Had anyone got 1 child and ...

[TinselTina]

Are at peace with this ? Like its not something you overthink ? I have 1 child and all I see on Instagram is one and done mums justifying themselves. Its given me guilt !

I mean I think this is a figment of following mum influencers on instagram. I don’t know anyone in real life who ever says anything about how many children they want and how many they have, with the exception of a few friends who have gone through fertility issues.

I have one DD, my EXH then had an affair which broke up the family when she was 2, so thats me done. I'm quite happy with just her but there wasn't another option, maybe would feel different if there had been

I have one. It took a lot to have her, nearly killed both of us at her birth, and when I talked to my GP about having another I was told in no uncertain terms that it was a bad idea.

We wanted at least 2 so it took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that we would only have one. Don’t get me wrong, we love them dearly, but minds are strange things.

Once I had come to terms with it, it allowed us to give them more than we might have had there been siblings but there was still that bit of guilt around them always being an ‘only’, whether on holidays or in the house.

Everyone is different. Only you know why you have an ‘only’ or if you want more - but don’t let guilt make a decision for you.

I only had one and was never bothered about it but I’m not on instagram and don’t really care what other people say/do. DS is grown up now but when he was younger we took him on some fabulous holidays and spent lots of 121 time with him which wouldn’t have been possible with more children.

I don't explain or justify why I just have one. I think for a year or so I was asked when no. 2 would be coming but I just said there won't and stopped the talk.

It's nobody's business. My best friend knows the reason but that's for me to tell not because someone asked.

Just stay away from SM and influencers.

It took me some time but I would say I’m at peace with it now (ds is 10; I had one miscarriage after him and we ttc for several more years before drawing a line under the idea).

Yep I’m at peace with it, decided to stick with 1. Things are nice and pretty easy with 1.

I love being a mum to one. That is all I will ever be and 100% at peace with that. I think it’s becoming more common

I’m one and done and at peace with it, as it was our choice.

The reason you see one and done families being defensive is because so many people constantly comment on it and seem to want us to regret our choices. Not as much in real life, but definitely online. Even those who are “nice” or “just curious” often want to hear the justifications or ask if we think we’ll regret our choices, not giving the child a sibling etc.

The Victorian demand that we go out and colonize the world still runs deep! I reject it. We have one child, we can both afford and manage the size of our family. We built capacity into our lives so when we have illness or trouble we can still manage in a way that our friends with three or more really do not. We all need a village sometimes but our breaking point is not so near the surface.

I have one child by choice and am happy with the decision (never felt broody again after having her). I think people who are happy with their lives/choices are less likely to post about it on internet forums!

Yes, I only ever wanted 1 child and it means we can spend time and money on him and enjoy our closeness.

I don’t bother with social media generally as it’s so fake so I wouldn’t care what other people are saying/doing. It’s irrelevant to me. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I had 1, never wanted another and 34 years later I still have no regrets.

The reason you see one and done families being defensive is because so many people constantly comment on it and seem to want us to regret our choices. Not as much in real life, but definitely online. Even those who are “nice” or “just curious” often want to hear the justifications or ask if we think we’ll regret our choices, not giving the child a sibling etc.

Also this. It’s very easy to get defensive and snippy when you are frequently being told there is something wrong with how you live your life. Mumsnet is particularly bad for this - so many people seem to view being an only child as a hideous, pitiable fate.

I've been fine with it since my daughter was a few days old. The relief in knowing I never have to do any of it again is very freeing and makes me appreciate it more. I don't feel guilty, but neither do I feel like I need to extensively justify our decision. I find it odd that two kids is so default that anything other than that requires justification. I know many parents who had a 2nd without really thinking and now seem to complain a lot.

One here! At first it wasn’t ’by choice’ it was because I couldn’t be arsed to go through IVF again. Now, I couldn’t be given IVF for free! I am so glad we stuck to one! The things we can pore into him, time, attention, financially, materially, are all coming to fruition. He isn’t lonely, he isn’t selfish or insular and he has many many friends. I am grateful for our decision.

Loads of young people aren’t even having dc & 1 dc is really not unusual these days.

Remember people on social media have to create content so it’s all a load of BS.

Lots of posters on this thread have only had one for specific reasons, such health issues or divorce. But there are loads of women who have one child through choice. I was one of them and I have zero regrets. It obviously makes life a darn sight easier. There's more money to go round, finding childcare/babysitting is much easier, school runs are easier. Most importantly there's more quality time to spend with that child and the parents are less stressed. The list could go on and on.

Why do you have guilt about your child being an only ?

Why do you think they see being an only child as a hideous, pitiable fate?

I felt a bit of social pressure to have a child in the 1st place tbh. I dont think its uncommon

No, literally every parent of one child is chewing their fingernails and having sleepless nights and making social media posts justifying their Terribly Unconventional Decision.

OP, I think you should do a bit of research on how social media algorithms work.

It never occurred to me to have more than one child, before or after I had him.

Why do you think they see being an only child as a hideous, pitiable fate?

Outdated assumptions about loneliness/selfishness. Most of the stereotypes about only children are based on ‘research’ from the Victorian era.

Just one here. Always knew I only wanted one and have zero intention to go through the early years again! Son is 7 now and we have a lovely relationship. I can give him everything financially and emotionally. He’s never once asked for a sibling. He has lots of cousins and friends and is a happy boy.

Why are you comparing your life with anyone else's ? Many people are happy with zero children, 1,2,3,4 or 15. It has no bearing on you or your wants or needs