If you have gone No Contact - do you attend family gatherings?

[Afterthoughtings]

If you do, is it awkward? Do you still say hello or completely ignore?

Say for example if you have just arrived, everyone is sitting in the living room including the people you are NC with. No one else in the family is aware as it is very recent, do you ignore or just say hello and leave it at that?

Asking as we have gone NC after many years of disrespect. A big birthday is coming up and we have all been invited

I only go to weddings or funerals if there's a chance my dad will be there. I acknowledge and then avoid him. For something I'd deem "non essential" like a birthday I'd just celebrate separately with the cousin, take them out for dinner or something.

Why not? It's not like some contract they signed. Surely it's possible that people are NC for a period of time and then gradually manage to tolerate each other socially. It seems silly to keep it up forever if you lose out on things you want to do. It seems like cutting off your nose to spite your face.

There are around 8 people who will be there. Cousin doesn't know. Thanks for the replies, it's helpful to know what your experiences have been with this type of situation

I don’t get invited to family things. I remind them of the child abuse they are covering up? The mirror is much too shiny. When my parents die I will go,

If there’s only going to be eight people, then I’d feign illness and take the cousin out to celebrate the following week. If it was a wedding or a funeral, there would be enough people to hold your hand up and say ‘This isn’t the time or place’ but there’s too much scope for other people to notice an atmosphere or for comments to be overheard, and before you know it, a celebration has turned into an intervention.

If you are still socialising with them, I don’t think you’re NC.

But no, to answer your question. We are NC with my mum and stepdad (my only family so easy to avoid them as no family events to run into them at) and we are NC with dh’s stepdad. People know we are NC and they have to choose which of us they want as we won’t attend anything where he is present - he’s a twat so I don’t want to be around him anyway, but he is a safeguarding risk to children so we won’t have him around our dc. It’s us or him. Some people don’t want to get involved and invite us all, and then we just decline. Or they only invite us.

But no, for me, no contact is no contact. I don’t respond to phone calls or messages. I return gifts. I will not physically allow someone to be around me.

Nope but I don't get invited either so don't know there happening.

NC with my parents; still have a relationship with my brother (also NC) and my sister (contact with both). She's asked about this - I wouldn't attend smaller functions (birthday parties etc), I would attend weddings etc but would sit somewhere away from parents and would not engage if they tried to start conversation; I'd just walk away.

I’d let your cousin know the situation and arrange to do something separately with them as a birthday treat.

Has this recently, found out person we were NC with was invited to something

Politely explained to host we could not be in same room but they could absolutely invite who they wanted to their home; we would see them
another day
Other person uninvited. We went.
One person did not go, rest of family went.

Had similar issue at a funeral - we all went, plan was to say if they kicked off that it was not the time or place
Side eye at crematorium but that’s all. They didn’t even turn up to wake so not too much of an issue

I don't go to family events where the people I am NC with are likely to be.
I have told other family members that I won't attend for this reason.

"Fortunately" there isn't a huge number of said events, mainly because the people I am NC with are also avoided by virtually everyone else.

My brother has been NC with me for 29 years.

We are usually both invited to family events as family won't leave one of us without an invite.

If he is near to me at the event, I say hello, he ignores me.
He never speaks to me and spends his time sitting/standing as far away as possible from me. Awkward for family members who end up having to split their time between us.

There are other family members he is NC with, except they didn't know that he was NC with them. At our DF’s funeral my DB made this family member cry, when she tried (twice) to speak to him and he blanked her completely.

He blanked my young adult children when they tried to introduce themselves, beside the hearse carrying my DF’s coffin.

Arranging the funeral, he ignored me, he couldn't even look at me, made me feel invisible. At first meeting I offered my condolences to him. I wasn't going to lower myself to his rudeness.
At the wake he chose to sit in another room to me and the rest of the family.

Just see your cousin separately to celebrate their birthday.

I don't have contact with my dad, although there was never a massive falling out or any announcement that I am going NC. I don't want anything to do with him and he doesn't care and makes no effort to see me.

We have both been at a couple of funerals. We say hello, all polite enough. I wouldn't be likely to go to a social event where I know he will be because it hurts a bit too much.

If you can go to the party knowing there will be no arguing and that it will not be too painful for you and awkward for everyone else, id just be polite by saying hello but keeping my distance.

I don't have contact with my mother. I declined going to family parties where she'll be present and now I generally don't get invited, which I think is completely reasonable. The last time I stayed with relatives I was informed that she'd be 'popping in' at short notice. I decided to go for a long walk to a cafe, and got someone I trusted to text me when she'd left.

I only see her at funerals and there we don't really talk - I sit at the back of the church and don't socialise afterwards.

I've been NC for many years though - I respect that it's more difficult figuring out the boundaries if it's recent. For the priorities are not making other family members uncomfortable or putting them in the middle of conflict, and not putting myself in a high stress situation, which mostly means staying away.

Be polite. Say hello. Then avoid.
This is what I do!