Have you ever has a tantrum/ meltdown?

[Dontlletmedownbruce]

Because i just did. I've been feeling stressed for a while but nothing new there, Christmas is always a bit triggering for me. This year I was weirdly physically tired and presumed it's related to a virus that went through the house. The last few weeks I had a building panicky feeling and low tolerance of everything but particularly noise..then a few nights of insomnia. This morning I started crying, and couldn't stop. I was bawling like big heaving sobs. I'm not a crier, I NEVER cry and it just overcame me. It went on for an hour or so, like hysteria.

Dh tried to talk to me and I ranted a bit about how I never have time to myself and no one cares about what I want, I've nothing to look forward to and hate my life (not true) and how he is the main reason I have so much stress in my life (kind of true). I basically had a spoilt brat tantrum.

This is so out of character for me, I'm curious how common it is? I'm already ashamed and beating myself up for such childish behaviour and loss of control.

I never have. I’ve never even lost my temper in a big way. My husband is the same. I’ve never seen him more than mildly peeved. Our children seem to have inherited the same traits as they never even had toddler tantrums.

But - if I felt overwhelmed and unsupported, I might well blow my top.

No I never have.

But I'm a firm believer in communication so things tend not to build up to exploding point with me.

No never. I've never seen DH (76) lose his temper (or even get angry). Adult DC - no tantrums or anger since age 4.
I think it's in your nature, or not, as the case may be.

Yes, when I was crazy busy and someone work dumped some absolute time consuming shit on me so they didn't have to deal with it. I am not proud of the way I behaved. I just couldn't deal with any more. I've just had a load of surgery and could not deal with any more. They won't be doing that any more for sure.

@Quincette @SweeetFannyAdams @Whisping oh wow you're all so supportive!! Thanks for your input 😞
You sound so damn perfect. Why bother to reply.

What a very strange reply?

Have you outed yourself as the OP?

But either way, the question was "Have you ever had a tantrum/meltdown?"

Were we not supposed to answer or something?

How does that work on a chat forum?

Yes, I had a mini meltdown before Christmas. I'm a single mum and was trying to get in an appointment while having Christmas shopping, work in my head. My car was in the garage and my dad said he'd give me a lift in. My dad got triggered by traffic and started ranting and raving, blaming me for it (a normal thing for my dad). It was bad timing and I couldn't deal with it at all. I had a meltdown, saying no matter what I do, it's never enough, it's too hard doing everything, I might as well just give up, it's not making anyone happy anyway, myself included etc. Like you didn't really mean any of it but I certainly was embarrassed at myself!

Yes!! My work Xmas do last year was so awful I couldn’t contain myself!! We pay for it ourselves and it was a grim meal in the tackiest venue. I stropped so much my lovely lovely colleague started organising 2025 in about February and this year we went to a really gorgeous gastro pub with the most amazing decorations. Really insta perfect but we had the nicest classiest time and there wasn’t much difference in price. We could all hear each other too and the focus wasn’t on getting wasted. Everyone loved it and we will most likely go there 2026. Don’t regret my strop at all!!

Dontlletmedownbruce
Don't ever feel ashamed! Your feelings are valid and normal!! This time of year can be very stressful and upsetting for a lot of people. We're not all perfect.

I think referring to it as a tantrum is undermining your own emotions. It doesnt sound like you were unreasonable to be feeling overwhelmed. Perhaps you could have communicated it better, but if you've been bottling it up for years, it was bound to spill out eventually.

Anger isn't an unhealthy emotion, despite all the 'I've never seen my husband angry in 60-odd years" comments that are coming through. That just gives me images of emotionally mute individuals, probably with stomach ulcers.

You can be angry and communicate well at the same time; they aren't mutually exclusive.

Take this as a sign that you need to express your emotions more often, so you can maintain control of them.

May I add the grammatical error in my title is also embarrassing me now! Can't edit it now.

I am really sympathetic to the OP, but this … a meltdown / tantrum? I mean absolutely yes, say something if you must but a tantrum?

Ah yes i had an epic one in Disneyland Paris

I had a similar moment during lockdown. I discovered I don't cope well with not having regular time alone at home. Christmas feels a bit like this, as both DH and I have the week off work together. I do take myself off and sit in a different room for a bit each day, but I still have a slight 'on edge'/unsettled feeling until we go back to work and I can get back into my usual routine. It annoys the hell out of me and DH can't understand why I can't just enjoy the week off work! I think next year I might need to book a couple of nights away on my own or something.

Yes I’ve had several in my life, bad ones. I do have adhd though and I also have had some bad shit going on in my life and I do get overwhelmed very easily.

im nearly 50 now and I recognise my triggers and what sets me off and I have developed coping mechanisms that help and I don’t often get them now and if they are they’re milder. I’ve also had some councelling which helped a bit.

dont feel bad about a meltdown, I think its a response to feeling that you are at your limit and you’ve exploded outwards and not inwards.

how he is the main reason I have so much stress in my life (kind of true).

When you've been keeping a lid on something, biting your lip, keeping the peace, it has to explode sometime. No need to be ashamed or embarrassed. But take this as the sign that things need to change. You might have thought you were coping but deep down and unrecognised it was eating away at you.

Nope

Yes I'd one yesterday, probably most epic yet.

Start off by saying I was alone. It was a complete shit show of a Christmas to wrap up a crappy year. I had a hysterectomy earlier in the year and I almost died, my mum has Alzheimers and cancer and no longer knows me. She spent the year either on hospital or in an EMI. I'm in the middle of packing for a house move 5 January and along with 5 family deaths alone this year I was at the absolute end of my patience, surgical menopause is a bastard.

I cried, I yelled and I threw a mug at the wall. I cried myself to sleep. DH successfully engaged teenager with Learning Disabilities and wouldn't even allow him in to the room later on. He follows me everywhere usually.

Weirdly today i feel calmer. It was like a release of tension of how stressful I've been finding life. No.kne hurt, no one traumatised though the cat is giving me the side eye as I interrupted his afternoon nap.

Yep all the time but I have bpd so don't know if that changes things

I sure have.

This last year and a half has been awful and very traumatic. There has been no stability and I have had to juggle everything while life was falling apart around me.

There has been times where I am been so overwhelmed with emotion that I haven't been able to stop crying and gone into some weird place where im sobbing and can't calm down.

I have a lot of people to talk to and always communicate my feelings, but there has been a few times where I have broken down like that. However, I needed to do it, it released a lot and then I was able to pick myself back up again. I am not ashamed of it. In fact, I don't think it was an unhealthy response at all to extreme emotion and stress.

I used to all the time - pre and during divorce and court case, working in a bullying and stressful workplace, being a single parent with no support. Now I'm single, happy, run my own business and the kids are older, and I couldn't tell you when I last cried. So it was clearly stress and overwhelm.

I have in the past yes. Thanks PMT!

Yes, had one on Christmas Eve, like you Christmas is always a bit of a trigger to me. I don’t last long when I lose it though, maybe 15 minutes max? Also had one a couple of months ago, that was quick but very emotional (big crying!).

I just had one. Mainly because I have come in and having asked my husband to tidy up (which he said he had sorted the front room)- it's covered in Christmas wrapping paper and presents. I chucked his presents in the bin saying he couldn't want them if he hadn't put them away....
I feel better because the room is tidy and I have had some sugar ....

Until I went onto HRT for peri-menopause I had been so bad for this. We started calling it “Muffining” after Muffin from Bluey as that’s honestly how I felt a lot of the time. HRT has been a lifesaver for me and my relationships with DH, family and friends. I’m not saying I don’t still get overwhelmed at times but it’s not coming out of absolute nowhere as much now and I’m more likely to be able to calm myself down when it does happen.