Would you go to a parenting course?

[parentstogether]

Have name changed but regular MNer. I’m a social worker trained in various parenting courses. These are attachment and relationship focused, not supernanny time out type stuff.

I’m interested in normalising the idea that being a parent is hard and that we all need support; that we all struggle at times and all have things to learn. Id like us all to see parenting courses as not just for families who have had cause to come into contact with social work, or meaning someone is failing in some way. I’m thinking about setting up group courses based helping parents improve their relationship with their kids and tune in to what might be going on for them.

Would you consider attending a course like this? What would you consider paying/ expect to pay for an 8 week block? Would you want to make 2hrs space per week for this? Ideally I’d like to have a model where those who can pay, pay, and people who couldn’t, be referred through gps and other services, but I need to secure funding.

Id like to have groups for different ages, sexes, abilities, nationalities etc, if this was needed by the community I’ll work in.

TBH no, I never would have considered it. But then I had reasonably ‘easy’ dcs.

I have been on a course and found it useful. The issue with them is that they are usually during the day and assume people don't work. I was able to work the time back but not everyone is in a job where you can just disappear for 2 hours every week.

I went on one years and years ago when mine were small but I don't remember finding it very good. It seemed to deal very much with how to parent obliging obedient children and not those who would get up at 4am and put the video on however many times you told them to stay in their rooms.

I think if my children had been a little bit less 'feisty' and determined to ignore everything I said it might have been helpful. I know it helped other parents there.

Our school often share free courses for all parents to attend, so I'd probably go through the school rather than pay. So I'd maybe consider offering the services in that way ie approaching LAs or school that may pay for the course for parents.

I wouldn't.

I have 6 dc and there's no one size fits all course. I would have needed 6 separate courses to adjust to parenting according to my kids needs.

You'll find that the people who need courses the most are the people who won't attend anyway.

I'm a degree-qualified childcare professional with a pretty easy child so I don't feel I, personally, need a parenting course however:

Very few people get a puppy and decide to "wing it". Its pretty standard to attend puppy training classes and the benefits of puppy socialisation etc is widely accepted.

So where has this stigma around parenting classes come from?! There are so many threads just on here about why newborns won't sleep etc and questions around things that are very standard.
If people felt they could attend a parenting class without attracting sideways glances, judgement, or stigma, I think more parents would be better prepared for parenthood and a lot happier and confident as a result!

Way back when my dc were babies SureStart Centres were still a lovely and well funded part of life. They had various free courses, I went to one where every week they had a different specialist come and have a chat (so one week a podiatrist to talk about childrens feet, learning to walk, etc, then the next week a dentist to talk about teething, brushing, post pregnancy dental issues etc) . It covered lots of things from health, play and development, weaning, etc and it was amazing. I also signed up to a Parenting Boys class, which i found less useful - but that might have just been the group dynamics.

In that format, no. I couldn't get childcare for two hours a week for 8 weeks.

Maybe if it was something online.

This has been my experience too. The advice doesn't work with my ND DC and was full of the same wealthy SAHMs.

No. I am Asian, and I find most mainstream British parenting completely alien to my culture. I didn't even take parenting advice from MN!
Parenting is indeed very hard, but am not sure "experts" help.

How about offering one to one appointments (via teams) to deal with specific issues?

No, I wouldn’t consider private parenting courses I had to pay for. If I were to do parenting courses, I’d want them run by an official body (not just someone with an adjacent qualification) with some accountability if I felt the course was badly done or useless. The vast majority of training courses I’ve been on in my professional or personal life have been rubbish. Usually either so generic as to be patronising and obvious, or trying so hard to offer something different that they end up being irrelevant or pretentious.

I’d consider full on paid courses created and run by a random individual to be in the same field as predatory “baby sleep consultants” and other grifters who either use nonsense qualifications or are exploiting a genuine qualification that isn’t directly related to what their course sells.

I think this is something that needs normalising from antenatal up. So parenting advice classes on all stages and continuing onto school age. Not just falling off a cliff edge once the child hits end of weaning/ sleep training/ tricky 2 year old phase. In my area there are lots of baby and young toddler classes (all free provided by HV service) for these that a variety of parents and carers from all backgrounds attend. After 2 and half it's very much classes for "struggling" parents and parents involved with SS and "needing a referral" for classes. This creates the stigma.

Unfortunately parenting or advice classes from around 2+ come with the "involved with social services" stigma which it shouldn't do but the needing a referral bit adds the stigma and then only those who are "forced" to go attend. If you can find a way to remove the stigma then it could be successful as lots of parents of school age children would love advice regarding management of behaviour/ screen time ect. Perhaps rebrand as parenting advice or parent discussion forum rather than "parenting class".

I have done so because I have an older DS with autism and parenting him was extremely challenging at times. My reasoning was that even if I learn one thing a session it's a good thing. I used to work in child protection on the legal side of things and tbh it was compulsory for a number of our clients to attend such courses if they wished to keep their children with them, or they wanted them to be returned to them a d I often wondered why they were not made more widely available as I think many people can benefit from such courses.

You are also likely to run up against the 'free" offer. Sadly the days of glorious sure start are over as the remaining centres are so vastly understaffed and underfunded. I would also want to see certificates and accreditation before signing up or you do indeed run the risk of becoming another "grifter" with the "sleep consultants", "independent tongue tie assessors" ect.

I did one when my older kids were small which was run at my oldest's school (they ran a crèche for younger siblings which was very helpful) and it absolutely was super nanny count down from 5 stuff, but I did find some of it helpful. Sometimes I think the best bit is actually meeting other parents and having discussions around what actually works for them, rather than blanket advice.

More recently I've been advised to attend them because it turns out some of my children are ND aka 'we think you're just a shit parent and won't see your child until you've done a parenting course', a course which is not remotely suitable for parents of ND children, in the middle of the day when you work or in the evenings and they assume someone wants to babysit your disabled children. They're often quite inaccessible for lots of parents. Of course dad could stay home and mum goes, because it's always mum who needs the parenting course not dad. Did I mention the misogyny around the courses always being aimed at and pushed on mums...anyway....it's highly unlikely I'd pay for a course unless I knew it would be helpful for specific issues I might face and imo using the term 'parenting course' would not help you as I think this term definitely has 'bad parent' connotations attached to it these days, especially for parents of SEND children. My advice would be call it what its relating too 'building safe relationships' 'how to handle conflict at home with teens' etc.

I have ND child and when you ask for assesment from Cahms the first step in our area is to be sent on a parent course and assessmwnt rejected. I have been on many such courses. The problem with such course is the huge variation of parents and the ones who are willing to pay will be the engaged middle class parents who will be strugglung with parenting - they will have read books about parenting and have decent social skills and emotional awareness so you’re going to have to be providing some thing which is well above the average parenting advice to bring some thing new that they don’t already know and haven’t already tried.

I've done 2 that were specialised, so one for parenting autistic children and another for very anxious children. I think you'll have more luck if you cater to a specific niche rather than a general parenting class.

Unfortunately both of the classes I did were ruined by other parents trauma dumping or recounting their entire life stories in minute detail every session. I'm not mean, I really feel for them and some of the stories were harrowing, but I was there to learn not hear other people's problems.

There are some excellent free course run via the council in our area of London.

I'm not sure if they reach the people they are intended to reach but they are viewed as positive, constructive not remedial. Also an opportunity to make parent friends. Usually on parental leave.
I think locally the people who live in closer communities/with more family close by tend not to attend so many of the council sessions including the stay &play.

It’s very much like the speed awareness course. Nobody ever wants to go on it but they are incredibly useful and they do change your perspective and they make you try to do better at least for a few months afterwards.
I do think these courses would be a lot more beneficial to people than podcasts and audiobooks that people spend a fortune on

I’m a teacher and ended up being dumped on two inappropriate parenting courses when I asked for help with my SEN child. They were both patronising and useless.

If someone makes a course that actually helps with parenting an SEN child instead of indiscriminately dumping intelligent, good parents in the same room as mums (and there’s never any dads on these courses which speaks volumes about the misogyny of the social care system that mums are always held to higher standards than dads) who chain smoke and can’t spell their own names, maybe you would be onto a winner. But I don’t have the same difficulties to face as Keelee-Jayde. We have long known about differentiation and suitability of courses to students in education, and yet SWs waltz in with no idea about teaching or learning design or establishing what the mum already knows/has tried, and of course badly-delivered, thrown-together one-size-fits-Keelee-Jayde courses have a bad rep.

But generally, the problem is the social workers and even some paediatricians just think all child issues, even SEN, are bad parenting and that all parenting courses are suitable for all parents and that any problem a mother has can be solved with any random useless course. And that if it’s unhelpful it’s a failing in the mother not the course.

And that if the mother doesn’t magically transform into a great parent her family is escalated in the system and she’s accused of being a bad mother. Doing those courses is like being forced to participate in the victim-blaming education system of the 1950s where anyone with a degree could teach and it was the students fault if they didn’t learn anything. You couldn’t pay me to take another one.

I used to deliver courses to parents 20 years ago. I worked for an LA and parents were recruited through schools. We had a good uptake and it was face to face with childcare provided and tea/ coffee cake. It was lovely with some great outcomes.

my current team (neurodevelopmental services) offer training/ parenting courses once dc get a diagnosis. Most parents say that they find at least one aspect their dc behaviour difficult to manage, however they rarely take up the offer. They don’t want to travel for face to face (we do regular surveys) and when they take up virtual they don’t take it seriously. Don’t show, often late, dc there so can’t focus etc. these are free courses offered through the nhs.

op I think when you charge people they buy in more and it’s usually the ones who want to do it. If you are trying to get funding through LA’s, GP’s or social care then it’s probably going to be the ones who are being directed to/ advised (children close to or on CIN/CP).

No I wouldn't. Plenty of free material around. Primary school had an offer for all parents.

Yes the lack of cultural awareness or patronising lip service (where are YOU from? What does your name mean in YOUR culture) is another factor that irritates me with these courses.

No, but I’m probably very lucky as have so far had an easy parenting ride!

I think it’s difficult as every child is different. For those comparing it to puppy training, you wouldn’t go to puppy training without your puppy (and they’re arguable a lot easier to train than children!), so parenting advice should be in the context of the family and what works with the set up you have. I don’t think a group session without children would be that beneficial.