Tell me about your second (or third!) wedding especially if you married again in 'midlife'

[Perfectnightssleep]

What did you do? What went well and what do you wish you'd done differently?

Did you make any short cuts to save money or splurge on something?

We are having a tiny wedding soon and
I can't decide what to invest in and what to skip eg a professional photographer, flowers on the dining table etc.

We want a lovely day but it's more being married than the wedding and we want to keep it low key, no fuss!

My ideal would be the two of us would have run away and we're pretty close to that with such tiny numbers :)

Second wedding - nice registry office, lunchtime three course meal in a small restaurant (we booked the whole place), and home in time to feed the dog. Costco cake for a wedding cake! Brother in law did the photos. No flowers, no bridesmaids, no best man.
Splurged on engagement ring and wedding rings.
it was lovely, intimate and cost about £3k.
Wouldn’t change it.

That sounds pretty similar!

How did it work out with the photos?! Did you get enough good ones? We have a very good camera but need to appoint a guest to take the pics if we do this!

I’d have scrapped the photographer at ours, the best photos were ones taken by friends. It took time away from spending time with people who’d traveled a long war to be there. Also the whole family photo thing seemed a bit off for a second wedding (DH) to an old spinster with parents who’d passed away.

id have spent more on food and put more money behind the bar. We did do both.

I had a white dress, but high street. Nice rings. Registry office, in a castle.

I was daydreaming about this the other day (no plans to get remarried in the near future but DP and I both agree that it is something that we will do and it is talked about often enough) however my immediate numbers are close to 40, let alone DP’s side!

But… I would quite fancy a registry office, followed by bbq in a local beauty spot. Wines and beers stored in the river to keep cold.Have a few friends who take bbqing very seriously, and also a few budding photographers in my circle so would ask them to chip in.

I love the idea of a wedding being a community affair, rather than two people putting on a day for their guests. And my friends are the type of people who would love to roll up their sleeves. DP doesnt mind as long as he can serve people good food and share some nice wines.

Booked an out of area registry office, went for the day, nice meal in a cafe afterwards and a walk. Told people when we got home. Was perfect!
edit for cost - £250 max

We got married in November. Both 52 and second time for both of us. Had register office ceremony with family only followed by lunch and then a big party in the evening for friends. We had an absolute blast! We hired the function room in a pub for the evening and laid on food and put some money behind the bar, but we didn’t go anywhere with a specific wedding package as that can be a bit of a rip off. We did go for a photographer and I’m so so pleased we did. We paid for 2 hrs and she covered the ceremony and got some lovely pics of the family before and after, and loads of me and new husband around The Lanes in Brighton- we got married at the town hall there. She even managed to make me look amazing!!

4th wedding... Nice registry office.. Silver wedding dress.. Small bouquet.. Dc smart but not wedding clothes.. Chef relative made several dishes in advance to go home to. Weather lovely so sat in our garden with drinks.

I remarried in my mid 40’s. No video as I hate being centre of attention and dh still hasn’t let me forget it! 80ish people in a beautiful garden of a gorgeous hotel, the sun came out and it’s been shining on us ever since. We then had a dinner dance.. to be honest like you I’d have been happy with just the two of us, but I also wanted it to feel like the real deal and no less important than my first wedding.

Don’t worry about what’s expected, you do you!

My first wedding, I was little more than a child 🫠 It was a church wedding and the reception was very low-budget, DIY. We were “in a rush” if you catch my drift 🫣🤰🏻

My second wedding wasn’t extravagant, but money was a lot less of an obstacle so we did all the things we wanted without talking ourselves out of it because of budgeting. It was a civil wedding rather than a church wedding. Ceremony and reception took place in the same room, but with a marquee attached at the back of the building for drinks/nibbles while the main room was set (impressively fast!) for the main reception. We had 60-ish guests for the ceremony and daytime reception, and a further 50-something arrived for the evening do. It was everything both of us wanted and I’d do it all over again!

We had already planned a small wedding for May 2020 then of course came the pandemic. The day was postponed until the end of October that year and we weren’t even sure just four days prior if it would still go ahead.

There were 15 people including us and they all had to wear face masks during the ceremony, thankfully we didn’t. It was in a lovely country estate type venue and for the reception we had to split into three tables to ensure no mingling.

We made sure that everyone had great food, wine and tried to have as much as possible given the restrictions. At the time I felt a bit cheated out of our springtime wedding but with hindsight it was lovely as everyone was delighted to get out and have an excuse to dress up. After four more days of celebrating again with various friends we were locked down again for another month 🤣

Just recently wed for second time.
No bouquet as I'm not a big flower person. I did get a corsage (is that what the women's wrist piece is called?) which was lovely.
No bridal party but had both mum's walk down ahead of me.
Drinks reception before wedding, civil ceremony followed by another drinks reception.
Laid back and less glam vibe which is unheard of for the majority of Caribbean style weddings but worked for us.
Also restricted guest list to those who know us both as a couple and who we'd spoken with in the last six months.
Didn't get stressed over food. Gave folks a meat or vegan option.
Cake done by a mate and same with photography which made it more special.

Made lots more myself (decor wise) and felt comfortable doing so as previously had a wedding and event business.

Day went as we wanted and we didn't feel pressured to do what's considered the norm.

Hope you can have the day you'd like too.

Edited to say my second wedding but DH first which is why we went with a 'proper' wedding especially as his family (approx 20) travelled from Toronto, New York, Jamaica and LA!

First wedding was just out of a levels huge mistake better not be spoken of married the most suitable man.

Second wedding to the man I am still married to beautiful country house affair ceremony and reception in the same place. Wish I had splashed out a little more on my dress but still had a gorgeous one.

@Perfectnightssleep - they weren’t as good as a professional of course but were still lovely. Some posed ones and lots of reportage style, especially at the reception.

Oh yes, I didn’t wear a “wedding” dress either, I wore a lovely wiggle dress.

ooh a castle sounds lovely!

Second wedding, older couple we eloped to Gretna green. Partly due to Covid. Originally we had planned to have our respective children there but with all the uncertainty and rules we went alone. It was perfect and I wouldn't change a thing. No stress, no worrying about dietary requirements or others waiting around. No having to entertain anyone else. We had a beautiful day. Witnesses were provided and we had a photographer. So easy.

Love all your replies thank you!

Especially the mums going down the aisle.

I'm not big on convention with all this so we have various things "of our own" in mind!

I’m planning my third wedding (dh’s second). I’ve just had an enormous thread about it but embarrassingly I keep changing my mind about what to go for. Have a feeling it’s going to end up as some kind of appalling mashup. My thought was not to bother with professional photos or v expensive flowers and to spend a lot on UNDERWEAR. Currently contemplating a high end dress rather than a wedding dress.

Second. Went to New York. You need to register a min of 48hrs before then turn up on the day of your choice and wait.

we used a photographer/witness from outside.

ooh link to your thread please!

We got married last year at short notice at our local Manor House. The cost was far far less than we expected and it was a beautiful day. It was a bank holiday weekend too so an absolute bargain price. A few minutes drive from the house so no travel costs either.

the photographer was a waste of money though. We specified we didn’t want any of those pointless photos of shoes, rings, dress hung up etc. She came in while we were trying to get ready and took all our outfits and accessories to photograph so we were late for our wedding 😑. My dress wasn’t fastened properly and I forgot to put on my jewellery etc in the rush.

We got our cake from M&S for £35 - cannot understand people who pay hundreds for cakes! Our wedding price included a meal for our guests so we didn’t have extra food to pay for.

I had faux flowers made by a florist (she trades on vinted) for 4 of us which were nice but a bit stressful to get sorted. Would do that again though, they were lovely. I bought my dress from Vinted, the kids outfits from Vinted and M&S outlet and the groom’s suit came from the next outlet. I wore the veil from my first wedding to ex-h 15yrs prior and my shoes cost £7.

We had a violinist and he was amazing. Money well spent. I think he was £150-200 ish and played through the ceremony and the meal. I got the invites online and had them personalised - guests thought I’d spent a fortune on them but they were only a few quid.

First wedding was at an embassy in a Middle Eastern country - very low key. When I remarried, we were dirt poor, but the vicar persuaded us a church wedding was do-able. I made my dress from a very cheap remnant of ivory jacquard curtain fabric and some curtain lining material to a fiendishly difficult Vogue pattern (the pattern cost twice as much as the five yards of fabric). My two sons wore black school trousers with bow ties and waistcoats made from the same fabric as my dress, and my bridesmaid teenage daughter wore a little black frock with a shrug made from the same fabric. My niece, also a bridesmaid, wore her black school skirt and a waistcoat like the boys’. The only payment for the ceremony was the fee set by the diocese - the vicar and organist donated their services, and bells were gifted by the congregation. We married just after Easter, so the church was still full of Easter flowers at no cost to us.

My kids ‘gave me away’ and my PhD supervisor did the sermon, and one of my sons and my new husband played a cello & piano duet after we signed the register.

We bought a ream of yellow card and made our own invitations and small boxes with mini-eggs in as table favours. We had about 60 guests.

The vicar and organist did a booze run to Calais and gifted us wine for the reception, but we also had loads of fruit juice. We had a bring and share meal in the church hall - guests were asked to bring food instead of wedding presents - and the evening before I roasted 100 chicken legs. My new Mum-in-law made the cake. On the morning of the wedding, my daughter and I went to the local flower shop and picked up flowers for a small bouquet of lilies and baby’s breath, and we wound some of the latter on to wire to make a garland as a headdress. My eldest son drove me to church in his battered Renault 4 decked out with ribbons. My uncle, a retired press photographer, took photos. We didn’t have an evening do, but set off around 5pm for a weekend honeymoon in Norfolk, and our guests cleared up and donated leftover food to the homeless hostel opposite the church. The whole thing came in under £1000, including the honeymoon. The most expensive single item was my daughter’s little black dress.

Please can I have the link to the invitations supplier?

That all sounds lovely too! Well apart from the photographer!!!

That is the most wonderful sounding wedding I think I've ever heard of!

The waste and extravagance of some seems ridiculous!

@Perfectnightssleep this is the company I used
https://www.siennamai.com/products/blush-gold-floral-wedding-invitation and they have loads of options. I also bought the place cards which are lovely. I think the invitations had a minimum order number of 12 so I ended up with spares. I also ordered free samples first and just paid postage. That was worth it as we didn’t end up going with our original choice.
you send them the info and they create it, then you can ask for changes to be made before agreeing the final design.