Pregnant with number 3 and spiralling... Please share your positive stories of having three kids!!

[ALittleUnsure1]

I've just found out I'm pregnant with baby number three. We have two older children and had been on the fence about number three for a while. My husband wasn't sure but I couldn't get it out of my head, especially as I turned 40. We decided to give it one shot to leave it to fate, knowing with our ages there was a low chance. Of course, I fell pregnant straight away. I'm aware it's a blessing but it also hasn't given us enough time to really explore if this is what we wanted.

We both went into a huge spiral last night after reading negative stories online. My main concern is that we have two healthy, happy children and a calm life. What if this baby has severe disabilities and we can't cope? Or what if my career never recovers from this? Or if something happens to me during labour? Or even just the mundane practicalities of life - we only have a three bed house and a small car. This all didn't seem to matter when I wanted another child but now it's all I can think about.

Please, please share your happy, positive stories about having three children! I need to shake this mindset and focus on the positives. We do want three children but I'm starting to get overwhelmed with the idea that this will ruin our happy, contented lives.

What will your age gaps be? We have 3 (now grown) all close together and it was great. They were a little gang growing up together. Life was very busy (I always worked too) but we went through each phase together and could establish routines which worked for the whole family and plan activities where all 3 kids were involved.

I think it would have been very different if two had been close together and a large gap with the other one as it’s so much harder then to find a rhythm which works for the whole family

I had DC3 the month before I turned 39. We were in a 2 bed flat until he turned 7. It was absolutely fine - space wise. I reminded myself that for most of the world for most of history it would have been almost palatial.
Honestly going from 1 to 2 was much harder than 2 to 3. He just slotted in and he’s been an absolute delight. They are all late-ish teens now and they are lovely together. They’re really different characters but they get on and are just very funny.
Having three is like having a little gang and I think it’s made them all a bit more confident in a strength in numbers type way. I like the busyness of it and the fact that as the youngest goes to uni the eldest will probably be back for a bit.
Career had a blip but it’s fine now and I took a slightly different direction which was good.
It was scary but try not to think too long term and try and enjoy it.

Hi I could have literally written your post! Haha.
Me and DH were on the fence for a good couple of years or so debating whether to go for a 3rd.I was getting to the point where i was 37 heading for 38, kids 4&8 and youngest starting school in Sept, so for me felt it was getting to the point of needing to decide.
In August we had one spontaneous 'throw caution to the wind' night Of unprotected sex....panicked abit after/next day (DH more than me as don't think he had truly thought it through before then wheras i had been weighing up the pros and cons constantly!) After much deliberation took the MAP to give us abit more time to think and didn't want to push DH if he wasn't sure (although took it at the eleventh hour by the time we made a decision!) I then realised I was probably ovulating at the time and 6 weeks later a positive pregnancy test confirmed it hadn't worked!

It was then that the panic and uncertainty set in for me, the cons and 'what if's' felt at the forefront of my mind and it took awhile to get my head around it, wheras DH was shocked but had more of a 'it is what it is and must be fate' attitude.

However the day of the 12 week scan when we saw baby for the first time I felt really happy....I then just knew it was what I wanted, and the worries sort of just slipped away and became alot more insignificant.

I am in no doubt that life will feel chaotic, busy and financially tougher.The two girls we have are quite intense and demanding already, as lovely as they are! We will have to get a bigger car and also are in a smallish 3-bed semi with no option to move in near future, so space will be quite tight and our girls will have to share (although they are very keen to)
We don't have much support network or a big income.

But none of that feels like it matters now.....We will have to make sacrifices we wouldn't have for 1 or 2, but i think the most important thing in life is who you share it with not what you have- we don't have big/close families, so we wanted to build a little gang to hopefully be there for each other going through life. We are all so excited to have another member of the family to love and watch grow up together, our daughters are over the moon, and it's a little boy this time which will be interesting to experience a different gender.

The only thing I am still feeling worried about is the birth and risks around that, but i am trying not to think about that to be honest, and just hope for the best.

Good luck and I hope things work out well for you too :) x

we had all three sharing a bedroom until we finally moved when DC3 was 4.
Then DC 2 and 3 shared for about 3 years.
I honestly think it was great for all of them to share. They certainly learnt to sleep through each others noises!

I also loved the way they were together as late teens. Don’t get me wrong, they all had their moments as teenagers but that’s true whether you have one, two or three kids! But those older teen years were great, they’d outgrown any squabbles and just enjoyed hanging out.

I do think going from 2 to 3 is quite a shift in that the adults are outnumbered - it’s a change in dynamic when there are more tots than grown ups in the home! But I knew as soon as we embarked on a family that my ideal number was 3; we cracked on and had them all within four years and they’ve grown up together. Now as adults they still enjoy hanging out, either all 3 or any combination of 2

@Anon501178 it's funny we were in the same boat! I think I'll feel differently when I have a scan too. The age gap will be 3 years between my older two, and 4 years between the younger ones. My youngest will be just starting Reception. I definitely couldn't manage any smaller age gaps than that!

How is everyone getting pregnant at 40?! I’m here worrying about ‘the cliff’!

edit: forgot to add I’m 35

This really caught me out! There was officially a 5% chance of pregnancy at age 40 so I genuinely thought we'd try for a bit then put it down to fate and be happy with our two, but here I am. I really think it's entirely individual. Some people struggle with fertility at age 25, some people have babies well into their 40s. I guess the average fertility goes down after 39 but it depends on the person.

I read something along the lines of, if you have always been fertile in your younger years you are more likely to conceive at 40 than someone who has never tried to conceive before. If anyone can explain the science a bit better than me, that would be great. That was the gist I got.

We have 3 and I’m pregnant with our 4th, we will have 4 under 4 for a while!. So I can’t comment on future sibling relationships or how it works with teens but I can speak about how it is when they’re little.

When we found out we were having DC3 I also felt the same as you, we lived in a small 3 bed Victorian terraced house and moving isn’t an option as we love it. We converted our attic and have made 2 small bedrooms up there, so everyone has their own room and space if they need it, although I really don’t think that it’s that important, especially when they’re so little. Separate bedrooms is a relatively new concept, my grandad was one of 5 and grew up in a 2 bed house and he loved it!. It has worked well for us that they have their own room though as our house is quite small and we only have the living room and kitchen, but that’s worked in our favour as whenever we’re all downstairs together there’s a closeness and we have dedicated family time. We did also have to get a bigger car as well, but that’s only because of ours being so close in age we couldn’t fit 3 car seats across the back row.

We make sure that all of our DC get 1 on 1 time with both parents weekly, usually walking the dog together or going to the cafe but we have to be really hot on that. I also make sure that at bedtime I have 10 minutes of chatting with our older 2, which I will do when our younger DC are able to talk, which I think will be quite important as they get older and have friendship troubles or school worries. We make sure that our older DC also don’t feel like they’re having to help with our younger one. Of course things like passing a nappy if they need changing is fine, but I’d never want to make our DC feel like they have to watch their little siblings all the time or parent them. It’s something DH and I have to be really conscious about, to make sure that our children all feel valued and their individual interests are acknowledged and they’re not just lumped together as “the kids”.

It is hard work, but it is so so worth it. I’ve never regretted having DC3 and I’m very exited for DC4, they’re a proper little gang and they get on SO well and I hope they continue to do so. Our house is absolutely full to the brim with kids and pets, and I’m sure some people would hate it but there’s so much fun and I feel like they’re getting such a magical childhood. Yes most of our holidays are in the UK, and they might not be able to have as many extracurricular activities as only or 2 child families but I think the relationship that they have now will be worth that. I’m one of 3, and I loved it.