Would it be rude to leave a “celebration of life” event early?

[Imamumgetmeoutofhere]

Just that really. There is one being held today that I’ve been “invited” to (seems weird to say that as someone has died but I don’t know how else to phrase it).

Ive known the person it is for for around 10 years, saw them once a week most weeks in that time. But didnt see them outside of those times.

I don’t had any annual leave to attend but my work have said I can start my lunch hour early. However, it’s a 15 min walk each way from my work to the event (not drivable). So I would only be able to attend for half an hour and leave. I would sit at the back to make this possible.

I don’t know how long these kind of things last but I’m pretty sure it would be longer than half an hour.

My question is, is it rude to go and have to leave early, possible disturbing everyone there, including the family and therefor better not to go or would leaving early to get back to work be seen as reasonable?

The service is being streamed online via YouTube so could watch it that way later in the evening.

Thank you

I think it's a bit pointless to go for half an hour tbh

The crematorium near me that does celebration of life/ funerals you enter from the back and exit at the front.

I don’t know if you could exit out the back quietly during the event.

so layout of the venue is a consideration.

or asking boss if you can cut lunch short one day next week to make up any hours you missed?

it’ll be 30 minutes max I would think as most services are only about 30
/40 minutes anyway.

I also think its a bit pointless to go for half an hour. If you really want to go can you offer to take TOIL, swap shifts or make an argument for compassionate leave?

I’d be late back to the office and such up the very likely minimal consequences

Honestly with these things people tend to drift out when it suits. Some just go for the service if you only have half an hour this is unlikely to give you time without stressing about getting back, it’s quite ok to just turn up afterwards for a quick drink it will be appreciated or send a condolence card and apologise that you are unable to get away from work.

When it was my mums funersl we had a requiem mass ,as she was a Catholic, than we went the crematorium than went to a venue for a buffet and drinks, some people just came to the church some just came to the church and the crematorium, some cameto the church and skipped the crematorium and went straight to the venue and some csme to all of it .

I wouldn't go at all for such a short time. You'll barely be there. Just politely decline. And there's nothing weird about calling it an invitation.

I have never known anyone to 'drift out'. I think you would be either better not going or let the family know you have to get back to work.

I probably wouldn"t go for half an hour it might be to awkward trying to get out or get a taxi there and back so it will give you more time.

Is it a celebration of life, wake or a funeral?

I wouldn't go for half an hour as it will be disruptive and, as a pp said, if it's a crem, you often enter via the back and exit via a side door.

Look for alternatives. Can you take a longer lunch and make the time up later? Have a reduced lunch once or twice in the week and carry over the time to the service day?

The whole idea of streaming a service is for the benefit of people who can't make the service for one reason or another, so I'm sure the NOK will understand that not everyone can make it.

I seem to be against the grain, yes I would go. I think I would try to go for an hour though, could you start work early or something?

TBH a bout of depression for me was worsened by going to a funeral and trying to go straight back to work afterwards, but it was a horrible early death and I’d had a run of funerals.

The crematorium near me that does celebration of life/ funerals you enter from the back and exit at the front

Ours too. The next family are gathering outside the back door.
But I'm sure if you spoke to the funeral director they will sort you out.

I'd probably just watch it later tbh. Unless it's a small funeral with hardly any people and people will notice and feel hurt if you haven't shown up.

But then if it's a small funeral everyone will notice you leaving early.

So on balance, send your apologies and a nice letter saying what you appreciated about the person and watch it online

By ‘celebration of life’ event, you mean a funeral, right?

Yes it is rude to leave a funeral early. Extremely rude. I can’t believe anyone would even consider such a thing. Extraordinarily disrespectful to the people grieving their loved one.

You wouldn’t walk out early on a wedding service, so don’t bloody do it at a funeral.

I am also going against the grain. I would go. In times of grief it means so much to the family to see people turning up for their loved one and you will also feel better for it. Speak to the staff before hand to ensure you can get out as PP mentioned there can be a one way flow of traffic in some venues. It’s not an easy decision but this is someone you saw regularly, I would go for sure.

I'd stream the service but make sure I watched it and comment on it to the person who invited you so they knew you'd seen it.

These events are held for the living. It will mean a lot for the living family to see you there even for half an hour and they won’t give a hoot how long you stay. I would appreciate it.

It is rude to leave a funeral before it finishes. If you can't go for the full service don't go.

Go. Speak to the staff and explain you’ll have to nip out.

Different circs but I took a young baby in a sling to a funeral and explained I might have to leave if she started crying. The staff sat me right at the back of the crem and showed me a different smaller side door that I could leave via. I didn’t need it in the end but they will not be fazed by you doing this.

Going to a funeral, even for a short time, is always better than not going.

I agree with Vermin and others and would go. We had one recently when my mum died and we were grateful for people coming and would have no issue with someone leaving early, just glad they made the effort to attend. Far better to go for a shorter time than not show up at all, the family will appreciate the effort, we all have busy lives. Its not ‘disrespectful’ at all.

Can you not revisit this with work? It seems VERY inconsiderate and uncaring of them to not allow you to have a little extra time to attend a close friends funeral!

It would be fine. The family will be pleased you attended and appreciate you making the effort. The close family probably won't notice you leave as they will be sat at the front. Choose your moment to exit, and it will be minimumally disruptive to those around you.

I’d go without thinking twice. Earlier this week, we had the funeral of one of my mum’s siblings, and at all three parts (funeral parlour, church service, crematorium), people sneaked in for a bit to condole without being able to stay long. I know my mum, her sister, and the deceased’s wife and children found it really comforting that so many people made the effort to get there, even briefly.

I agree ,at my mums funeral i was just glad people cared enough to show their respects wether they came for all of it or just part of it.

But if she arrives and sits at the back and leaves early the family could easily mot even know she's there so it doesn't do anything at all.