Would it be rude to leave a “celebration of life” event early?

[Imamumgetmeoutofhere]

Just that really. There is one being held today that I’ve been “invited” to (seems weird to say that as someone has died but I don’t know how else to phrase it).

Ive known the person it is for for around 10 years, saw them once a week most weeks in that time. But didnt see them outside of those times.

I don’t had any annual leave to attend but my work have said I can start my lunch hour early. However, it’s a 15 min walk each way from my work to the event (not drivable). So I would only be able to attend for half an hour and leave. I would sit at the back to make this possible.

I don’t know how long these kind of things last but I’m pretty sure it would be longer than half an hour.

My question is, is it rude to go and have to leave early, possible disturbing everyone there, including the family and therefor better not to go or would leaving early to get back to work be seen as reasonable?

The service is being streamed online via YouTube so could watch it that way later in the evening.

Thank you

Is it a funeral (with the coffin there) or a memorial service? If the latter I think that would be fine, the former might be trickier.

I think though any effort to go would very likely be appreciated by the family - I would send a message in advance saying that you would like to pay your respects, but will only be able to attend for a short while due to prior committments, unless they might find that disruptive.

Wouldn't your work let you take 90 minutes for lunch and make up half an hour at the end of the day or by working through half your lunch on Monday?

Some odd responses here. I think it’s lovely that you want to show up and pay your respects despite not having annual leave and logistics being tricky.
Could you contact the venue and explain the circumstances and ask if they think it will be possible to slip out ? Also they should know exact timings, it may turn out that 30 mins would be enough to attend the main part.

I would go . It will mean a lot to the family . I doubt the service will be more than 30 mins. Just be late back to work by 15
mins if needed. Even half an hour …
no reasonable boss would get stay about this

Those are completely different circumstances. Exiting with a crying baby is considerate. You are trying not to disrupt the service by leaving. Leaving whilst the service is on as you have somewhere else to be is disruptive and rude. Services are often quiet calm affairs. Someone getting up to leave will be very noticeable if the service is ongoing.

I disagree. At my Mum’s recent funeral several people arrived late/left early due to their personal logistics. I was oblivious to them leaving as I was focusing on readings and my children etc. But I knew they had been there, made an effort and that meant a lot to me.

They can stand at the back and sneak out during an appropriate pause. Happens all the time.

@Imamumgetmeoutofhere I believe crematoriums standard service time is 20 minutes. I was asked to pay extra if I wanted more time.

Different crematoriums have different length time slots. At our local one, the time slots are half an hour each, but most people book a double slot. At another crematorium I went to recently, the slots were for 45 minutes.

I have never seen anyone walk out of a funeral service early and your work is very unreasonable for expecting you to do so. The wake is a different matter - it's common for people who have other commitments to come for a quick drink, speak to the grieving family, then leave. And some people only go to the service, not the wake, which is also fine.

I can’t get my head around why it’s considered ruder to make every effort to attend the service and leave discretely at the back, rather than not going at all.
OPs work may be of a nature where it’s simply not possible to get alternative cover if it overruns.

Personally, I would go for the short time, then afterwards message the family and say how grateful you were to be able to celebrate your friend’s life and you are sorry you couldn’t stay for all of it as work could not grant you the time.

I would let the family know that you are unable to get time off work (you have tried) to attend in person, but thank them for the chance to watch the streamed service that evening. Watch it asap and send them a note saying what you liked about it, along with a line or two about your nicest memories of the person.

IMO that is better than disturbing the actual service. It is not your fault that you can't get there.

Funeral services don't normally overrun though - especially at a crematorium. The time slot includes the time taken for everyone to file in and out and for any items left behind (such as orders of service) to be cleared.

Option to save a live view link?

I attended one of these events last week. It took 40 mins so if you can be there for 30 mins that would be most of it. It might be nice for those left behind to see a good turn out. Sit right at the back and you can slip out unnoticed.

You go to funerals for the relatives not the dead. Go, apologise profusely that you can't stay but that you wanted to pay your respects.

I used to volunteer in a church and was often there during funerals.

People did leave early - they normally let the family know beforehand that they wanted to be there but had an unavoidable reason why they couldn't stay, then asked the stewards to show them the best place to sit to leave quietly, and would also check the order of service so they could leave during a song rather than in the middle of a quiet bit.