Pregnant with number 3 and spiralling... Please share your positive stories of having three kids!!

[ALittleUnsure1]

I've just found out I'm pregnant with baby number three. We have two older children and had been on the fence about number three for a while. My husband wasn't sure but I couldn't get it out of my head, especially as I turned 40. We decided to give it one shot to leave it to fate, knowing with our ages there was a low chance. Of course, I fell pregnant straight away. I'm aware it's a blessing but it also hasn't given us enough time to really explore if this is what we wanted.

We both went into a huge spiral last night after reading negative stories online. My main concern is that we have two healthy, happy children and a calm life. What if this baby has severe disabilities and we can't cope? Or what if my career never recovers from this? Or if something happens to me during labour? Or even just the mundane practicalities of life - we only have a three bed house and a small car. This all didn't seem to matter when I wanted another child but now it's all I can think about.

Please, please share your happy, positive stories about having three children! I need to shake this mindset and focus on the positives. We do want three children but I'm starting to get overwhelmed with the idea that this will ruin our happy, contented lives.

I feel the same about the second one 😬 so just lurking…

I had my third DC at 39. I cannot imagine life without them. I have no regrets. I didn't enjoy my 3rd pregnancy as I had anxiety about whether they would be healthy and also having a 3rd c-section. The first few years were quite difficult as I just didn't have the same energy as I did with my first two but everything is perfect now I am in my 50s.

Goodluck OP.

I have three and felt exactly like you do when I first saw the positive test for dc3. I’d been sure I wanted a third but suddenly felt overwhelmed and like I’d committed to something beyond my capabilities. I felt awful guilt that I’d shortchanged my older two and wouldn’t be able to give them everything they deserved. It doesn’t help that pregnancy is such a long wait full of hormones!

We are 6 years in now and honestly, it was hard for the first 3 years, COVID really didn’t help. But now it’s great! They can’t do very club they might otherwise do and 1:1 time takes more proactive planning but the house is happy and busy and full of love. And the kids will have an extra sibling to love and support them their whole lives.

I have 5 children 3 are biologically mine.

i remember when I had my 3rd (giving me 5) I was terrified I was 35 so a little younger we lived in a 4 bed and I was self employed working from home it was chaos

it was also amazing having my little girl was the best thing I could have done for my family. She was born with a teenage attitude and has matured into a lovely caring young lady who keeps her siblings in order !

yes it’s hard work, yes being pregnant and having a baby when you’re older is hard. But some how it works out.

the birth was my best, no meds didn’t have time !

I see so many posts on here about worrying about a 3rd child. I don't really get it. I've got three DC and number three does have additional needs but they're an absolute delight and an essential part of our family. I can't imagine life without them.

At any point anything bad or difficult could happen to you, your DH or an existing DC (I've recently been diagnosed with cancer which would have happened regardless of the number of DC I've got ) but that's life. You can't spend your life worrying unnecessarily.

Thank you everyone for your responses. Every time I start to feel calmer it ramps up again and I start freaking out again. I feel quite trapped really as I thought this was what we wanted and now I see no way out of it, as I don't think I could live with the guilt of terminating.

How old are your older 2?
I've been in a similar situation. I had no.3 in my early 40's, we'd been trying a while and were at a -if it doesn't happen this month, that's it- stage. There's a 6 and 8 year gap between ds3 and my older 2.

Our biggest difficulty was accommodating the age gap on trips/holidays etc.
We also have a 3-bedroom house. The younger 2 shared for a while but then we converted the dining room into a bedroom when no2. hit the teenage years.

Obviously it depends on the kids and their personalities, when ds3 was younger the older ones weren't that interested in him, bit now they all dote on him and are every protective of him.

I would also echo everything @SomeMoreSummer wrote

I have 3 DC.
I do think it depends on how much older your older 2 are as to how much of a shock it is going to be!
Mine are all fairly close together in age.
I love having 3. I like the fact that the dynamic changes all the time depending on who is with who.
My youngest has autism, diagnosed at 16, but she is fab and I can't imagine life without her.
I was one of 3 and so was my dh. We both always felt that 2 was a bit too neat and tidy!
It is more expensive, especially things like housing, but we have managed just fine.

I had my 3rd at 39. Like you, very anxious also having a 3rd c section. 6 year difference from my 2nd. He's turning 16 in 2 days and cant say I regret a single thing. He's happy, funny, polite, clever, holds sports facts like no one I know, he does dyslexia and dyspraxia but the school is brilliant with the help needed. And I've noticed the teenage years are much easier with him than the other 2.

Every single time I got pregnant, first, second and third, I had a major freak out even though they were all planned! I had my 3rd at 39 and she has been an absolute delight. We all adore her and she makes us laugh every day. I cannot imagine our family without her. Your new baby is another wonderful new person to bring into the world with all of his or her idiosyncrasies, and I always found it so interesting to see what the third would look like: a real mix of the first two it would seem!

I wouldn't even say it's been that hard; relentless yes, but not in the way I had been led to believe. The house has so much joy and laughter and honestly there is just so much love! We still have 'imagine we had stopped at two' conversations and feel so happy that we went for it! I had a few wobbles when I was breastfeeding and sleep deprived but it was fleeting and for the major part, 99.99% of the time, I have never once regretted it (and would try for another if my husband was game!).

My husband always said that! Two was too symmetrical and he wanted more of a three legged stool!

I love that!!

I should add that DC 3 was born when I was 40, so I was also an older mum

Not necessarily
Adult siblings dont always get on. Many are estranged.

I've always wanted kids and always wanted at least three - and have enjoyed all three we had. Had awful care in thrid labour but depsite that it was all fine and she fitted in.

When we had her had three bed house - I was one of three in three bed hosue shared till 16 - but when she was five we moved and mangaed to get a 4 bed which we never expected.

I did spiral like this oddly with first pg - DH didn't get it at all - despite it being what I'd aways wanted. I think some of that was expectations- we hadn't bought a house yet though had savings for deposit - we had a huge moved at start of pg new city knew no-one - job hunting while pg wasn't fun - being pg wasn't great - MIL got nasty as she would be GM at 50 mostly as she'd had DH young - we were young in uni peer group to have kids - though not in area we grew up and family. There was a lot of negativity projected mostly on me - it was unhelpful.

Best thing I did though knew as soon as pfb was born and that city and young kids happiest I've ever been bar meeting and falling for DH. Few years later had to move again and it was all hard again.

DD2 now 16 and I'm still thankful for her and her siblings and that we didn't listen to all the doom and gloom - though it's been hard at times money wise and with work still best thing we ever did.

I had my 3rd at 40. It's hard work , you are older, you are more stretched . But , oh, it is a joy. My dc soon worked out how to play differently with each other - different age combinations have different dynamics. We needed a new travel system, and later a new car when dc3 moved to a booster seat, but not much else . I do get your anxiety about the baby's health, but , really, that's life. We cannot know what will happen. As it happens, dc3 is the healthiest of my dc.

Thank you for your replies, I really do appreciate it. It's helping to get some perspective

And i turned 40 the year I had my third too!😀

I have 3 and can say that DC3 is the most chilled out of all of my children. There was something missing until they came along. DC3 had to just rub along and ge on with it as we hurtled to and from the various activities that DC1 and DC2 had.

I sometimes feel DC3 missed out on that baby bubble and adoration period as there was less time but please be reassured it will all work out.

3 is noisy, busy and full of adventures, the washing will however make you weep 😁

I had my third at 40 and my fourth at 42. They are all brilliant, and bring so much joy to our lives.

I had IVF to have a third baby at 38, yet still totally freaked out when I got pregnant and I spent the entire pregnancy thinking I'd made a dreadful mistake and feeling awfully guilty. When she was born last year, every fear disappeared and she was immediately as much a part of our family as the other two were. She's still only a few months old, but so far every one of my pregnancy fears has been unfounded. Sending love, and congratulations!

4 here OP, all close in age, and I wouldn’t change it for the world. We lived in a 3 bed semi until our youngest was 3 and it was cramped but manageable.

My career did take a backseat and I only worked pt when dc1,2 and 3 were very little, but I went back to ft work when dc4 was 6 months old.

Dc1 was the biggest adjustment for me!!

I had my third just after I turned 41. Quite a big age gap between 2 and 3 and like you OP I was stressed.

My pregnancy was horrible, terrible reflux and sickness the whole time, however DC3 is an absolute joy and I am so happy we have him.

I wish you the best

I always wanted three, in my head the five of us make a circle whereas if we'd only had two there would be corners. Bonkers I know. What I've enjoyed is seeing how number three was his own person while having bits of his siblings in him at the same time. He completed us.
It meant a bigger car (needed three car seats as I had three under five) and it has cost more to do things like days out and so on, but I wouldn't go back and change things. The three of them get on really well and it's always funny when two gang up on the the other one, and I always know when the eldest is home from uni as he's frequently trying to dump his younger brother on his head! Honestly, ignore the naysayers (especially if they were the middle child) it will be fine. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy 💐

I had a suprise third when nearing 40.
It felt like a crisis when I found out. Genuinely considered termination. I had so much on my plate with work and caring for my disabled elderly mother..

But its been wonderful actually. She's a delight and I can't imagine my life without her. I'm so glad I had her. She just slotted in to the family and made all my worries seem silly.

We really didn’t notice much difference when number three arrived. He just fitted into family life. He’s the most wonderful human being, I couldn’t imagine life without him.