Have you ever has a tantrum/ meltdown?

[Dontlletmedownbruce]

Because i just did. I've been feeling stressed for a while but nothing new there, Christmas is always a bit triggering for me. This year I was weirdly physically tired and presumed it's related to a virus that went through the house. The last few weeks I had a building panicky feeling and low tolerance of everything but particularly noise..then a few nights of insomnia. This morning I started crying, and couldn't stop. I was bawling like big heaving sobs. I'm not a crier, I NEVER cry and it just overcame me. It went on for an hour or so, like hysteria.

Dh tried to talk to me and I ranted a bit about how I never have time to myself and no one cares about what I want, I've nothing to look forward to and hate my life (not true) and how he is the main reason I have so much stress in my life (kind of true). I basically had a spoilt brat tantrum.

This is so out of character for me, I'm curious how common it is? I'm already ashamed and beating myself up for such childish behaviour and loss of control.

Yes, I've had them. My DH has, I've seen friends, family and colleagues (very stressful role) have them. There's nothing to be ashamed of, any of us could reach breaking point. It's a sign that something needs to change. I hope your DH is being supportive and helping you carve out some time for yourself.

Yes of course! When tired, overwhelmed, pms etc. We are just big children in the end and whilst we have much more emotional regulation it's not perfect. Crying releases endorphins anyway, I always feel better after a big cry.
OP can you pinpoint how you feel overwhelmed now you are calm and how DH can support you?

yes and it was awful - for me and the family. I later realised that it was Peri menopause. There had been had family things that triggered it but the building feeling you describe was for me falling oestrogen. Hrt and I’ve not had one since

I was pregnant and in the car with my (then) partner. The plan was for me to move into his house but the place was a mess - bare walls, doors taken off their hinges, electrical wires hanging out of the wall. Meanwhile I was single handedly packing up my own flat whilst working full time.

In the car I was coming up with ideas to get things sorted before baby came - every suggestion was met with a problem.

I have never felt so frustrated in my life. It dawned on me how he clearly didn't want me in his house. He'd opted out of prenatal classes, left every decision up to me. The discussion in the car was the last straw. I just started screaming. Literally screaming.

He pulled over, told me to get out and drove off. He came back about 20 minutes later. We still didn't get sorted and everything remained on my shoulders until we split when our baby was 14 months.

I still remember how awful I felt in that moment. So alone and overwhelmed. I feel terrible that my baby would have heard the scream while in my womb. He hates loud noises age 11! I hope I didn't damage him.

I don't but it's not unusual - especially when it's a release versus a childish tantrum (which i cant abide from anyone over the age of 13) At important or relevant times - my Husband is like a farther in a trance - when he does let go it's always at the most surprising / irrelevant times and he sounds so childish I've all on not to laugh.

I have, OP and it makes you feel awful. I had a period of my life where life was extremely stressful and demanding with no break and I'd just had enough.

Try not to feel bad about it, think of it as a safety valve releasing some of the pressure so you can function again. Once you've calmed down, look at the things that have built up to this and how you can recognise the signs and intervene at an earlier stage I future.

No . I’m an adult .

No I haven’t, but I’ve certainly sworn and muttered under my breath at times. Exercise for me is also a great rage buster.
I’m not a shouty or emotional person, nor is dh. I’ve seen him shout twice in 23 years, both times completely understandable reasons to shout (he wasn’t shouting at me).
I do think it’s healthy to have a conversation about what’s pissing you off and dh and I do vent irritations to each other. They’re not always easy conversations to have because neither of us want to upset each other but sometimes things just need saying.

Yes.

it was during the lockdowns. I’d walked out of the family home with my dd after my then husband assaulted her and I called the police.

i was living with my dd in a house that a couple I didn’t know had let me rent while they were in Australia.

i didn’t have much money and I was worrying about finding permanent housing and also about my then H finding us and hurting us.

i was working as a teacher in a school. There were all sorts of rules about how close you were allowed to be to people.

one day a member of SLT came into my class and said that someone from the class had had covid and that all the children who had been sat next to that child in any of their lessons had to go home.

she read out a list and they all got their bags and coats and left the classroom. It was about ten kids, a third of the class.

when they had gone one of the kids who was left said out loud “are they all going to die Miss” and so spent the rest of the lesson talking about covid with them.

that lunch break I went into my office and just laid down and cried and cried. I couldn’t stop. Someone else had to take my afternoon class.

I had two episodes of briefly losing my mind. I mean for a few minutes. Both in the car with my young children as witnesses. My DH had passed away suddenly and while seemingly managing ok with dealing with everything a couple times I just couldn’t hold it together. I was driving to visit my in laws once and got lost - I just completely lost the plot and started shouting, not loudly, but I know I scared the kids as my son started crying. Same thing another time, can’t remember what triggered it but again just lost it. The fact I was driving was awful - I think this is the kind of red mist thing that makes people drive off a cliff or what have you. Anyway it lasted a few minutes and then I pulled myself back, apologised and managed to get on with the rest of the day. Scary though and I’m really ashamed of myself.
My DH was always so calm - he lost his temper sure but I could never imagine him losing control like I did. My DD (now 20) rarely gets angry - she’s more of a silent walk away type. My son (22) however - wow he used to get super angry and punch walls etc as a teen. He’s much better at self regulation now. Growing up I never had outbursts except once or twice both at my sister for something she’d done. But from 18 til late 40s (I was 47 when DH passed away) I was solid. Rest assured I’m back in control these past ten or so years!

You asked if anyone had ever had a tantrum/meltdown? You should have added ‘only answer yes, I have, do not reply if you haven’t’ then we would’ve known…anyway, no, I never have. Does that make me perfect? I didn’t know the bar was so low….

No I asked the question, I'm the OP. @MrsHench is a poster

In the past I have occasionally lost my temper and become verbally violent with a random person with no consideration of the possible danger to myself. One night 2 masked men kicked my door in and demanded money. I mocked them for being stupid and coming to the only house in the street without a car. I threatened them with a freezer knife, yelled at them to fuck off and rob someone else. I dont think they expected that from a middle class woman in her 70s. They left with nothing.

Then I apologise…

I’ve never had a tantrum meltdown, but I have in sorrow, Where I’ve just sat and cried, although it’s extremely rare.

Yes, definitely. Also I wouldn't say you sound like a spoiled brat at all.

I have ADHD (and maybe autism but that's not officially diagnosed) and that comes with emotional dysregulation, so I at times will absolutely melt down and become hysterical, sob, smack myself and so on. This is usually triggered by a combination of overwhelm with work, messy house, lack of support, health issues and arguments with DH that send me over the edge and I eventually crack.

Anyway I imagine a lot of people have "tantrums" but they'd never admit it.

Oh God yeah.
I have a big one every few years.
Haven't really had one too bad this year.
I got very triggered at a christmas lights event because my DH walked off without checking I was following (he's prone to walking very fast without caring if anyone is with him) I was folding up the pram.. ge had the kids with him.. and it was a bloody hedge maze he walked off into so I was left stood alone in the rain at an event id paid a lit of money for.
I felt myself losing and had to do some breathing excericises.
It was an overreaction and I did not want to overreact but I can have randomly intense emotional reactions to things when stressed.
I did manage to work through that one. I had a really strong compulsion to just start crying and leave.
I just sat on a bench and texted my husband that he was thoughtless. He came out of the maze and apologised and I was able to quickly calm down and get on with the day.

But I had the feelings I have when im about to have a complete meltdown and I dont always manage to avoid them.
I've done completely mental stuff in my time.
It makes me sad about myself.
My mother was like this too but much worse. She never took responsibility for them and they were frequent occurrences sometimes lasting days.

I feel like I have more of a grip on it than her.
I do struggle with emotional regulation. Not to the extent id merit a diagnosis of anything I dont think.. but the issue is there. Once I get to this state of emotion I find it extremely hard to calm down again and I can make very bad decisions.
When in my teens I even self harmed during these types of meltdowns.
I think there may be a bit of neurodivergence going on... sometimes they are triggered by sensory stuff
My daughter has been diagnosed ADHD. She can struggle to regulate her emotions too.

But I do think the majority of people in the world will have had at least one meltdown in their lives.
Life is hard and people can't always react in an ideal way.

Be kind to yourself. Guilt just makes it worse. It's good to have insight and go over it and think about what you could have done differently to avoid it escalating to that point. Sometimes its a message to us we are taking on too much and need to slow down.. or sometimes its a message about us not communicating our needs and expectations clearly

Grief really does a number on you. After my dad suddenly died i did some absolutely mental completely out of character stuff, that I did not see coming at all. This is why people advise you never to make any important life decisions in the first year after losing someone you love. You aren't completely in control of yourself

That's a fight or flight response, but I bloody love it!

I remember when i was pregnant , dh and i use to have a routine with cooking where one cooked other did pots. But on my cooking nights I would clean as I went so dh would often have a small sink full whereas dh would use every pot and it would take me an hour to clean (pretty sure i ranted on here about it) . Well one week I did Sunday night pots and the roasting pan needed to soak so I left it in the sink soaking overnight. The next few days I cooked then about 4 days later I came to do pots, and the pan was still there. I asked dh and he said “that’s your pot to wash not mine” I was 9 months pregnant at the time and I lost it, the fact that i regularly made his life easier by cleaning up after him and he couldn’t do one pot for me when I was imminently having his child. I cried so much dh was worried a, the neighbours would call the police and b, I would go into labour.

I hope you apologised for your strop to whoever organised it, and helped at least make suggestions for the 2025 one. It’s a completely thankless task for Xmas party organisers even without someone throwing a tantrum.

Yes. I didn’t get diagnosed with adhd until a couple of years ago and then I was able to recognise and reduce the signs of overwhelm, and to pace myself better.

Before that, if I didn’t have a meltdown, I had a migraine. Sometimes I had both.

It’s an absolutely horrible thing to lose control. Horrible for everyone who has to put up with me. And the guilt afterwards can be crucifying. Don’t let the mean comments get to you op. If this is the first time, it could be something like peri menopause rearing its head.

Every few years on average.

It's either a small thing that just exceeds capacity on top of an accumulation of stress, or a couple of times has occured just before the symptoms of being ill. On one occasion it happened the day before my first symptoms of Covid. The second time I know I had it, I had a weird PMT-like mood the day before that was out-of-sync with my cycle; when the physical symptoms showed up the next day it was "oh, that makes sense now"

I generally manage stress well, have healthy coping strategies, decent moods and emotionall articulate. On the rare occasions that slips, it blows over very quickly, it's just very intense for about a minute.