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How to not be upset at dh today?

30 replies

anotherdayanothernchange · 24/12/2025 06:23

DH and I have dc, youngest is 8mo. I have done every night feed ever and the days where dh wakes up super early, it’s always me that’s gotten up with them. Always. Db for months now has always slept until 7/8am. Not today. They woke up at 5am, had a bottle and was very sick everywhere. Which I cleaned up. Anyway it was abundantly clear that db was not going back to sleep. They’re wide awake. I am ashamed to say I cried a bit, dh asked what was wrong and I said I’m just exhausted, cue dh staring off into space like he’s hard done by. I said what should I do (to prompt him to do something for once) and dh said put the baby in the cot which is what he’d have done if I asked him to do something. For what? To hear them cry and then get up? I’m so fed up of it. He will now be grumpy when he wakes up and honestly I just feel so upset right now. Probably because of the last 8 months of always me losing sleep. But it’s Christmas Eve, and older dc are excited so I don’t want to ruin it for them. What do I do? Do I tell dh how I feel when he gets up or ignore and pretend everything is fine for the sake of Christmas Eve? FWIW lately I’ve had 0 time to relax, even in the evening. When db went to sleep last night I did housework before falling into bed.

OP posts:
Allthecoloursoftherainbow4 · 24/12/2025 07:41

anotherdayanothernchange · 24/12/2025 06:55

@PersephoneParlormaidyes you’re right. Other Dc aren’t up yet and I’ve had a cry and rallied myself together. DH has actually been like this since Monday; fine when the kids are around, very off with me. Dh actually got up 15 minutes after I did and it’s like why couldn’t you offer to take the baby if you were getting up anyway! I didn’t say this though. This is the man that always has a lie in when possible until 9:30ish, not someone who gets up before 6am. And yes he’s grumpy.

Stop waiting for him to offer. Just hand him the baby and say 'you need to get up and look after the baby, I do this every day and I need a rest so it's my turn to lie in'
If that would provoke refusal/anger then you are married to an arsehole.

QueenStevie · 24/12/2025 07:53

Share the load. Seriously. I have done too many Christmases where I end up and exhausted wreck because I've tried to do everything.
Now I have a list of jobs that need doing that day and I say these are mine and those are yours. What was DH doing last night while you were still doing housework?
What was he like with the other children when they were babies?

Alwayslurkingsometimesposting · 24/12/2025 08:19

He has no reason to act passive aggressive if you're the one doing it all. Is there something deeper going on like he didn't want the third baby? I would try to have a conversation if he's been off with you for days. Also agree with pp, try just being assertive with him and letting him know he's taking the older ones out while you have a nap. It sounds like you're treading on eggshells around him and communicating in hints which is no way to live.

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TheBeaTgoeson1 · 24/12/2025 08:53

Marble10 · 24/12/2025 07:03

Is DH off work now for Xmas? He should give you some time to rest now!
I’d expect him to help out today and let you catch up on sleep later on

It’s not helping out, it’s parenting equally. Language matters.

BernardButlersBra · 24/12/2025 15:28

He's lazy and selfish. You're a mummy martyr. Why would Christmas be any different?

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