Tell me about your life with 3 kids.

[Strangesally20]

I’m unexpectedly pregnant with my 3rd child. I have a 2 and a half year old and a just turned 5 year old. Happily Married and financially stable, we have room for a 3rd and a very good support system with grandparents yet I am really struggling to imagine life with a third and if it is actually what I want. We were done at 2 and this was never in the plan. I feel guilty for even considering a termination as “on paper” a 3rd would be no big deal for us but I’m just so unsure of what I want. I’m hoping to hear from people who have 3 kids and what their life looks like, or anyone who was in a similar situation and decided to not continue the pregnancy, did you regret it?

I love having 3, our third was unexpected too, but I can’t imagine life without her now. Ours are 15,13 and 8 and get on pretty well with each other, they are well behaved in public and we have taken them abroad where they were fantastic. I will say that the jump from 2 to 3 was a hard one, it was exponentially more difficult in the early years but they are fleeting and now they are all older, we have a lot of fun.

We have 3 new board games coming for Christmas which I cannot wait to play with them all. We just have a very fun, very calm household.

I felt the same as you when I found myself unexpectedly pregnant with our 5th - our boys were 10, 7, 4 and 2 and I was ready to start getting my life back a bit. But we went ahead and had another boy, he's 25 now and we all adore him and wouldn't be without him! Yes it was hard managing feeling grim & sick with pregnancy and looking after my other kids and I worried how I would manage with a baby and school/nursery runs etc but you do fit it all in - even if it's a bit hectic for a while!

We went from 2 to 4 (twins) with 14 months between then youngest and the twins. Hardest thing I’ve ever done. They all fight for attention, pull on my heartstrings. Life is chaotic as we both work full time too, never get any sleep really. BUT also the best thing I’ve ever done. They all love each other so much and I’m so happy they’ll all grow up together so close in age

We had 3 in 4 years it was busy but not impossible it’s a long time ago so there were no nurseries etc etc but it was lovely family life everyone mucked in and there was never the head to head arguments you can get with two. We never had much money they are all in their 30s now and I have never ever regretted it. A bigger family is fun. Holidays were cheap self catering but it’s just great!!!

It might be worth having the termination counselling if you are not sure how you feel. I firmly believe women should do what is right for them, but I’m also aware that termination is not emotionally cost-free.

On the question of 3, I have found it wonderful. When I was expecting my third I told myself that in the short term it would be chaos, but eventually I’d be glad I’d done it. And all that was true. I think the more kids you have, the less intensively you parent each one and actually that’s a good thing for them. They need your love and warmth but actually too much attention is not necessarily good for them. The main consideration, as much as the size of your house and your finances, is whether you have the capacity to cope with some extra chaos. If you are already stretched to your limit, snappy and shouting every day, you might not want to add a third. If actually you’re more or less ok at the moment, you’ll probably be fine.

I think if you really feel you will love a third and make it work then go for it otherwise you’ll regret it and wonder what if.

But if your overarching thought is that you are spread too thinly as it is and worry how you’ll cope then maybe consider not going ahead.

I do think people in general romanticise having lots of children and big families but I think it’s important to stick to the number of children you feel you can manage.

I stuck with two and am glad I did but I’m a single parent so it’s a bit different. But they are 10 and 7 now and I still feel this way.

Had a third baby this year. DC1 was 4.5 yo and DC2 was 20 months.
it’s been amazing! Mainly because eldest child is sensible and great listener (albeit very active) and baby has been a unicorn very smiley and pretty good sleeping (but never slept through the night just not a complete awful sleeper), toddler has struggled a bit I must admit but my husband has stepped in there a lot vs how he was before number 3. So far I love it! There are squabbles and also I have had all 3 crying on a few occasions (a bit overwhelming!) but I love it

I don’t have 3 kids I have 2. I have a close friend with 3, and tbh it looks hell and she knows that she should have stopped at 2. She underestimated the demands of older children, doubling cost of holidays and the crippling nature of so
many things when something in your life falls down (a sick parent, a doubling mortgage). 2 is still work but so much easier from my observation.

My third is only 9 months old, so I have limited experience of three. Others were 22 months and 3.5 years when she arrived.

It’s been great so far. Older ones love each other and love the baby. 2-3 has been much easier than 0-1 or 1-2. So much so, that I’d actually love a fourth.

But I can appreciate that it’s not for everyone.

I'm finding 3 hard at the moment but I have also started full time (and required over time) work for the first time since I went on mat leave with my 14 year old!

It's also Christmas and birthday season so I feel very very stretched.

What I would say is it is easier if I am taking care.of myself first. I'm not doing that currently and that is adding to the problems. My plan over my Christmas break is to get back into some of the things I need.to be a better mum.

Oh and on a practical level everything feels like it is designed for a family of 4. This makes things tricky.

We have 3 and it works for us. But DD2 has SEN anxiety and EBSA so nothing is straight forward. Not a result of having 3 but we didn't know when we went from 2-3. Life has been increasingly hard. I suppose our lesson is - you don't know what is around the corner so if you're not prepared to give your whole heart to another nl matter what then don't do it

I have 3 with approximately 3 years between each pair.

Yes, there have been tough times, but generally pretty positive. I'd say that at any one time there were two of them that were closer - but it varied.
I'd say when very small it was 2&3, then became 1&2, then for a time was 1&3 - but even within those times there would be harmony with the third.

They're now adults (uni or just left home) and generally get on well. #1 popped in yesterday to go Christmas shopping with #2 (#3 was busy)
They came back with a takeaway to share with #3. They then sorted some stuff out together and sat around chatting for a couple of hours before #1 thought they better go as they had to drive back.
Yes, you do sometimes still get the "Mum, tell X not to breath/follow/smile" etc but relatively little. And it means that they have two others who have their backs.

I think this always needs to be a consideration, and how that could change the family dynamic. You're not guaranteed to have a baby that will just slot in with how things are currently.

I have three and love it (although youngest is only not quite two) and she has slotted in like people say about a third. However, we had always planned three (trying to persuade my husband on #4!) so very different to your unexpected pregnancy. I'm sure you would manage practically to split your time between three, but there is no doubt that they get less 1;1 time and attention and just because many people have said they enjoy having 3 doesn't mean you have to.

I feel for you. I know what it’s like to consider a termination (our first was “unplanned” - I (a woman just to be clear) have sexomnia 😳😳😳 or so we found out one month into our marriage!) we decided not to terminate in the end and it feels easy to look back and think we made the right decision but the truth is whatever we decided we would have MADE right for us.

if you can get some quiet time to close your eyes and picture your Christmas table (or the equivalent for you if you don’t celebrate Christmas) 10 / 20 / 30 years from now what does it look like? Who is there? And how do you feel? That can help guide you on what you REALLY want and that’s the key I think - go with what you really want not what you think you should want and then go all in with no regrets on that choice whichever one it is ❤️❤️❤️