How old were your DC when you started doing things just for you?

[HibbityHobbityWho]

Before you e.g. restarted a hobby that took you out of the house in the evenings once or twice a week?

I've never considered re-starting except I just realised there's a club in the city where I work. So, whereas I can't really justify going out for 4.5 hours in the evening I wonder if I could make it work by working late, going direct. Effectively would take 30 mins to get there from the office and the commute from there is the same as the commute from my office. Wouldn't be home until late though (which would seriously piss off DH) as usually everyone is asleep by then. I wouldn't be home until 2215 at the earliest. DD14 would have to come home alone from her club which finishes at 8pm (bus or bike) and DS16 at 945pm. DS would have to sort food for everyone before he goes out at 730. I leave for work at 630.

I don't know if I should throw all my kit or try it out one last time.

I don't know if I'm being selfish to consider it? I started work at the beginning of this year after being a sahm (couldn't get childcare for DS) so that's been a big change for everyone. Not sure if my new found freedom is going to my head?!

Mine are 3 and 6 and I volunteer two evenings a week. At that age surely they can manage themselves mostly? DH will be at home to help with logistics?

So you have a DH and you want one evening a week for your hobby?

what does he do in the evenings ?

Why is DH not involved in anything? Surely he can do bits at home

I’m also confused where DH is and why he can’t sort food etc?

The youngest wasn’t even a year old. They are 9 and 11 now and I’m out of the house 4-5 nights a week. Your children are plenty old enough to look after themselves 2 nights a week

DC stuff has always been my job. He will get himself food in the evenings but he won't prepare food for everyone.

If you have a partner at home, then surely you can start doing things "just for you" once you have stopped breastfeeding? Everyone needs some time to themselves.

????

As is often said, you have a DH problem.

You what?

Omg your kids are nearly adults! I thought you were going to to say 2 and 4 or something! Your husband should be pleased you’re out enjoying yourself, why the hell is he annoyed? The kids can sort their own food at this age! Don’t tell me they refuse?

When they were around 1 I started taking them to the Creche at the gym and going to the gym and cafe myself. When one of them was 9 months I started going back to my hobby which led to me retraining and is now my job.

Things got a lot easier for me when I could leave them alone for a bit & they were capable of getting themselves to some of their extracurriculars. But your DH needs to help too

When ds was a few months old I would go to the gym when dh came home from work. Often went out for dinner with a friend or nights away all through their childhood. DH always happy and able to deal with dc, it would never have crossed my mind not to do things for me. As dc got older and had clubs etc we coordinated so that we knew their was someone to take and pick up. I find it sad you have teenagers and still are not doing things for you.

That’s shocking!
Do your kids follow Dad’s example and do f all? They are old enough to cook you know.. . And do laundry and cleaning…

I never stopped ‘doing things for myself’ because my child had another functional parent to look after him. It’s disgraceful that your DH is unable to cook dinner for two mid-teenagers and manage the logistics of their hobbies one night a week.

I have a one year old and work part time so do more of the child stuff. We both cook (me more and better), and are currently working out together how to arrange our time so that I can go to a weekly hobby night. My partner is very happy to try and facilitate that, as he should be.

Yeah this isn’t good. My DH can’t/wont cook either so I feel your pain there, but the idea that I couldn’t pursue my own interests due to being a mum would be awful to him. He will scramble eggs or put things in from the freezer for them when I am out. He know I need to be ok for everyone because I am sahm. Like you a lot of the dc stuff is my job, but doesn’t mean he thinks I have no needs. I’ve done exercise and hobbies since they were babies. I don’t say this to make you feel shit but hopefully this thread is an eye opener about your DH.

As young toddlers. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Basically, as soon as I wasn’t bf them to bed at night, I was off! I didn’t necessarily take a class because we didn’t have that sort of thing where we lived (very rural), but I did activities I enjoyed (swimming, running, hiking) and I did a lot of solo international travel. Mine are 7 & 12 now and Dh and I fit our activities around them. Dropping off in town for a 4 hour gymnastics session, Dh will go for a run or a cycle or I’ll go see my horse. I take at least 1-2 walking holidays per year without them, usually 3-10 days each.

DH was quite supportive so I sang in an amateur opera chorus while on may leave with our second, when he must have been about 9 months old.

Around 1 year old.

But that wasn’t for me, I relished going to Tesco on my own, even for one hour when dh got home from work.
I did go out for dinner with a couple of friends around once a month.

It was a desperate toss up between handing ds over to dh immediately he walked through the door and running upstairs to bed & locking the door OR taking time around Tesco for the silence in my head for one solitary hour.

Dark dark desperately days & nights.

DC stuff is your job? What on earth is his job? Existing?

Wrt time to yourself - by now of course, you should spend time on yourself. In the situation you mention the only thing I’d be worried about is ‘DD14 would have to come home alone from her club which finishes at 8pm (bus or bike)’. In the dark especially. Can’t ‘D’H collect her? Gives him a job.

5/6 years old but very limited things. Probably won’t fully gain “normal” again until kids are teens or able to stay at home alone.

I never stopped doing things just for me because there are two parents in this house.

wtf op

mine are 1 & 4 and I’m out like 3 evenings a week and the odd weekend day all day too!

how are you putting up with this

to to the hobby.

When my dd started school and I got some time back to myself as a single parent. I then met someone else and have a 10mo and, while I don't do any hobbies, I have time here and there if I want to do something or take my dd swimming etc.
Wtf is your dh doing. How has this been so normalised for you that you're asking this question so casually when your children are fully grown. I honestly expected your post to be talking about toddler aged kids.
At their ages they are also very capable of taking care of themselves. Go and do whatever hobby you want x