Tell me about your kids 5 year age gap!

[Awbiscuits]

I had such awful PND with my daughter that I swore we were one and done for years.

However with hindsight My mental health pre pregnancy was so bad that it was no wonder the PND hit me hard. I'm in a much better place mentally now than I was then, having worked on my MH a lot and DH and I think we would like another child! Eek.

However my daughter is now 4 so we've missed the boat on that 2-3 year age gap that most people tend to go for.

Could anyone share what it's like with 2 kids 5-6 years apart? Are they still close? Tell me all, the good, the bad and the ugly!!

4yrs 10m and it’s perfect

My sister has made my life unpleasant. She was apparently extremely jealous when I arrived. 5 year age gap

I have an almost 4 year gap and I've met lots of people with a 4-5 year gap and we've loved being on mat leave whilst older child is in reception. Able to support older child well with transition but you also get a lovely chill mat leave with the baby!

9 years between child 1 and 2. Absolutely bliss, no dramas eldest old enough to help out, look after himself within reason, 3 years between child 2 and 3, Drama central! Getting easier now they are 10 and 7 but still argue, bicker etc. The closest relationship is the eldest and youngest who are 12 years apart

They are not massively close but they are very different people so it's not just down to the age gap.
I get lots of 1:1 time with them. It was very easy when they were little as the older one was in school. There are something's we can do as a family.

There's pros and cons to everything really.

I have 4, so different dynamics, but we had one child, 3 year gap then another child, then 5 years before another (and another after that!)
The 5 year gap is actually really lovely, depends on personality of course but my DD absolutely loves the younger ones. She always wanted to help with everything when they were little babies and now they are a bit older they play all the time. It's a bit different because they aren't exactly peers in the same way as the first 2 and then the second 2, but it's actually a lovely gap and especially if you only plan on 2 children I wouldn't be put off by it.

My two eldest were 8 and 9 when the youngest was born. It was great as if we went out for the day they could do most activities independently while I dealt with the baby. They had a couple of years of the baby fitting in with them when we went out for the day then were a bit miffed occasionally when we started going to places that she would enjoy once she was a toddler. But pretty soon they were old enough to leave at home for a bit if I took her to a play cafe etc. So I highly recommend an 8-10 year age gap if age is on your side and you can afford to wait.

4.5 year age gap between me & my younger sister - we’re very close now, go on holiday together & have seen each other through all kinds of shit, but fought all the time as kids & only really started getting on once I left for university.

I’m pretty sure the thing that stopped our relationship deteriorating beyond repair as kids was having separate bedrooms & being able to close the door on each other.

We have an almost 5 year gap (4 years 9 months ). My DS1 is now 5 and DS2 is 1 , so far I have absolutely loved it and would have hated a smaller gap. My DS1 was in reception when born so I got to enjoy mat leave days with baby, and was also fully off work for his first 6 weeks, half terms etc.

All gaps bring different challenges. But I have 3 siblings. There is 8 years between myself and DB2 , I see him most Sundays now , he loves my kids , we also never fought growing up. DB1 almost 3 year gap , and we fought terrible every single day, no let up . We are close now, but growing up i hated him 🤣.

There’s just over 5yrs in me and my brother (I’m the oldest). We were never even remotely close as kids but also never had similar sort of interests. But, having seen kids who are closer in age I’d also say that we were never competitive with each other in the way some siblings are. It’s as only adults that we have any sort of common interests mostly how to deal with aging parents

I had 3.5 years between my three children and it worked. There is no right or wrong way Good luck it’ll be fine.

DD1 and DD2 have a 6.5y age gap. They are currently (nearly) 12 and 5 and argue continually. They wind each other up no end but that is largely because DD2 is quite a handful. I went on to have DS as well (10y and 3.5y age gaps with DDs) and DD2 winds him up too. 5 is just a challenging age!

I wouldn’t change anything as I love my kids no end but I do feel for DD1. She is the odd one out in that the activities are often not aimed at her age range. We try to make sure she gets to do things targeted at her too but it’s difficult to fit it all in.

There are just over 5 year between our kids and it’s been lovely at every stage. The oldest was old enough to really understand that he was getting a sister and loved her from day 1. As he was always trying to get smiles and laughs out of her as a baby, she absolutely adored him from early on. As they got older the youngest always looked up to her brother and he really was a great protective big brother. He understood he was too old to be rough with her so we’ve never had them fighting and there is no competition, just genuine support for each other. They are 17 and 22 and very close.

It’s worked out really well for us, but I honestly think it’s more about how you bring them up and their personalities than the age gap.

I have a 5 year age gap due to infertility.
Dc1 was and always has been an amazing big brother. Dt idolise him (even now as older teens).
When they were little ds was old enough to be independent, I got rest when he was at school and dt got my time. There have been times when they are at different stages of life and different needs but we've always been able to find something they all enjoyed.
Eldest has left home now but still comes back and dc sometimes go and stay with him. They have their own chat group and keep in touch. Dt were flexible when little because their life revolved around big brothers life. So nap before school pick up, tea while watching dc1 have swimming lessons etc.
I was a much better mum second time around, much more confident, I'd been physically ill which affected my mh after dc1 but knew how to help myself after dt.

Reading the comments, it appears the answer to your question really varies. However in my experience it’s been great. We don’t intend on such a gap (IVF babies) but my eldest daughter was five and a half when her sister was born. She’s been an absolutely doting big sister and is absolutely wonderful with my youngest. My eldest (now 8) is genuinely helpful, particularly when it comes to things like entertaining my three year old when I make tea. Although the age gap means they have many different interests, there’s enough overlap that they do play together, and I think when my three year old is old enough to play board games and the like properly, that will open up another way for them to play together.
the only negative is that I can see that soon, planning days out that interest them both might be tricky, especially at places that have an upper age limit.

I have a 5 year age gap between DD2 and 3 and waited that long for similar reasons to you.

Positives.

DD2 started school before 3 was born so I had lots of time home alone at the start of mat leave which was bliss!

The school playground was a place to chat, never made lifelong friends but it helped where I really struggled to talk to people in the midst of PND with DD2

Both DD1 (7years older that DD3) and DD2 doted on DD3 as a baby and encouraged her to play, interact etc which actually helped me with chores, cooking etc

I had the best mat leave with DD3 as we were home alone a lot so we did things and met people and I had time to give her attention which was trickier with my smaller age gap

Negatives
Older 2 sometime struggle to be patient with DD3 (even now and DD3 is 12!)

School run broke up my day and stopped me doing things. And had to get up and go every morning. Absolute killer! (No sleeping when baby does)

Trickier weekends and holidays finding something for all of us to do. Fine when DD3 was tiny I'd just put the carrier on but got tricker as they got older.

I already had an older DD. (2 year age gap between first 2) This isn't a negative really but it did help somewhat as older 2 played together so didn't need me as much so that may not work for you.

Overall though DD3 has been the absolute light of our lives and the 5 year age gap has never been a major problem. I feel there's more positives than negatives. She effectively grew up with 3 mothers lol

There is 5 years between my sister and I. We are best friends now but I'd left home before the age gap started closing in.

Just like us.

I had a 5 year age gap with my sibling and hated it. We were never at the same stage and never been close.
my 2 have 4 years due to infertility and I find that too much.

I had my second baby during COVID lockdown so it totally negated all the plus points of that age gap - homeschooling with a newborn was hell.

Six y and between me and my sibling, and my mum says it’s was great we didn’t argue at all and she was able to do grown up things with me and baby things with them. 11 years between mine and again works perfectly, the ones that struggle are those that couldn’t cope with one then had another thinking it’d be easier.
Don’t be fooled into thinking that you won’t have terrible PND as those I know that had it with their first child also had it with each child they had and two of those had postnatal psychosis with child 2.

not quite the scenario you’re looking for but 5 yrs between dc2 and dc3 Dc2 was besotted when dc3 was a baby but at toddler stage and beyond, they fought often and drove me mad. I implemented some strategies and it got a lot better.
while older dc were at primary school, it was easy to go off and do things together but it got trickier later as older dc don’t want to run around the park or watch Pixar films in the cinema.
They still enjoyed days out together, some outings. Just need to be creative.
Theyre at secondary school now and get on really well. They’re hanging out together with dc1, watching Stranger Things, we have a couple of events booked and cinema to see Avatar. But mainly, I’m focussed on doing stuff with dc3 while older dc do their own thing.
So, some tricky dynamics but get creative.

Almost 5 year age gap between DS and DP, they were fine when they were younger. When DS was about 10 he started to get fed up with her and they’d both just rub each other the wrong way, mostly dd winding him up, he’d do everything he could to keep away from her. They are 17 and 13 now and they’ve got in a lot better the last year. Apart from liking the same foods etc, they are polar opposites. Dd is sociable, had loads of friends, the extrovert… DS is the introvert, he is also autistic so that comes with a whole array of other challenges.

We’ve had a lovely experience with our 5 year age gap, we have two DDs, they are now 3 and 8. I was never going to be having a 2/3 year age gap, I was very content with my first and happily stayed in that bubble. I’ve very much enjoyed how it’s worked out for us. We got pregnant quickly both times, we delayed for a number of reasons, firstly I was really sick with my first and struggled for much of the pregnancy, my birth was very long and painful. The newborn stage was so hard and I had PPD. We decided to try in 2020 but then Covid/lockdown happened so paused the baby making plan by about 15 months or so.

I don’t even think about our age gap, they are super close and play together every day. My oldest is amazing with her little sister and little sister idolises her older sister. This is the first Christmas stocking year I got them exactly the same presents. I had an under 3 year gap with my siblings (twins) and also close with them.

I think it depends on the kids, maybe some nature, maybe some nature. I know siblings with closer age gaps who get along great and some with closer age gaps who don’t.

Adding out littlest to our family was the best thing we ever did, go for it!

I have a 5 and 8 year gap.

DD 22
Ds 19
Dd 14

they all have fantastic relationships now, especially ds and youngest Dd. It did take until the older ones where each around 14 or 15 to really gel.

the younger years were a struggle as it was really difficult to find an activity to suit all of them so someone was feeling left out, forced into an activity that was too young for them or frustrated at something the couldn’t do as they were too young.

thankfully they all have good relationships now but it was a challenge when they were younger.