Daughters dating boys who are brothers

[Stoke33]

My two daughters are dating boys who happen to be brothers. The girls are 19 and 21. My older daughter was with her boyfriend first and then due to being in the same social circle the other daughter got with his brother. They kept it a secret for 6 months. Life alphas become very difficult, the girls argue over the boys and the ethics of being together with brothers and the boys already hate each other. We all were planning on going on holiday together and the older girl and boy are saying they won’t accept their relationship and cause issues every time they are in the same room. They younger brother wouldn’t be my choice for my younger daughter but I don’t want to push her out of family things and do things with just one of the boys. The older brother lives with us. What also doesn’t help is that the boys mother stirs up issues between the boys. We are supposed to be going to Spain together soon but I don’t know what to do. Do I go alone and let them all do their own thing or push for the holiday. We have always been so close.

Go on holiday with your girls and leave their boyfriends out of it. Why is a boyfriend living with you?

They’re not married! Take your own daughters away. The boys aren’t part of your family!

Why is one of the brothers living with you?

Your older daughter sounds extremely pompous and obnoxious. I would be telling her (and her boyfriend) that they have no entitlement at all to comment or have an opinion on who their siblings sees.

Who the fuck do they think gives a shiny shit about whether they “accept” the other relationship - it’s none of their fucking business and they should wind their neck in.

You need to stay well out of it. Just take your daughters on holiday.

He’s loved with us for about two years, he just seemed to stay longer and longer and then never went home. I know what you’re saying, I wish I hadn’t got into this situation.

I could t have put it better myself. You’re absolutely right. I was wondering if I was being unreasonable but you have said my deepest thoughts.

What are the "ethics of being together with brothers?" I can see a lot of logistical challenges (even if everyone generally got along) like it being especially disruptive if one couple split up, but ethics don't really seem to come into it.

If you've already invited all four of them on holiday, I'd make it clear that you expect everyone to be civil to everyone in the group, and anyone who cannot commit to that should bow out now. I would also take extra care to make sure that your younger daughter is OK, because it sounds like your older daughter is bullying her. If both girls live with you and the older brother does too and he's also bullying your younger daughter, I would seriously consider asking him to leave.

It’s mainly my older daughter, she makes it all about her. She always acts the victim.

What a shame! A friend of mine and her sister are married to a pair of brothers.

It certainly made Christmases a lot easier for everyone as both sets of parents/inlaws were always invited to every occasion at whoever house it was being held.

Your older daughter and her cocklodger need to move out for a start!!

That really made me laugh out loud. If nothing else you guys are really making me feel better. Thanks so much x

That’s the way I would see it but for some reason the just won’t accept it. I’m disappointed that this is affecting the whole family dynamic. We get on with the boys parents and family but the two older ones have a right issue with it all. Like you all say they should blinking grow up. The reason I posted was because I thought I may be missing something from their point of view and being unreasonable. You guys have clarified that it’s them with the issue and not me as the parent.

Does the boy who lives with you pay rent? Why don’t they stay at his parents house ever?

Please explain what’s wrong with sisters dating a pair of brothers? My grandmother and her sister married brothers and they got along really well.

They need separating, in fact you all do, you are all adults and have your own like, dislikes and choices. Don’t let petty arguments ruin your family relationships they need to follow their own line, let them go. mine all left home at 18 shacked up with boyfriends, a perfect solution for all of us

If that includes a close family great but don’t try to force it, we never holidayed with parents, these days we limit visits to 2 or 3 days

What an unhappy mess.

Do your daughters work?

You don’t seem to hold your older daughter in high regard at all

We are supposed to be going to Spain together soon

Oh this is going to be…. A bloodbath

Say it out loud to her your daughter and your extra housemate: you have no business dictating anyone else’s personal life and shouldn’t comment at all unless you’re worried there is abuse. That’s a life lesson. If I hear one more word about it you both get a month’s notice to leave and live independently.

make sure you chat to the brothers’ mum before you do this, I bet she’d be on side

I would honestly cancel this holiday and tell your eldest that her behaviour is the reason you’re doing it.

Go on a lovely expensive holiday with your DH with the money you would have spent on them.

this is honestly such a good argument for everyone living outside the family home before the age of 21 - however you make that happen

Your eldest and her boyfriend don’t get to dictate anything! If they cannot be civil, they move out.

Agree with this. No boyfriend should be living with you and only family go on holiday. Save the dramas for outside home life.

Start charging the bf for rent and bills and food and ensuring he takes his turn in cleaning the bathroom etc.

Only invite (& pay if you wish) for your Dads to come on holiday with you. If the bfs wish to come, they need to sort out flights and accommodation etc.

If they’re not going to enhance your holiday, why are you working around them?

Why do they have such a big issue with it? What do they mean by the ethics of it?

Fun fact, if both couples have a child each, they won't be genetically cousins, they'll be genetically siblings. Because they'd have the same four grandparents. On DNA tests they'd come out as siblings.

Sorry, doesn't address anything in the op but I find genetics interesting!