Daughters dating boys who are brothers

[Stoke33]

My two daughters are dating boys who happen to be brothers. The girls are 19 and 21. My older daughter was with her boyfriend first and then due to being in the same social circle the other daughter got with his brother. They kept it a secret for 6 months. Life alphas become very difficult, the girls argue over the boys and the ethics of being together with brothers and the boys already hate each other. We all were planning on going on holiday together and the older girl and boy are saying they won’t accept their relationship and cause issues every time they are in the same room. They younger brother wouldn’t be my choice for my younger daughter but I don’t want to push her out of family things and do things with just one of the boys. The older brother lives with us. What also doesn’t help is that the boys mother stirs up issues between the boys. We are supposed to be going to Spain together soon but I don’t know what to do. Do I go alone and let them all do their own thing or push for the holiday. We have always been so close.

My DMIL and her sister married 2 brothers and it resulted in many happy holidays and close cousins growing up.

Time for the older ones to get their own place and organise their own holidays.

Completely irrelevant, but my grandmother and two of her siblings married my grandad and two of his siblings.

Tell you oldest daughter to wind her neck in, tell her boyfriend to move out, and tell bith brothers they don’t argue in your house.

Don’t take the boyfriends on holiday.

This may be slightly outing so I'm gonna keep it brief but, my children's dad is my sister's partners brother... 😭 They are married, we are separated. So hilariously my ex is my brother in law and also the father to my children 🫠. It's really not a great idea to do this and I hope for their sake nothing gets complicated !

I agree.

The op can’t seem to stand her older daughter. Thinks she’s pompous and “plays the victim”

Hang on, so your eldest daughter's boyfriend is telling you who you can and can't accept as a boyfriend for your youngest daughter?

Time for your elder daughter and her boyfriend to move out, in my opinion.

I'd go on holiday without any of them.

Don’t you think those two descriptions fit?

We know a couple whose siblings are married to each other and they all seem to get on just fine. I’m not sure I understand the problem with the ‘ethics’ of it - that seems a bit ridiculous. I think you need to tell them to grow up and that they are not entitled to have a say in anybody else’s relationships.

Why don’t you like the younger brother?

This is a bit of a laugh, you dont likeyour eldest daughter who doesnt get on with her sister, nor do you like the younger boyfriend. I wouldnt be holidaying with any of them it would likely be total disaster
Personally I never allowed any of my daughters to to live at home with a boyfriend, no argument - find your own place. They all did just that and all of us ended up happy, although they didnt like it at the time, they now understand why standing on your own 2 feet is important.

There’s not really any ethical problem here, though I can see how it might be awkward for all concerned.

Then you need to sit her down and explain to her that the world doesn’t revolve around her wants and wishes and that this situation presents a smaller lesson than some of the other situations she will find herself in that will humble her in this regard!

The cocklodger needs to go back to his own house. Stop facilitating this nonsense. Stop favouring one daughters boyfriend over the other.

Go on your holiday and leave them behind. 19 and 20 is a bit old to be holidaying with parents, in my opinion. They should be organising their own hols

My grandfather married my grandmother and they had a very happy and long marriage with three children. Later on My grandfather’s younger brother married my grandmother’s younger sister and they too had a long and happy marriage. it did mean there were less cousins in the family but the whole family was very close and supportive.

Is the relationship of your younger daughter perhaps more exciting or fulfilling for want of better words to your eldest daughter and therefore she is jealous. Perhaps she views her own relationship as stale as a result without understanding why and is lashing out. If the Mother is stirring then not a lot you can do but you can maybe have words with your eldest. After all, your youngest daughters relationship may well not last. Look at the temperaments of the brothers and see how that affects everything.

He isn't your BIL he was and remains your sister's brother in law.

Thanks everyone for your messages, I’ve laid down the law today and told them all what I think and what I expect. Hopefully I have given them food for thought, I’ve also told them if they don’t like it to leave and get a house of their own. They all work. Let’s see how it goes.

Take the youngest two away and leave the oldest two at home