysterectomy.
They do them keyhole now or vaginally and the recovery time is very fast.
Friend of mine was in hospital for 1 day only (she had endometrial cancer.)

Once that is done you can then decide if HRT might work depending on how bad your endo is.

If you can afford it, see someone privately and pay for the surgery even if that means using a credit card. Then you can choose your surgeon, choose the hospital and be in control of it all.

Sadly I just can not afford a private hysterectomy, I have already enquired, I need the hysterectomy and excision surgery combined and as there may be a chance there are deposits on the bowel there may be the need for a colorectal surgeon on hand too. Privately I have been quoted £15k - I am on carers allowance so it is out of the question. I have no choice but to go NHS.

OP posts:
MonsterMunchforbreakfast · 19/01/2026 10:01

GiantTeddyIsTired · 19/01/2026 09:28

I just had ablation (partial - apparently my womb was oversized - probably due to the excessive bleeding), and a Mirena put in at the same time. The doc reckoned that the two together should do the trick to sort my periods which had become ridiculous over the past 3 years (I'd got to the point of just wearing incontinence pants, after years of incontinence pads rather than try to use normal period products which just didn't cut it, and realised that 3-4 days of bleeding so heavy I was basically in nappies needed something done about it!)

My doc said that the advantage of the Mirena vs. the pill was that because it was in there, it was directly applied, rather than circling your whole system like from the pill, so it tended to work with fewer side effects, plus it was basically half of HRT should I decide I needed that in the future.

I get the achy issue - I was lucky - lots of iron tablets, and staying away from un-treated dairy (milk in tea OK, cream on strawberries and I feel awful) seems to have got my tiredness/aching hips under control.

It's early days, so I can't say what it will have done to my mood or period pain though - but might be worth a try since you haven't mentioned it yet?

I had tried the mirena in the past but it exacerbated my aura migraines to the point that I was suffering from them all the time., it had to come out.

Just a word of warning though, my ablation has caused the scar tissue to build up so it has now shut the opening of my uterus (cervial stenosis). It took about 6 months post surgery for this to happen but if I had had a mirena placed at the time (which they suggested) they wouldn't be able to remove it now. Make sure you have this checked regularly.

OP posts:
JillMW · 19/01/2026 10:01

Sending you love. Hang in

GiantTeddyIsTired · 19/01/2026 10:53

MonsterMunchforbreakfast · 19/01/2026 10:01

I had tried the mirena in the past but it exacerbated my aura migraines to the point that I was suffering from them all the time., it had to come out.

Just a word of warning though, my ablation has caused the scar tissue to build up so it has now shut the opening of my uterus (cervial stenosis). It took about 6 months post surgery for this to happen but if I had had a mirena placed at the time (which they suggested) they wouldn't be able to remove it now. Make sure you have this checked regularly.

Woah, OK, thanks for the warning, and ugh - you really have tried basically everything available..

All I have left is the gut stuff - periods aside I went from thinking I was just getting old, and it was normal for me to need a few minutes to warm up to moving in the morning to be able to stand upright, to feeling completely normal again, and I put that down to massively reducing my dairy intake (which had started to go straight through me as well) and to a lesser extent my wheat intake (which still gives me major wind). I went from glasses of milk and pasta at least twice a week to wheat being a rare meal, and not eating any un-heated dairy at all, and I'm much better. I can now tolerate a glass of milk, but I'm not in the habit of drinking it any more, and I find it makes me sleepy!

MonsterMunchforbreakfast · 19/01/2026 11:32

GiantTeddyIsTired · 19/01/2026 10:53

Woah, OK, thanks for the warning, and ugh - you really have tried basically everything available..

All I have left is the gut stuff - periods aside I went from thinking I was just getting old, and it was normal for me to need a few minutes to warm up to moving in the morning to be able to stand upright, to feeling completely normal again, and I put that down to massively reducing my dairy intake (which had started to go straight through me as well) and to a lesser extent my wheat intake (which still gives me major wind). I went from glasses of milk and pasta at least twice a week to wheat being a rare meal, and not eating any un-heated dairy at all, and I'm much better. I can now tolerate a glass of milk, but I'm not in the habit of drinking it any more, and I find it makes me sleepy!

I was the same with dairy too, haven't touched it for 20 years now. Why is it always the foods which are the tastiest which are the worst offenders for gut issues? Why is it never lettuce or spinach lol!

OP posts:
GiantTeddyIsTired · 19/01/2026 11:54

Roll on menopause - I'm so sorry Monster - looks like it's your best bet.

Blendedmumof4 · 19/01/2026 20:36

Sending hugs of support...I also have super heavy floods and ferritin levels through the floor despite supplementing for the last (feels like 8 years?) I have just resigned myself to the fact that my period is practically unmanageable and I look forward to reading all the posts to see if there are any other suggestions. We do need sympathy because being a woman is sh** once a month. Much love OP xxx

TheBlueKoala · 19/01/2026 20:40

MonsterMunchforbreakfast · 17/01/2026 17:57

That's give me hope. I'm due to have a hysterectomy this year and I am absolutely petrified, so much so that in considering asking to be removed off the waiting list.

By having it out you will be in menopause which might relieve you- I do hope so

MonsterMunchforbreakfast · 19/01/2026 21:52

Blendedmumof4 · 19/01/2026 20:36

Sending hugs of support...I also have super heavy floods and ferritin levels through the floor despite supplementing for the last (feels like 8 years?) I have just resigned myself to the fact that my period is practically unmanageable and I look forward to reading all the posts to see if there are any other suggestions. We do need sympathy because being a woman is sh** once a month. Much love OP xxx

Thank you. I’m sorry you have similar issues. I supplemented for years but could never get my levels raised, only infusions did that. Has you ever been offered an infusion? It’s dreadful to think how many women are left super anaemic or iron deficient yet little is done about it. I really hope you manage to find something which helps ❤

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