Would you go to a parenting course?

[parentstogether]

Have name changed but regular MNer. I’m a social worker trained in various parenting courses. These are attachment and relationship focused, not supernanny time out type stuff.

I’m interested in normalising the idea that being a parent is hard and that we all need support; that we all struggle at times and all have things to learn. Id like us all to see parenting courses as not just for families who have had cause to come into contact with social work, or meaning someone is failing in some way. I’m thinking about setting up group courses based helping parents improve their relationship with their kids and tune in to what might be going on for them.

Would you consider attending a course like this? What would you consider paying/ expect to pay for an 8 week block? Would you want to make 2hrs space per week for this? Ideally I’d like to have a model where those who can pay, pay, and people who couldn’t, be referred through gps and other services, but I need to secure funding.

Id like to have groups for different ages, sexes, abilities, nationalities etc, if this was needed by the community I’ll work in.

I would do an autism and anxiety course because this meets my child’s needs but only if it was neuroaffirming.

I did surestart classes - that I could either take kids along to or had creshes for as I had no childcare avaliable wasn't only mother in that place.

I did a few short one when youngest started preschool if they fitted round her hours - funding was cut and they were all gone but time she started school. Even if parents aren't working then may still not have option of attending as likely have other demand on them.

There were any spealist ND one which may have been useful but by time kids were at school knew a lot of standard parenting advice wasn't helpful for them.

Also cost - our income was fine on paper but spare money was already going towards additional support for our kids - so more than a nomincal fee with less than clear aims I'd have ignored.

The HV in area I had first ran new parents classes - free and well attended did common baby issues and drop in clinic in a local hall - expect funding cuts put paid to them.

I have done various linked to the disabilities of my child. Some good, some bloody awful.

Also did one when my eldest were toddlers. It was just in our little community done by 4 retired people (GP , paediatric nurse social worker and a teacher) and it was brilliant. There was only 3 other people on the course (free cuppas and cake and no charge for the course - theyd got funding from somewhere) and we are all still friends. We found the peer support really great.

Could you work with local schools? Ours runs a free course on a different themes each half term, straight after school ends, with kids being supervised in a classroom while their parents attend. That timing works well for many. Parents try to attend the themes that suit them most.

I did! It was a course on autism and parenting and autistic child. It sounds like it was similar to what you're thinking, some paid some didn't. I think it was about £30 for a 6 week online/ teams course.

I felt this particular course was a little basic for what I was hoping for however it was helpful and I would recommend doing something like it for anyone who was interested.

I'd definitely do one about attachment etc. I've had 3 children but I'm very open to learning and improving so wouldn't write it off just because I'm not a first time parent.

I’d need much more detail around what measurable outcomes “attachment and relationship” courses were aiming to deliver to me before I was willing to attend, let alone pay for it.
We did NCT (keeping newborn alive, when to panic), safe weaning (how to avoid choking) and baby first aid (what to do if they start choking), all targeted information with defined, measurable learner outcomes.
What would be the defined, measurable outcomes of the courses you want to run @parentstogether?

I did. They were great. There were free seats (paid by social services) so it was a good mix of people. Mixture of lecture and small groups (in breakout rooms so people could talk freely) with trained professionals. The person who ran them also did family counselling so could suggest one-to-one for complex families.

Changed my life, honestly. DD has ADHD and I was floundering. She’s a teenager now and great. I should tell the instructor!

The big thing that parents need to get trained on is tech ... social media/phones/computers and how to control what children are seeing on-line and for how long ... its an absolute minefield.

I’ve done quite a lot but free. I was struggling with parenting my two older children and was referred to a couple which I found really helpful.
I also did one specifically for ND young people when DS1 was diagnosed, through Barnardos.
I’ve been able to access some through work on the Teenage Brain and conflict resolution within the family.

I did Incredible Years Babies and IY Toddlers with DC1 at the local children's centre. They were free of charge but I'd be open to paying for a weekend course for DC2 so DH could attend too.

For the babies course they stayed with us but for the Toddlers course there was a free creche during the sessions. Would you offer a creche? It would be very hard for us to have focused with toddlers in the room!

Frankly no.

I am white British but I really agree with @Holluschickie . Many of the assumptions in your post OP are alien to me, like the idea that we need to have a theoretical understanding of attachment in order to be a good parent. It sounds like a bat-signal for a kind of parenting style I don't agree with.

My mum is a great parent and I live by her rules of loving your kids but setting boundaries, giving them clear responsibilities and independence, lots of fresh air, sleep, physical exercise, homemade food, and books. My mum raised 4 happy kids this way. My children are not without their challenges but I am following much the same route.

I think people massively overcomplicate parenting tbh.

Note, this does NOT apply to children who are ND or have SEND or trauma. My sister is an adoptive mum and that's a different ballgame. But I honestly find it ridiculous to use strategies originally aimed at seriously damaged children for privileged NT kids.

Wow! I didn’t expect so many replies - so helpful, thank you all. Just rushing out to kids clubs but will come back and reply properly in a couple of hours.

I’ve gone to a few and they’ve helped but have never had to pay god one (run by school/ local centres). I think this will be your biggest issue but even saying that some people pay for things because they see it as higher quality for example

Nope, not a chance.

I did a general parenting course and then did some autism specific ones. I found them useful but they were free. My dh also did a course specifically for dads of autistic children.

I think it would have to be practical and clear what was going to be gained from it.

To consider it I would want a lot of detail about what the ethos was. The more transparency the better.

Maybe, if they were particularly well focused and targeted. I have one ND child and positive tailored parenting strategies are things I have had to research and work hard on, compared to my NT child.

I did go to a weaning course at my local children’s’ centre with my first and it was rubbish - a whole lot of middle class parents in the room, with the leader basically playing us a NCT video and narrating it to a very basic and obviously degree “here is a mum feeding her baby some cucumber, which he is sucking”, then being told to only ever feed discrete chunks of finger foods to our kids because otherwise they would never learn to chew. It was clearly the “antidote” to exclusive purées and pouches, but it was extreme and stupid. I wanted my kids to eat a version of what I ate, not to just eat tiny little batons of finger food all the time. Weirdly, having lived in France, I know that the French still do purées to a degree alongside finger foods or blend or cut up what they eat to a gradually lessening degree and have kids who are generally better eaters and miraculously have learned to chew. It was a really weird session given by two health visitors that were reading a scripted simplified public health message designed for those who would feed their kids only pouches, none of whom were in the room.

@JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff Parenting courses or helpbooks aren't new.

My MIL told me that they raised DH with the help of Dr. Spock, a US paediatrian who worte a hugely popular baby book.
That was in the late Sixities.

I’d like to do a relevant parenting course but my only availability is Fridays during term time between 9am and 3pm, and every other weekend. I’m a single parent and the rest of the time I’m either working or parenting, my kids go to bed too late for me to do an online course in the evenings.

Yes obviously. But Dr Spock, Miriam Stoppard etc generally tend to direct practical advice on developmental stages and plus, they were hardly ubiquitous. None of my dad's working class family would have used them.

... I don't know if you have ever read Benjamin Spock yourself but it's very warm, direct, non-ideological. It does not want you to subscribe to a school of thought like "gentle parenting". It doesn't assume a deficit model, basically.

I'm a single mum to two DC, who both have SEN. I definitely struggle at times, so would probably be your target demographic and benifit from attending. However, because I'm a single mum to two DC with SEN, there is no way I can spare 2 hours a week, and no one who could look after DC (cannot access normal childcare)

I’m so grateful for all your feedback. Agree completely with the comments about the phrase ‘parenting course’ carrying stigma, and the idea of seeking help with our kids in general being potentially stigmatised. Do people have thoughts on how to frame it in better terms?

I thought I’d post a video explaining the philosophy behind one of the models I’m trained in, to give a bit of context to what kind of thing I’d offer. I agree with you @JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOffthat we don’t need a theoretical understanding of attachment and I think that sometimes knowledge of it leads to armchair psychologising that doesn’t help anyone. What I like about this course (circle of security) is that it is a reminder of what makes children feel secure - what attachment theory is all about, but is not talking in those terms. I know personally, I (and my kids) always benefit from prompts to reflect on how I am responding to them. If anyone is interested to watch - I’d like to know if this video is attractive to you or not?

Will come back and reply to some more points shortly

Not a parent, but I work in a sector that means I have had a lot of the types of training you are talking about. In my experience, by the time people are pregnant/parents, they have already decided the type of parent they want to be, and what is best for their child.

I have no problem with this in general, but often times this is based on either: their own childhood and the positive aspects of it, or doing the opposite of their own childhood and the negative aspects of it. It is not often based on research into child development and emotional resilience.

I do feel that as part of health education in schools, all children and young people should be taught the basics of child development, emotional resilience, regulation, etc. Think 'Solihull or ACES for dummies'. Entering adulthood with a proper understanding of how your early development and emotional needs have impacted the person you have become is the best basis for supporting the next generation. (But also more intensive courses for struggling parents)

A few people have mentioned surestart and this is my dream really - with a few friends open an old school centre like this that can be a hub in a community and offer various things. I’m imagining that if people came in for exercise classes, cooking, health drop ins like you mention - this could lead to those who want to accessing more therapeutic supports. It’s just the funding to get something like this going and making any money.