Tell me about your life with 3 kids.

[Strangesally20]

I’m unexpectedly pregnant with my 3rd child. I have a 2 and a half year old and a just turned 5 year old. Happily Married and financially stable, we have room for a 3rd and a very good support system with grandparents yet I am really struggling to imagine life with a third and if it is actually what I want. We were done at 2 and this was never in the plan. I feel guilty for even considering a termination as “on paper” a 3rd would be no big deal for us but I’m just so unsure of what I want. I’m hoping to hear from people who have 3 kids and what their life looks like, or anyone who was in a similar situation and decided to not continue the pregnancy, did you regret it?

When you are looking after all 3 of them, at some point, one of them will be being ignored, you kinda have to pick who needs you the most in any given moment. You can do 3, you just can’t be precious about meeting all of your children’s needs immediately or making sure no one cries for more than 1 second (sorry screaming baby your bottle will have to wait 5 mins while I deal with a toddler tantrum and wiping someone else’s arse).

Thank you @PamelaDoov this is definitely a concern for me. The dynamic between my children at the minute is a very very clingy 2 year old who’s very mummy obsessed and jealous and a more independent 5 year old. I already feel a lot of guilt that my 5 year old doesn’t get as much attention as her brother although she doesn’t seem to mind or notice, but I worry adding another baby would put her at the bottom of the pile in terms of attention from us. I was just starting to feel like things were getting a bit easier with the toddler and feeling a bit more even at home.

3 are bloody hard hard work no doubt about it. !!!!!

Hard work. I have aged 2,4,6 ( with 16 months between younger two) we have no support system just myself and partner. I don’t regret it though. I’m still breastfeeding the youngest , she’s been quite easy really. I have chronic pain so find it difficult to manage lack of sleep. Also by career is bit stalled although I work part time my motivation is deteriorating for work as can’t be arsed with the corporate bull

Our 3rd was a surprise (with very similar age gaps). Another surprise was the fact DC3 was born with a rare genetic condition and is disabled.

We're many, many years down the line now but having a disabled child wasn't a consideration that even registered with us after 2 "healthy" and "NT" children.

I hate to be the voice of doom but if you're struggling to imagine 3 children then have a real think about how you would cope with a child who has additional issues.

My situation was almost identical to yours at time of DC3 birth- a clingy 2 year old and a very independent almost 5 year old. Honestly they have both coped really well and love the baby so much, they have never acted jealous or resentful. I do sometimes feel a bit bad for the (now) 5 year old though so I know what you mean. I try to explain to him the best I can that I’m not choosing the other 2 over him, and get him some 1-on-1 time wherever possible with me or his dad

Love having three but it’s definitely full on. We have bigger age gaps. I find it so much fun and two felt a bit quiet actually, but I’m definitely at my limit!

I had three under four. Fantastic fun, lots of laughs and games. They sometimes fall out but on the whole are best pals. I can’t imagine life with one less. It’s ace.

Mine were 5y6 months and 3y 9 months when dc3 arrived. It was a bit hectic for a couple of years but very manageable meeting everyone’s needs now, a few years down the line. I work part time and it’s pretty manageable. They might miss the odd activity but everyone gets plenty of attention and support. It would be more difficult for dh and I to get time to ourselves if I was full time. But baby and toddler days don’t last forever. I wouldn’t base your decision on the next two years but more in the longer term. Not do you want a baby now but do you want and think you could handle three older dc and teens.

I have 3 and the youngest has SEN (enough to need a SEND school but he should be more than capable of independence as an adult).

It’s really busy and I do feel like I’m pulled every which way but it’s also brilliant. My mum said to me the other day that we’re like a real family “pack” in that we’re all close and spend a lot of time together even now that the oldest is 17. My career definitely took a hit but a wouldn’t change it.

That said, we actively chose to have a third. You must do what is right for you.

I had three under four and I found it really hard - much harder than I was expecting. Mainly because DC3 was a terrible sleeper and a really tricky toddler. He's now a lovely teen, but there's no shame IMO if you decide that this isn't what you wanted. Sending support with whatever you decide.

Mine are 14 (nearly), 16 and 18. I wouldn't have it any other way. There was scheduling required to make clubs work - trying to get all 3 into swimming on the same night at similar times required skill!
For a while I had 3 at 3 different schools. They are now all in the same place, it's walking distance from home and the eldest drives. So it gets easier. I stayed home until the youngest was about 9. It's busy and fun.

I have 3 kids now 9, 12 and 15. Yes it’s been hard work at times but I am so grateful for my third child as I’ve always been so much more sure of myself as a mum with him. I almost feel like I rushed through the other primary school years in survival mode and now I have a third chance to slow down a bit and try to enjoy things a bit more.

We have managed with normal sized cars and me in the back between car seats and we camp instead of going on holidays as flights / accommodation for 5 are not in our budget and it is absolutely worth it for me. I love having three kids ❤️

We used to spend the whole of Thursday afternoon at the leisure centre 😂 and get all the lessons done one after another …ah the memories. We all cycled then as had one car at the time and my DH used it for work 😅 character building!! . We also briefly had them all at different schools for reasons beyond our control 🥴 but it’s amazing what you can do.

My DH does most evening clubs now and I stay home with whoever isn’t at a club that evening. As they get older I’m even more grateful for all three of them ❤️

A bit different to you as we have 4 and it's wonderful. It's very busy, the laundry never ends, the house is always a mess but I wouldn't change it for the world. I drive a tank people carrier but we also walk alot as it's quicker than loading the car 😂

I work part time DH works full time. I feel like I'm juggling alot of balls and to be honest often drop one but tbh I felt that when we "only" had 2. People often say I'm organised (I dont feel organised) 😂

I don't feel 4 is alot (although our family is complete) but if one of them is out the house seems very quiet!

Also had a third unexpectedly. I don't regret my actual children, but my overriding experience is of being pulled in different directions every waking moment bar TV time. It's not fun. That's before you throw in suspected SEN etc, which we are in the foothills of, and parents' careers. I feel like someone should hand me a medal for having 2/3 children vaguely able to cycle and 1/3 children vaguely able to swim.

I find with 3 there are more practical implications. Although I went from 1 to 3 (twins) so never experienced life with 2. But size of car is a consideration to fit in 3 car seats. Parents are always out numbered. Which creates issues with things that require 1:1 ratios for example some swimming pools, rides at theme parks. Also things like taking out bikes can be challenging when out numbered. Holidays don't always cater for families of 5. Although my 3 generally play really well together we do get tears when 1 is left out.

Mine are 1, 3 + 5. The 3rd slotted in so easily as you already know what you’re doing. I love watching the 3 of them play together.

I actually think it’s really good for the kids not you have your undivided attention, it teaches them independence and stops them being spoilt.

It brings me great comfort knowing that they’ll have each other long after we’re gone.

I love having 3 but my age gaps are much different to yours. I have two under four but my eldest is 17. We have so much fun, everyone gets on pretty well most of the time and I love that feeling of having a ‘house full’. The decision for a third was much easier because our eldest was already independent and doing his own thing, so it felt a bit more like deciding to have a second. Even with one teenager and two car seats we have always managed with a five seater car (albeit a big one - Land Rover Defender ATM). I’m always doing laundry or occupied by one of them, but I’m a SAHM so it hasn’t been super taxing. I also think you’re far more confident when it comes to your third, way more self assured in yourself as a mother.

Obviously things to consider would be - support available to you (childcare/emergencies), is there space in your house for a third, finances, how would it impact your relationship with your DH but if actually sounds like 3/4 these things you have already sorted

I have 3 - all boys and grown up now. When I had my third, my other two were 5 and 3.

I definitely found the jump from 1 to 2 much harder than 2 to 3.
I had the luxury of not having to go back to work for a significant time and perhaps, looking at it through rose coloured glasses with the passage of time, but I really enjoyed it. I was lucky to have placid babies though who slept well.

Now having 3 adult sons who are friends too, it's fab.

One then twins 2years apart
chances of multiple births increase with age .
A real shock at the time but of course you make it work .
It was never in the plans to have more than 2 but honestly it’s mostly great.

Wow thank you for the replies, I’ve read every one. The practical side of things, finances/ support/ childcare/ space at home/ cars etc would be fine might need a bit of juggling but we would manage ok. It really is the emotional/ mental side of things I’m struggling to imagine. I already feel spread quite thin with the two I have, toddler has always been an awful sleeper we still co sleep and he very rarely sleeps through the night but he’s now walking talking and potty trained and can occasionally be reasoned bribed with so life has started to feel a bit easier lately so the idea of going back to the start I’m really struggling with.

a few people have mentioned SEN and I’m ashamed to admit it’s also a huge consideration for me. I feel so incredibly lucky to have two healthy happy children and I truly don’t know how I would cope with a SEN child, I’m not sure I’m strong enough for that.

Im struggling with guilt considering a termination (can’t bring myself to say abortion for some reason) because from the outside a third child seems like no big deal in out situation.

I have three stepchildren and my observation is that they spend most of their time and energy fighting for attention or for things in general. They are teenagers now but even as small children they would attack food on the table and grab things for themselves being used to having to do that. Fighting over who sits where in the car as no one wants the middle seat. Fighting over their parents attention , having to miss out on sports, activities and birthday parties on the weekends because there are only two parents to drive them places so if all three kids have plans someone has to miss out. I know some people will say all siblings fight but honestly it is not like normal sibling rivalry. It is toxic and heartbreaking to watch especially seeing them grow up to be unpleasant to others because it is simply how they are used to interacting. They compete with each other on every level in life.
Their parents don’t see it ( I guess they don’t know any different) and quite often tell me it’s all perfectly normal.
They also think they are this fun, loud bunch while in reality being around them is overwhelming for many people.
so no I would not recommend it based on my experience

Absolutely love having 3, it’s a blessing. Yes it’s hard and noisy and expensive but so much fun. It is expensive to provide opportunities for them all, or even the basics eg school lunch and uniform at state school and childcare when younger.
my age gaps are similar and they are now 7,10,12.
I think one of the things I notice is different is that probably by design we are a bit more self contained than most other families we know who have 1 or 2 children. We don’t host people much because the kids are genuinely so happy being together with each other and just don’t ask to have people over much. We also both work full time and they are happy to chill with us (for now!) at the weekend.

yes when they are really small it’s completely mad but also so many fun and happy memories of those times now they are growing up!

Just because those of us with 3 or 4 love it. You don't have to do this. There is no medal for going ahead.

I forgot to add that holiday are more expensive - not just 1 5th more expensive. You can't get the same deals as you can with 4 of you. So if you have plans to travel lots do bare that in mind.

If I had got PG after my 3 I would have felt the same as you do now. I don't know what I would have done. My husband was adamant there would be no 4....