How old were your DC when you started doing things just for you?

[HibbityHobbityWho]

Before you e.g. restarted a hobby that took you out of the house in the evenings once or twice a week?

I've never considered re-starting except I just realised there's a club in the city where I work. So, whereas I can't really justify going out for 4.5 hours in the evening I wonder if I could make it work by working late, going direct. Effectively would take 30 mins to get there from the office and the commute from there is the same as the commute from my office. Wouldn't be home until late though (which would seriously piss off DH) as usually everyone is asleep by then. I wouldn't be home until 2215 at the earliest. DD14 would have to come home alone from her club which finishes at 8pm (bus or bike) and DS16 at 945pm. DS would have to sort food for everyone before he goes out at 730. I leave for work at 630.

I don't know if I should throw all my kit or try it out one last time.

I don't know if I'm being selfish to consider it? I started work at the beginning of this year after being a sahm (couldn't get childcare for DS) so that's been a big change for everyone. Not sure if my new found freedom is going to my head?!

mine are 1 & 4 and I’m out like 3 evenings a week and the odd weekend day all day too!

That is quite difficult though if your partner has the same time out on a weekly basis and your dc do extracurriculars

At 50 I made more time for my own yoga classes
Prior to this too busy driving kids around and doing school runs

Your dh needs to step up but your kids are plenty old enough to start fending for themselves a bit too.

From 9 months, I went to one gym class a week and also took a coffee shop break each weekend (during nap time but I'll continue once that drops).
I also have adhoc friend meetups and less frequent hobby meetups.

Pretty much from when they were born, even if it meant taking them with me. At 14 and 16 they are nearly adults. I think it would do them good to look after themselves for an evening a week.

Does DS have special needs? Wondering why he required care still at 14/15. Regardless, there's no harm to having a capable 16 year old prepare tea once a week.

But your dh still needs to step up. How selfish and odd to only cook for himself. It doesn't take 3x the effort to cook the same thing but 3x as much so everyone can eat.

I thought you were going to say you were a single parent as I have really struggled with this. I've only really started doing this in the last year to 18 months and mine are now 16 and 14 but that is leaving them actually on their own, not with their other parent present.

I think you need to have a conversation with your DH - not least about just collecting them from their clubs...!!!

@Danceparty55 mine have just got to the age where we can leave them alone for a bit. It’s so nice to say to DH on a whim let’s go for a meal or a drink.

I think I've always done things just for me. The idea that you can't leave your 14 and 16 year old (and DH) to get on with it for one evening a week is insane!

I don't have a hobby that's a class or a thing that takes me out of the house in the evenings. I do see friends in the evenings and I do have days out on my own or with friends on a regular basis. The first outing when DS was little was to a Christmas lunch when DS was less than 6 months. First evening meet up with friends a bit later than that. First day out, when he was in nursery

When my kids were the exact same age as yours I went on holiday to Malaysia by myself for a week. For no other reason than I wanted to! We were all going for a 2 week holiday to Singapore/Borneo but I wanted to go for longer. So I flew out a week earlier and met them in Singapore.

Your kids should be perfectly capable of spending the evening by themselves now. But I'm much more appalled by a DH who never cooks for his kids. You should have been able to leave your DH with the kids for the occasional evening out once you were past the breast feeding stage! Work permitting.

God I hope this is a troll! Three teenagers and a DH but still doesn’t know if she can have an evening out to herself.

you’ve gone wrong mate

You are in an abusive relationship.

The hobby should be the last thing on your mind.

End the relationship and then do as many hobbies as you want.

Is your DH a high earner working until 10pm every night? Or is he at home in the evenings, still, I think teenagers can get themselves some food and put themselves to bed.

I go out around 6/7 so have gotten one of them home (whichever day it is I usually either have nursery or school pick up)

any extra activities daughter has is at the school already as she’s still little.

if needed husband can at a push pick them both up or I can if either of us needed to go to soemthing earlier in the evening

we are always all home at the latest 6 and then it’s into dinner/bath/bed which only requires 1 parent to do this.

Think it’s important to get a break regularly

When mine were about 1yo each time I would restart evening gym classes, I was done breastfeeding and so DH could easily do bedtime. During mat leave family would watch the babies for an hour so I could do gym classes in the day.

When my kids are 14 and 16 I'm not expecting to have to think about whether I can be out for a few hours of an evening!