Socialising never picked up after covid

[Kaiti45]

Just that really, we’d recently moved to our village when I had my 10 year old and used to socialise and visit/ have friends round most days when she was a baby, stay with family for weekends etc. Have had 2 more children and now with my current one year old we rarely visit or have anyone around

Yes I suppose some of it could be more to
do with their own anxieties or partners or older
children not wanting people round

People around us work more than ever. Cost of living. Less time to socialize.

I do because at that age I had all that but we had friends over and went visiting all the time. He will go days in the holidays without having meaningful time with anyone but us. He loves it when he does have the occasional play date, visitor or do visit someone.
I am quite lucky that he’ll play on his own for hours too. Think it’s especially hard for him when sees big sister go off with her friends

Yes, surely the fact that most people work during the daytime means the vast majority of people simply aren’t available to socialise at one another’s’ houses? And with more WFH, one spouse trying to work in the dining room is not gong to be keen on the other spouse hosting a noisy playdate in the kitchen next door?

I only became a mum during Covid so I don’t have a point of comparison but I do have two friends who are very intent on us coming to them and I don’t love it if I’m honest.

I feel like I have to keep an eye out and stop my five year old ransacking the house, my two year old gets under everybody’s feet and I can’t sit and chat. It’s much easier in soft play or something.

Maybe people are just busy? I've never felt busier and none of it is popping anywhere 'for a cuppa'. People tend to schedule their time more, rather than do spontaneous things.

I also dont think it's unusual or unhealthy for a 6 year old to spend time with their family over the school holidays. Life is so busy with work, school, clubs, family visits, activities during the school term, it's good to reconnect with family and have some quality time together in the holidays, I think.

Older kids will obvious have more independence and different social needs.

I don’t think it’s THE reason for most but for us it’s because we’re significantly less well off than we were 5 years ago. Less money to entertain, less money to go out and socialise etc, our house is just a collection of mismatching furniture from fb marketplace etc so don’t feel like having guests round. Whereas my parents in the 90s and 00s seemed to constantly have house parties, garden parties , dinner parties etc

At this age line were at class parties every other weekend
then school clubs after school and one at the weekend
And of course play dates

holidays was chill out, family time.

”very sad” - do you really feel like this?

He will go days in the holidays without having meaningful time with anyone but us.

he is 6! He will play, mess around, go out with his mum, dad and siblings, go to park, playground, garden, watch tv.

I personally don't think it's unreasonable to want your child to spend time with people outside of their family for some of their free time. The my little family approach isn't for everyone.

Yes

but at 6…

school
after school clubs
multiple class birthday parties
play dates

MN is an online forum so percentage is probably bigger than the general population but the socially anxious and the anti social found some happiness in lockdown because they didn’t have to see people. They remained the same.

The pressure to look like a perfect house it’s very much more generational, I’m 59 as long as a house is clean I couldn’t give a toss. We sit round the table DH ate his dinner off as a toddler in the 1960’s. @clinellwipe lots of mismatched furniture here, it is all solid wood which we prefer.

I do think cost can be a factor, it’s my 60th next year and I have a big party at home every decade for that milestone. On my 50th I ordered a take away for 25 people. Owner gave me a discount but I know it would be at least double the cost now.

I found by 6 the class parties had dried up and people are too busy for playdates. It's not what I want for my kids at all.

Yes I think that can be an issue and even more so than before we people have more flexible working patterns. I still work traditional office hours part time but many of my friends, although working part time do so ‘within school hours’ and or evenings/weekends so don’t have the traditional couple of days off a week or have 1 day off but so much they need to get done in that time. Mum friends I know from my 1 year old all seem to work almost full time!!

Yes I found this, was almost bankrupt from attending parties every weekend when my 6 year old was in reception, year 1 was a nice balance, year 2 invites have completely dried up, although he’s never had any friendship issues, always good social reports from teachers etc

Yes was definitely the case when the older ones were a bit younger!!

Less SAHM to spend time with. Things were different before most parents work full time.

Tbh I also think children are harder work for playdates than a few years ago. You need to be much more around them.

I do invite but I can't compete with all the clubs and visits to grandparents or family time. I feel like no one wants to know.

We have started a local club once a week though.

Like PP age 4-5 was the party era then an abrupt dry up.

I don't think it's as harsh as not wanting to know, it's that people are busy!

Most parents have always worked FT in my experience.

Why are you interrogating her? She doesn’t need to clarify anything, she’s just chatting about something and loads of us are agreeing. It’s not judge Judy!

My kids were 15 and 20 when the pandemic started so in our family the effect was more on education and employment (or lack of) than socialising. And they have continued to have partners and friends to the house since then. But we haven't really and we only rarely get invited to others' houses other than by family.

I think there are lots of reasons for that - social media / internet to keep people entertained and in touch. Living costs. More women working full time - in my job no one ever returned full time after having a baby, but now a high proportion do, or do 4 days instead of 5.

My view is I'd far rather go out to meet friends and do something interesting or meet for a meal / coffee than invite someone round, when I need to clean up and guess what they might like to eat / drink. I suspect the enforced non socialising during covid just made it easier not to go back to it too.