If you have gone No Contact - do you attend family gatherings?

[Afterthoughtings]

If you do, is it awkward? Do you still say hello or completely ignore?

Say for example if you have just arrived, everyone is sitting in the living room including the people you are NC with. No one else in the family is aware as it is very recent, do you ignore or just say hello and leave it at that?

Asking as we have gone NC after many years of disrespect. A big birthday is coming up and we have all been invited

I'm not sure it's NC if you are in contact with them and talking to them...

Weddings and funerals, civil acknowledgement but general avoidance.

As pp said , I acknowledge with a general greeting and then avoid .

If you are NC then you dont go….I mean why would you even contemplate it?

Basically it's a cousin's birthday and we are close with her, the people we are NC with will also be there. Sorry should have added in original post.

@Cat1504 Maybe the person having the birthday isn’t the one OP isn’t NC with and it would be difficult if they didn’t go.

Cross post with OP.

If you're NC then arrange a separate celebration with the person in question.

I’m NC with a parent. Generally he and I are not present in the same situations. I have been present at a funeral he also attended. I avoided him. He came over to speak as we left - I said hi and bye. We left. Generally I wouldn’t go somewhere other than a funeral if he was there. I def wouldn’t be meeting up at a house party/ gathering if he is going to be there. But as it happens he tends not to be invited to events I am at as he’s not a family member people choose to socialise with. (We’re NC for good reason!)

I'm LC with DH's family. I turn up for religious occasions, weddings and deaths - make civil small talk, but largely try to speak to the people I don't mind at any length. I would be NC but that is difficult for DH who gets the brunt of the shit from them, so this works. I see them 2-4 times a year and they live up the road.

Honestly, you don't go. Arrange to meet your cousin another time. It is not fair on everyone else. They may not know but the atmosphere will be tense.

In these circs I wouldn’t go in my situation. I’d make an excuse that doesn’t involve them and celebrate separately

Unless it’s a funeral, you don’t go if you want to be NC. Low contact is also an alternative.

No I don’t go. But my parents are divorced and the person I am NC with (my mother) has very little contact with my siblings either. So it’s not that difficult fortunately. But if I knew she’d be at something, I just wouldn’t go. I changed flights to avoid her earlier this year as i find out that she was going to be on mine.

I was as close to NC as I could manage with my father without completely cutting off my mum. I would see him at family functions but always made sure I was at the far end of the table/room so we didn't have to speak.
I only went to his funeral for my mum's sake.

I'd send apologies, plead a prior engagement and not go. Better all round IMO.

I don’t go, explain why if you want to and arrange something separately.

Yes I realise this …I never thought any different

If you attend family events where the other person is present, then you have not gone No Contact.

In this case you definitely don’t go….you are NC or not …you can’t chop and change

Excatcly this

I think it depends what the occasion is, how many other people will be there and crucially how the person/people you are NC with are likely to react to your presence.

I was NC with a brother and decided not to attend family weddings and parties that he attended because he was very likely to cause a scene (at least) and that was not fair on the person who invited us. DH and I did discuss what we would do about a funeral of a close family member and agreed we'd just go to the service, sit at the back, then slip away quietly. Even if I could be sure there wouldn't be an outburst I would only have gone if there would be enough other people around for it not to be awkward when we didn't speak.

Do they know you've gone NC or have you just not spoken in a while?
Does the cousin you are very close to know you'd been having problems with that relationship?
And how big a gathering is it? (100 people at a party, maybe. 12 for dinner, no way)

I’d take this cousin out for dinner to celebrate separately. It’s about protecting your peace and that needs to come above celebratiosn

I go. I have been civil and then been on a receiving end of a character assassination in the group chat the following day. I still go but am no longer civil - juat ignore.