Lighthearted things that give you the rage

[Lelophants]

When youre trying to pull out baby wipes when needing to clean something (often a baby’s bum!) very quickly and either none will come out or an absolutely massive wad of them!

The postie giving us the mail of someone who lives over a mile away (ie cant just drop it next door).

When technology doesnt just work.

I have noticed that these days whenever I (politely) say “excuse me” to people standing in the way or doorways or supermarket aisles, they look completely affronted I’ve said excuse me. A few times I’ve said “Well you are in the way so I didn’t want to just stand about”

100% on your last point. Im leaving Sky Broadband because when my signal went down recently, I had to block my caller ID on my phone because it detected my number and the automatic robot woman said “We can’t see an issue with your broadband right now. Trying turning your router on and off and try again later” before hanging up. It took me literally hours of trying to find a human to talk to and I had to call the Sky business sales team and ask them to transfer me in the end.

Oh shit. This is me. Sorry.

I only ever fasten coats that end at my hips. Any coats that cover my legs I have to wear undone otherwise I feel all constrained and claustrophobic like I'm in a cadaver bag 😅

Bluetooth.

This is for the drivers' benefit, especially around rush hour. There may be loads of cars going in a given direction but not the other. Whoever is in charge of traffic lights thinks it'll be better to make one or two pedestrians wait on the island while x number of cars go past rather than halt all traffic in both directions for however long it takes for those pedestrians to safely cross both roads.

This is her, favourite sofa, best blankie, favourite ball… nodding off to sleep!

People sniffing, especially on public transport.
Anyone who isn't ready to scan or pay in a queue.
People who say 'human' instead of person or their name.
People who post on Instagram like they are Molly Mae, when they have 5 followers.

I get this - why do they look like imposter eggs!

I stopped Charlotte Tilbury emails because they kept addressing me as “hun” 🤮

When you have to download a new fecking parking app and you don't have wifi and barely any 5g. Worst. Stress. Ever.

Made even worse if you get to payment, then find you need to verify the payment on your banking app, only opening the banking app to verify your payment restarts the parking app and loses everything you just put in.

Incredible. She's beautiful. And so glossy!

You're a great mummy 😂

My Mum does this 😂 Because she’s my mum I find it fairly adorable, but it’s so counterproductive. On a canal walk, bicycle coming opposite direction hoves into view and there she starts with “Harold, stay away from the bicycle, Harold, on the left, keep to the left, see the bicycle, Harold, keep out of its way.” Poor Harold who was until this point happily walking on the left hand side of the towpath immediately turns around and starts dithering at hearing “Harold blah de de blah Harold, blah blah” and thus positions himself right in the line of the bicycle.

Hahaha poor Harold! I hope he is called Harold that’s an amazing name for a dog!

He is called Harold 😃

Amazing! If I can ever be bothered getting another dog that’s my number 1 name 😂

Re. Customer service - these days I always choose the phone option related to sales e.g. if I want to arrange to get my car serviced, I choose the ‘sales’ option instead, as this will guarantee I get to speak to an actual person rather than an answering machine

Going food shopping in this weather.

All bundled up in massive coat, hat, scarf. The fecking shopping bag doesn’t stay on your shoulder, keeps slipping down or trapping strand of hair. Wind whipping the hair across my face and sticking to my lip balmed lips! In out and out supermarkets, bus, home - warm, then and freezing and wet, then hot again. AAARGGHHHH.

I think I’m going to do some sort of DIY with velcro on my shoulder and bags!

There's a great Dave Gorman section on Modern Life Is Goodish where he effectively covers this. He sends his (brilliant) reporter out to stop people in the street doing surveys... and the whole survey, right from the very first question, is centred around her asking them for their feedback on their experience in doing the survey!

I was the same... until I studied ecology at uni and learned that a tortoise is, in fact, a type of turtle. 🐢

It's how they breed.

You are joking! Away to research!!!! Then to apologise to everyone I’ve ever given the death stare to over it 🤦🏻‍♀️😂.

Couldn’t give a hoot what you do… you crack on.
Im bloody glad I’m not as joyless as all that though!

I answered the post with my own experience.
We lost our lovely old girl in June and I thought I was dying of grief (sorry if all that that emotion offends you) and I grieved through the summer. It was a horrible time.

In September we found this lovely girl, desperately needing a home, food, & love, she had a dreadful start in life, shut outside, no interaction and nothing of her own.
And yes, of course she should of had “her” stuff!!
She clung to me on the journey home and she can cling to me til her last breath.
I’m at home a lot and I chat away to her all the time.
So what if she has her own toys, blankies & stuff - or do you think she doesn’t need it as I “own” her and she should know her place?

People that constantly sniff! You’re an adult blow your bloody nose!

Another slightly niche tech one: Microsoft Clipchamp has recently changed the process so that, once you finish and export your video, instead of just telling you how many percent complete it is, it gives you a whole load of automatically generated 'encouragement' messages - the exact same ones every single time.

Things like "Hey, you've done an amazing job!", "You've aced it again!" and "This is going to be fantastic!" It would be irritating if an actual person tried to 'motivate' you in this way; but automated praise is no praise at all.

You could literally have just uploaded a single photo of your arse and a still text box saying "Microsoft is a big fat smelly poo-poo head" over it, repeated for two hours, and it would still gush about how you're practically Steven Spielberg all the while that it's rendering it!

People who get annoyed at other people referring to themselves at their pets' Mummy/Mum/etc. Such a pompous thing to get upset about, and I see it about once per page on these threads, it's relentless. Yes, we know it's different from having a real human baby, mate. It's not a legally protected term. Let people use their own words for their own families and get some joy in your life. Or at least find something original to get annoyed about.