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Original poster

Tell me about your kids 5 year age gap!

59 replies

Awbiscuits · 28/12/2025 17:15

I had such awful PND with my daughter that I swore we were one and done for years.

However with hindsight My mental health pre pregnancy was so bad that it was no wonder the PND hit me hard. I'm in a much better place mentally now than I was then, having worked on my MH a lot and DH and I think we would like another child! Eek.

However my daughter is now 4 so we've missed the boat on that 2-3 year age gap that most people tend to go for.

Could anyone share what it's like with 2 kids 5-6 years apart? Are they still close? Tell me all, the good, the bad and the ugly!!

OP posts:

OddSocksAreCool · 28/12/2025 17:18

Biggest mistake I ever made was having a second child with a 5, almost 6 year age gap. Life is miserable. Little one adores his big brother and wants to be like him, has subsequently grown up too quickly. Older one cannot stand his younger brother and is constantly irritated by him. They have nothing in common, days out for both of them are impossible.

I thought it would be fine after reading threads on here and I was very wrong.

herbalteabag · 28/12/2025 17:19

I have a larger age gap. My children were always close but they were never at the same stage of life. We still had nice days out and nice holidays when the youngest was old enough. They played a bit together - football in the garden, Lego and computer games. Now eldest doesn't live here but when he is here they are very close and get on very well.

Bookaholic73 · 28/12/2025 17:20

Mine (both boys) have a gap just under 5 years and they’ve always been super close. They are now in their 20s and are still very close to one another.

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Pippatpip · 28/12/2025 17:20

It was great. My eldest could be left with baby and then, once youngest was about aged 4to 11 played endlessly with him. Main probs were between two and 3.5. Youngest wanted to do everything eldest could do and eldest no longer wanted to be classed as a ‘baby’.

Whentosayitsover · 28/12/2025 17:21

I love this age gap. My oldest was able to (and enjoyed) helping with the baby. I had great 1-1 time with my oldest up until school age and then got great 1-1 time with the baby. They went through a slightly rougher period when oldest was about 12 where the youngest would wind her up and she’d bite - but they’re through that now and I love watching them together. They’ve discovered common interests and seen to genuinely enjoy spending time together.

AngelWingsS · 28/12/2025 17:21

Not great, my 13 year old can’t stand his 8 year old sister

peanutForever · 28/12/2025 17:21

Im going to have a 5 year age gap once this baby is born. It depends on your kids really, plenty of people have 5 year age gaps

undercoverhero74 · 28/12/2025 17:23

I have a 5yr age gap between my two and honestly it’s been brilliant! My so. Had just started reception when my daughter was born. I got to enjoy all the fresh newborn cuddles whilst my son was at school and I really really enjoyed giving my son that extra time whilst on maternity leave. My son absolutely adores his little sister and they wouldn’t be without each other. I honestly can’t find a single fault. The thought of a smaller age gap and tackling a toddler and baby at the same time sounds horrific to me so the 5yr gap is just perfect.

RealChristmasBaby · 28/12/2025 17:28

My firstborn was such a difficult child to look after (and we moved house) so five year gap. DD oldest and then DS. Mostly it was good, plenty of time to spend with each of them as they were little. They are very close now and holiday together which I think is lovely. For me it all worked out really well.

ClassicStripe · 28/12/2025 17:32

I am finding it OK at the moment and a part from a few stretches it hasn’t been too bad. I’ve got DD8 and DS3 at the moment. They have been getting on really well lately but I did find the first bit hard as DD was used to having me all to herself and I had the most horrendous PND though I had no idea it was that at the time as it wasn’t presenting typically.

Mynameispie · 28/12/2025 17:36

Mine are currently 9 & 4 and for the most part they get on pretty well and always have. Don’t get me wrong we have those days that they do nothing but fight and bicker and I do have to remind the older one how much bigger he is than his little brother but otherwise it’s been ok. The big benefit for me was that in the baby years with number 2 I didn’t have to worry so much about the older one and he could ‘help’ in a way bringing nappies etc and he was a bit more understanding.

Needspaceforlego · 28/12/2025 17:43

6years here good days and bad days.
Its got easier as they have got older 15 & 9.

You just have to go for it and make the best of it.

inourpeppapigstage · 28/12/2025 17:47

OddSocksAreCool · 28/12/2025 17:18

I thought it would be fine after reading threads on here and I was very wrong.

That’s interesting as I feel like my 2.5 year gap is a huge mistake and I’ve wished so many times I’d had a bigger one.

Five years is my ideal.

SomedayIllBeSaturdayNight · 28/12/2025 17:47

I just don't think you can plan how well your DC get on. I know adult siblings with a 5 year age gap who are best friends, and twins who never see each other.

WafflingDreamer · 28/12/2025 17:47

I have a 3.5y and 5y age gap. In my opinion it is much more about the personality of your child than the age. The hardest part for me in the 5y gap is it is hard to find things to do that entertain everyone. The little one gets dragged to clubs, football matches, ect and as such tends to have a much later bedtime than many of their peers.

My 5y age gap is my easiest gap in many ways but my eldest is a nurturing kind of person, they adore little kids, they are very patient, the little ones friends all want to be around her and she enjoys that. My middle child is AuDHD and has a love hate relationship with her little brother.

My cousin has an 11y and 13y age gap shes found it brilliant as the older ones are really helpful and shevhas a lot of support locally to help get them out and about.

Itsallinyourhead2022 · 28/12/2025 17:49

4.5 year age gap here. Was great when they were younger. When dd1 hit puberty and wanted to hang around with her friends it hit dd2 hard as she couldn’t understand why her big sister who had played with her since she was born now didn’t seem to want to know her. Eldest is just gone 18 and younger is 13.5 and they’re back as thick as thieves and ganging up on me and taking the piss out of me and dh every possible opportunity….. it worked for us

Twodogsisbetterthanone · 28/12/2025 17:51

Mine were all 5 years apart intentionally, as soon as one started school, I had a whole year of mat leave with the baby, which was great. They weren’t super close when little, but the eldest always looked out for the youngest. Now they are all teens and adults, it’s great. They love doing stuff together. The boys are off to a football match tomorrow!

ShanghaiDiva · 28/12/2025 17:57

Six years between my ds and dd. It was great when they when dd was born as ds was at school and we could could go to mums and babies type groups and as he only had school in the morning (lived overseas) I could spend tine with ds whilst dd had her afternoon nap. It was more challenging when ds was a teenager as he found her annoying, whereas she worshipped him. They get on really well now, have similar interests and both interested in science and maths. Dd loves ds’s partner which also helps.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 28/12/2025 18:00

I think its important not to do family stuff too often when there is a gap. Once baby is toddling, their needs will dominate and it becomes very unfair on the eldest. We both tried to have one to one time with eldest and sometimes it felt like a disjointed family but the most difficult times by far were the family events when we tried to do things together. My youngest was in fact twins to it was much more busy than one. I don't know what I would have done if the gap was narrower, DS1 was able to keep an eye on a baby while I fed the other or fetch things for me.. he also was out the front playing all the time within view and able to call to neighbours, i would have had to take him out if younger and it would have been more restrictive.

Eldest gets on OK with younger two but zero common interests, and never had. Even the hand me down toys were never played with and clothes never worn beyond the first few years. I think if my two sons had been 2 years apart they would never have played together, they were too different so I don't think the gap really was the issue. I have a feeling they will be close though when older, we'll have to wait and see.

inourpeppapigstage · 28/12/2025 18:09

That’s true whatever the gap to an extent though, @Dontlletmedownbruce , surely? It’s been a big source of guilt to me that my DS’s needs are set to one side so much because of his younger sister but I’m not really sure what I can do about it.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 28/12/2025 18:11

There five and a half years between my boys. They’re either best friends or trying to kill each other. There is no in between. Some days are extremely difficult.

They are 9.5 and just 4.

tinyspiny · 28/12/2025 18:18

Mine are 6 yrs apart and now adults . As children they didn’t get along at all however they are better as adults . Our main issue was that our eldest was perfectly happy as an only child so any age gap would have been the same . The eldest certainly didn’t suffer through having a younger sibling though as we ensured that he still went on holidays / days out etc appropriate to his age even if it meant he went with my husband / sister / my mum .

Watchoutfortheslowaraf · 28/12/2025 18:19

Mine are 3 years apart and were great until recently but now argue and don’t get on much as the eldest is 13 and thinks he is 15 and his 10 year old sister annoys him. I’m hoping they’ll come through the other side. My sisters were 2 years apart and argued their whole childhood. At 7 and 5 years older than them, I actually got on best with them than they did with each other. We all get on great as adults.

just wanted to reassure you that 2-3 years isn’t always perfect. It’s all dependent on personalities and what stage of childhood they’re at in my experience. The 5 year gap might be great for a bit then not so great then good again etc. I wouldn’t worry at all. It definitely has its positives with the older one being in school while you’re at home with new baby

curlyblonde · 28/12/2025 18:23

Our 5 year age gap was caused by secondary infertility - I would much rather have had the standard 2 year age gap. But it’s worked out wonderfully - DC1 adores his sibling, plays with them all the time and DC2 really looks up to their older sibling . I think the importance of the age gap in sibling relationships is over-emphasised tbh. Personality and interests all play a much bigger role. And they’ll quite possibly only be living together full time for 13-15 years anyway. Then they have their whole adult life together and the age gap will be irrelevant then.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 28/12/2025 18:23

Not mine but DB and SIL have a 5 year age gap with their two who are now 2 and 7. They generally get on very well, are both boys and the only slightly tricky issues have come about as the younger one tries to wreck the eldest’s lego displays sometimes or the younger one is getting more attention and the elder one get jealous.

The youngest can speak and understand a lot but he doesn’t say as much (no sentences) as the eldest did at his age.

They really don’t fight much either.

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