Anyone else proud of themselves for how much they juggle?

[dongbibi]

This isn’t meant to sound big-headed, but I had a little moment today where I thought, actually, I do quite a lot. Work, kids, house, remembering who needs what and when… and most days it all just about runs.
A neighbour was saying she feels like she’s constantly behind, and it made me realise how easy it is to only see what’s not done, instead of everything that is. I’m not perfect by any means, but the kids are happy, things get sorted, and we keep ticking along.
Just wondered if anyone else has those moments where you stop and think, yeah, this is hard, but I’m doing a decent job. Sometimes we probably all need to give ourselves a bit more credit.

Yes, I am. I became a mum much younger than most and have managed to juggle launching my career (including more higher education), commuting and raising 2 children all the while living away from family and with a husband who goes away a lot with work (for months at a time). I think I’m awesome but now I WFH and earn a lot more I don’t get much recognition anymore 😢🤣

I am going to join you on being proud at the many achieved things indeed!
It is just too easy to focus on the undone ones.
But I am going to add a caveat: I happily juggle it all for my family, my home and my friends. But not for a job. Yes, of course I will do my best and help when is needed, with the expectation of being noticed and rewarded for it. But I will not do someone else's job, specially for free! I think that is beyond reasonable. And we should all say no to anything that breaks the work/ home balance.
Best luck with all the presents buying and wrapping, the cards, the food shopping and cooking, the decorations, the driving to and from events and family. And keeping the house cleanish and the laundry pile below Everest height. All at once. We do deserve a pat on the back indeed!

I know what you mean OP. Sometimes I’m proud of what I achieve, and what I am able to manage.

I work full-time as a freelance copywriter. I have 16 yr old twins, both of whom are autistic/ADHD with significant needs (both will probably be at home for life - DS is still in nappies etc). Both DC need full support with every element of life - including showering, preparing food, eating, crossing a road, etc.

DP collapsed at work three years ago with a neurological condition and won’t ever work again. He had good and bad days but what he can do is fairly limited.

I live with my mum and stepdad who are in the annexe. DM has cerebral palsy and dementia, and is currently being checked for cancer. Stepdad has had a heart attack and cancer and is in poor health. I care for them both.

Since COVID, both DC are home educated (Y5 of school). DS was in special school but still very distressed and the ed psych was struggling to find a secondary placement that would be suitable for DD.

Just before my DC were born my dad was diagnosed with Huntington’s Disease. My DC were born very premature and were in hospital for a couple of months. When I was pregnant the bio dad disappeared over the horizon, never to be seen again. When my babies were tiny my dad deteriorated and I became his carer. He died when they were 3.

I don’t shout or raise my voice at my DC. I am their safe place. They’re both lovely and I feel genuinely lucky that because of their additional needs, we don’t have to deal with the usual teen stress!

I don’t feel strong-armed into doing what I do. It’s not some kind of internalised misogyny - it’s all been a willing and conscious choice. I like to be busy (I’m autistic and have ADHD), so a full-on home life works for me. I have a small group of close friends, plus other acquaintances/casual friends that I’ve made within the home ed community.

It feels like it’s been a tumultuous 16-17 years or so. I may not be perfect at everything but I do well enough, and everyone seems happy. And I am too.

I’m also well-aware that I sound like a right wanker here, but I promise I’m not this braggy in real life 😂🫣

I used to be but then I realised it’s actually not that much fun trying to keep lots of balls in the air. Now I say no to much more, expect much more of others and have much firmer boundaries. I’m much happier and much less stressed as a result.

Search me. Just make sure you don't martyr yourself because your kids won't thank you for it, and neither will anyone else.

I'm certainly not advocating martyrdom but it's somewhat glib to suggest that a parent (mother or father) can simply abdicate their responsibility to do things for their young children. And for what it's worth - I am very grateful for my Mother for allowing me to do things like pursue hobbies I enjoyed, which undoubtedly required some additional juggling that would have otherwise been unnecessary.

I completely get that too – a lot of what you’ve written sounds utterly exhausting, and I can see why it would feel more like “why am I such a mug?” than pride. Carrying all of that, especially when others aren’t pulling their weight, really wears you down.
I don’t think my attitude comes naturally all the time either – some days I feel exactly like you describe. I suppose I just had a rare moment of zooming out and noticing I’m still standing. But honestly, what you’re doing sounds like a huge amount, and it makes sense to feel fed up with it. I hope at some point some of that load eases for you.

Agree. So many women say how forgetful they are - I think it’s cis we have to remember SO much it’s inevitable some falls out of our overflowing memory.

Yes OP I can relate. I currently work for a well known local charity, I also run my own successful business. I’ve just finished my masters degree also (f2f not online). I’m a lone parent, with two adolescents whom I have a great relationship with. I also have a dog and two cats (one elderly) plus a house to run/maintain and I am also battling cancer. Social life could be a bit better but I work long hours and feel wiped out most of the time. Kids eat well, mainly home cooked meals, sometimes they’ll ask me to do a ‘viral’ recipe.

2026 will be the year of a bit more self care starting with exercise. I have never been as unfit as I am now and I hate it!

PPs are right though. As women we are often the default for a lot of things (one of the reasons why my STBXH is an ex) so it’s worth being mindful about equity of tasks etc in a relationship.

This. I am often labelled forgetful and disorganised over quite insignificant things like not booking my MOT months in advance or not memorising the exact time of my son’s orthodontist appt. weeks before it happens, or not starting my Christmas shopping until December.

I just ask myself if that person would be able to juggle the amount that I do and not drop the occasional ball. Probably not!

I agree, OP. It is important to notice one’s own efforts.

This is a timely reminder to be kinder to myself and not just berate myself for not doing better.

Am trying to work out what i can deprioritise in my life right now cos I'm really struggling. Unfortunately I honestly don't know what it could be. I don't have a social life and I don't have time for sport.

The real tipping poìnt for me is my DCs medical appointments. They currently have about 8 a month between them, which I have to fit in out of school hours (they start school at 8am and finish at 4.30pm) and outside of their sport training and outside of my work hours....and of course inside the Drs availability!

We recently bought a new house and discovered some urgent work that needs doing - redoing the electricity really couldn't wait and neither could the leaky roof, but it all adds up to lots of time (and money!) So we're running on empty.