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Original poster

How to fairly split Xmas food costs

45 replies

DappledThings · 26/12/2025 22:26

Will try to be brief but avoid any dripfeeding.

Christmas this year was at my parents' house. Them, me, DH and our DC (8 and 9), DB, SIL and their DC (10 and 6). We stayed 4 nights and the others are one more night then home tomorrow. We alternate between being with my parents and PIL as do DB and SIL so usually one year we are all 10 together and next year not at all. We have hosted in previous years, DB and SIL haven't as don't have room but would like to.

When we host it costs around £400 on food and booze for the few days people are with us. DB and SIL bring plenty of booze and at least one extra dessert. DPs bring a bottle and some homemade mince pies etc but also always pay for any lunches out on day trips etc.

This year although DPs were hosting DH and SIL decided to offer to cook and sort all food. We set up an order to a local Tesco and it came to £270. DP separately provided the turkey, loads of sausages and bacon and a good supply of cheese.

I had assumed we would basically split it three ways and I would ask my parents for about £90 and DB for the same. But maybe less from DPs as they provided turkey etc and spent £80 on lunch for 9 of us on 24th. DH had assumed that as we pay for all of it when we host they would do the same and give us more like £200 (shop minus all the extra booze that they will have had little of) and DB wouldn't pay anything.

I don't think either of us are right are wrong, just looking at differently. But we have nearly 2 hours of our drive left and as I've done my 2 hour stint behind the wheel I'm filling in the time asking for opinions on this!

OP posts:
Teacaketravesty · 26/12/2025 22:29

I’d ask my brother what he thinks would
be fair.

Raindancer101 · 26/12/2025 22:32

If I was your sibling I'd be offering to split the £270 food shop. I'd not ask parents to contribute as they provided other food and picked up the lunch bill.

Original poster
DappledThings · 26/12/2025 22:34

Teacaketravesty · 26/12/2025 22:29

I’d ask my brother what he thinks would
be fair.

DH is going to text SIL tomorrow. Although it relates to both their in-laws they were responsible for all the food choices and preparation so it's more between them.

DB and I are washer-uppers, we aren't cooks.

OP posts:

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DeathMetalMum · 26/12/2025 22:34

Same as pp I'd be expecting to split the food order with sibling as we had organised it together (chose what we wanted etc). I wouldn't be asking parents for any as you'd offered to 'sort the food'.

IndieRocknRoll · 26/12/2025 23:02

The turkey (& other bits) plus lunch must have come to at least £150 so I would split the rest with your DB.

RosesAndHellebores · 26/12/2025 23:39

DH and I are mid 60s, DS is married (baby on the way), DD not far behind.

If our DC and their children were visiting as our guests, I cannot imagine asking them to chip in. As they have been well brought up, wine, flowers, chocolate and washing up would be gratefully received.

Original poster
DappledThings · 27/12/2025 08:12

One bump for the morning crowd for any other opinions.

I think our difference of opinion is that I saw it as a bit of a takeover of their house so it was like we were going on holiday together so a three way split. DH sees it more as host pays for nearly all of it, as we have done in other years and we were just organising.

OP posts:
rookiemere · 27/12/2025 08:28

I agree you need to pay some of the costs. It sounds like the shop was pretty luxurious if it cost £270 not including the turkey so it’s not the done thing to expect hosts to shoulder costs they haven’t monitored themselves.

Applecup · 27/12/2025 08:30

Raindancer101 · 26/12/2025 22:32

If I was your sibling I'd be offering to split the £270 food shop. I'd not ask parents to contribute as they provided other food and picked up the lunch bill.

This.

Original poster
DappledThings · 27/12/2025 08:38

rookiemere · 27/12/2025 08:28

I agree you need to pay some of the costs. It sounds like the shop was pretty luxurious if it cost £270 not including the turkey so it’s not the done thing to expect hosts to shoulder costs they haven’t monitored themselves.

Shop covered all food for 4 days, just to clarify. Wasn't just Christmas day itself.

OP posts:
RabbitsEatPancakes · 27/12/2025 08:41

I'd split with sibling and not ask parents. They provided the main event and hosted. You offered to sort food. It's not a huge amount different 2 vs 3 ways. Seems churlish to ask them to pay. Plus your kids are older 4 kids those ages probably eat more than your parents.

RosesAndHellebores · 27/12/2025 08:43

I don't think £270 for four days at Christmas, covering six adults and four children is very much at all, even with £150 on Turkey/meat.

Sunnyside4 · 27/12/2025 08:44

I understand DH's point if view if you've paid more when hosting.

If there's going to be a split though, DPs have already contributed and also only two of them, the other two groups are families of four, so eat more.

Original poster
DappledThings · 27/12/2025 08:46

Interesting most responses are pretty much where I was. I hadn't considered DH's point of view that we are effectively paying twice as we don't ask for a contribution when we host and now we are also effectively paying to visit. But having offered to organise the food shop so the whole time was fully catered it feels awkward to ask for more than a third.

Mum has asked how much to settle up and I don't know what to tell her!

OP posts:
HopingForTheBest25 · 27/12/2025 08:51

I think your parents have contributed by having you all to stay and by buying the turkey and lunch out. It's not easy having lots of guests for 4 days and incurs quiet costs (laundry, hot water etc) and tons of additional housework. I wouldn't ask them to contribute any more financially. You and DB should split the Tesco food bill equally imo.
I 'get' the dilemma though, if every time you host, you pay the whole bill and guests don't contribute to the full cost. That only really works if all 3 families host equally. It could be though, that the extras your db and sil bring to your house, do have equivalent financial value.

This might be a good time to reevaluate the cost splitting in future years and whoever hosts just pays 1/3 of the bill - it might be fairer to do a joint shop that covers everything and simply split it 3 ways.
I wouldn't make a big deal of this though - arguing over money will taint the experience. If this was me I'd text my brother and suggest splitting half and half and leaving the parents out of it.

Coconutter24 · 27/12/2025 08:53

DappledThings · 27/12/2025 08:12

One bump for the morning crowd for any other opinions.

I think our difference of opinion is that I saw it as a bit of a takeover of their house so it was like we were going on holiday together so a three way split. DH sees it more as host pays for nearly all of it, as we have done in other years and we were just organising.

Your hosts have provided the turkey, loads of sausages and bacon and a good supply of cheese plus £80 for a meal for you all so wouldn’t it be fair to tell your DP they owe nothing more (plus you will of used their electricity, heating, water etc if you want to be really picky). The food shop should be split between you and your DB

aCatCalledFawkes · 27/12/2025 09:01

I think I would ask your mum how much the turkey etc cost. I bought the turkey for my family gathering this year from the local butcher and it was quite expensive. I think if they are going to offer money you ask for a contribution but also why didn't you talk about this before?

Original poster
DappledThings · 27/12/2025 09:08

aCatCalledFawkes · 27/12/2025 09:01

I think I would ask your mum how much the turkey etc cost. I bought the turkey for my family gathering this year from the local butcher and it was quite expensive. I think if they are going to offer money you ask for a contribution but also why didn't you talk about this before?

I think just because we had both made our assumptions and it didn't really come up. DB and SIL may have made a different assumption. It happened to be us who paid because Tesco was nearest supermarket to parents that had a slot available and we have a Tesco account already.

Turns out DH saw it as parents hosting and us just doing the actual cooking etc so host pays as we have done when we've hosted whereas I saw it more as we offered to sort out all the food and that included paying for it as well as cooking.

So overall it does end up us paying quite a lot more this year and 2 years ago combined than anyone else because we have hosted and paid then visited and also paid.

OP posts:
MatchaTea1 · 27/12/2025 09:16

If you can afford it, I would just write it all off - these things always balance out over the years, I'm sure your brother will host in years to come when he has more room.

WillowIvy · 27/12/2025 09:19

I wouldn’t be asking your parents for any contribution. They’ve already provided the turkey, cheeses, paid for lunch for you all and 8 of you have stayed in their home for 4/5 nights. I think they’ve paid quite enough. It’s really cheeky to ask them to contribute to a £270 Tesco shop after their kind hospitality. Your DH sounds like a tightwad expecting your parents to host 8 people for 4/5 days and contribute to a Tesco shop.

Original poster
DappledThings · 27/12/2025 09:26

WillowIvy · 27/12/2025 09:19

I wouldn’t be asking your parents for any contribution. They’ve already provided the turkey, cheeses, paid for lunch for you all and 8 of you have stayed in their home for 4/5 nights. I think they’ve paid quite enough. It’s really cheeky to ask them to contribute to a £270 Tesco shop after their kind hospitality. Your DH sounds like a tightwad expecting your parents to host 8 people for 4/5 days and contribute to a Tesco shop.

Edited

He really isn't. He was just interested in opinions as asked himself if I thought he was being tight.

We do all of that for everyone when they come to us too and just expect to pay for it and if it hadn't been for us trying to save them work by organising dinners for 4 nights we wouldn't have been involved in paying for the food shop at all as normal.

I hadn't considered his point of view of when we host we pay and that being a contrast to us being guests and still paying but he's not cross about it or planning to demand any money. We will just write it off probably.

Just typical family money awkwardness!

OP posts:
Tiddlywinky · 27/12/2025 09:26

Best option is to split it two ways with your DB.

If your DB objects, then three ways with your parents.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 27/12/2025 09:57

I think it depends on financial position.... unless you are strapped I wouldn't be making a fuss about it tbh.

It could have been avoided if you hadn't done the online shop which they can easily take to be "your contribution". It was a bit of an odd thing to do but equally I can see how it happens.

caringcarer · 27/12/2025 10:34

This year I'd just pay it unless band sil ask then I'd tell them half of bill. Your parents have paid enough. There is only 2 of them to 4 each in your and b and sil family. In future years suggest one large order split 3 ways.

daisychain01 · 27/12/2025 10:36

@DappledThings this is something to discuss in advance of Christmas, so there isn't this awkwardness after the event.

Otherwise the burden of thinking what is a fair equitable split will always rest with you rather than other members of your family inputting and saying what they think. You shouldn't be the only one to figure it out, nor start the conversation this late in the day,

The fact you set up the Tesco order placed burden on you to "recoup" money which becomes the awkward messy bit "after the fact".

if you have an agreement like "whoever hosts pays the bill" irrespective of people choosing to bring additional optional extras that they might want, then the waters aren't muddied and it's something you don't have to worry about. The agreement could be that if your parents are retired on a limited income, and both you and your DB have a reasonable income between you, then you and your DB could split the cost for the main shop and your parents don't ever need to pay.

having to decide this now for this Christmas, I'd find really uncomfortable and wouldn't want to have to negotiate and possibly spoil what was a lovely family time talking about money,

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