What is your max age for first baby?

[bushproblems]

Hi all,

I am in a pickle. I’m 38 and gave myself a deadline of 40 to have a baby.

Long story short, we tried for a couple of years then the last year I have relaxed a bit and gave up on the ovulation tests etc, So ttc for 3 years with no positive results. We have had the basic fertility tests and no problems have been found with either of us, so we were offered IVF.

We are still undecided on whether to go down this route because we kind of wanted to see if it happened naturally, but either way, I have 9 months to get pregnant. With or without help.

Now that my self imposed deadline is under a year, I’m not sure how to feel.

I personally think it’s not ideal for me to a baby in 40s, for me or baby, although I definitely don’t judge mums who have had babies a bit later. But I also feel a bit of panic that I’m nearing the end of the road.

Would you go past 40 with your first? What would your reason be for yay or nay?

I did, im 52 in jan and have a 10 and 6yo, do not regret it one bit. Sure I'm way more tired than my younger mum friends, but I'm also way fitter and healthier than most of my friends my age and at the end of the day I didnt have a choice to have them earlier for several reasons (not having the right partner for one) and if I'd told myself to give up any hope at 40 life would be very different now. I didnt have fertility treatment BUT did have early miscarriages when ttc no.2 - noone can categorically tell me that was because I was 45 but I guess stats suggest more likely.

People do but in your situation I wouldnt wait around!

My friend had a surprise 3rd at 43 and was absolutely fine. I think 44 would be my limit if I hadn’t had any children- I’m finished for sure after my 3rd at 35 - felt like the top end I was comfortable with

First baby I would just struggle to give up until I physically couldn’t because I wanted a baby so much. Subsequent babies I would feel differently about

I didn’t think of having a child until I was over 40.
I also used to reckon I wouldn’t, if I didn’t by 40…
Having a baby at 44 was a surprise. I was lucky!

A lot of people do.

i personally wouldn't wait around.

my 1st dc is from IVF

I’d book to see ivf doctor, as if you ve been trying and nothing happened for 3 years, then by the time you get appointment.. that’s another 6 months gone.. I had baby at 37, and another one at 38 .. they’re teens now , thank God

My personal cut off point was age 40. I had my child at 36. I’m now 43 and accepted DC is an only child.

I had my first (and only) at just shy of 41 because that’s how life worked out, and it took us 3 years to conceive. I had a textbook easy pregnancy that allowed me to be active throughout, short labour with no pain relief and due to being blessed with a very chill baby with no reflux issues etc, and a husband who pulls more than his weight, do not recognise the horrors of sleep deprivation often shared on MN.

Honestly compared to some younger Mums in my baby social circle I seem to have found it less of a shock / complete change to lifestyle than they have.

Bear in mind that many here who say they couldn’t possibly have a baby at 40 are coming from a place where they already have 2 or more young children. That’s why they’re exhausted, not because of their age.

Wishing you all the best OP.

I’m 44 and have had my DC and wouldn’t want to have another one. If I hadn’t already had them though I’d probably try up to about my age

I wanted to concieve my last child before 30 to minimise any issues. Realise this is a niche view ( although one DD has inherited so far).

It’s so difficult because I still feel 25 in my brain! Like I still have loads of time, but I don’t.

I wanted a baby by 30 and had my ds at 28 but I had been with dh since 18, married at 24. Ds is nearly 13 now.

35 for me. Last DC was born when I was 30.

It depends on few factors and I don’t think I would base it on age alone. If I really had to pick I would say 45. Having said that please get your IVF appointment booked cause it will take long anyway for you to be seen but if you wait to make a decision it might be too late for you. I fell pregnant at 39 after long time trying and i look at my baby and feel so grateful that we have her in our life

Go for the ivf if you want a baby. I had my first at 33 and had secondary infertility and ended up getting IVF for my second at 37. We started trying before I turned 35 and it just didn’t happen we were trying for over 3 years. Ivf worked immediately. I don’t know why we couldn’t get pregnant naturally. There is no shame in getting ivf. I have a delightful baby boy now and wish I had gotten help sooner. There is nothing wrong with being an older mum. My mum had me at 38 naturally. I didn’t even notice she was an older mum until I was an adult and she is still happy and healthy in her 70s.

I said 20 MAX when I was a teen (lol)
30 MAX in my 20s.
And ended up having my first and only at 40 and that was after a divorce and rushing to meet someone in time.
Really wish I started earlier but that's life isn't it!
I know several women in full panic mode ttc for the first time early 40s. Ironically I would've been the first in my friend group to have a baby but I regrettably aborted in my early 20s at the begging of a bf.
One thing I will do for sure is tell me dd about not waiting until mid 30s to start thinking about it. I can see now why even in my mid 20s my granny was harassing me to start. I would say the ideal age is begin 25 wrap up by 35.

I never set an age (but I was 20 when I first started trying) however I did set a self imposed number of rounds of treatment (my cut off was 6). I concieved on the 6th! By which point I was also ready to stop either way just from the effects of treatments (physically, emotionally and financially).
Before I started treatment I had to have some counselling (mandatory before they started) it was really useful to discuss this without being judged. My family and friends felt I should just carry on (because I was still young), not set deadlines, but for me that line in the sand helped me.
So I dont think there was ever an age more a timespan where by my life had been ruled around getting pregnant/having tests/having treament/waiting and either way I needed that to be over.
So I'd say if you need to stop you stop, if you need to try IVF so you dont have regrets you do that and if you need a cut off date you have one. But for everyone that's going to be different, but for those that have been on this journey they'll understand the toll it takes on you and the need to 'finish' or 'try one last time'. I know of people that kept on going till it was impossible for me that would have been wrong, for some thats the right thing.

Started TTC at 32 and had no cut off age- as wrongly assumed we'd have 2 kids soon and be done. In total, we TTC 11yrs including also rounds of IVF and lost 3. No cause for sub-fertility ever found.

The final straw came when the last IVF consultant I spoke to asked if I'd considered donor eggs. Well no, because in 11yrs- not one Dr had ever mentioned it before! It might seem odd that I'd never thought about it, but even at about 42, I wrongly assumed we'd still have our own children. I did alot of reading, looked into donor eggs both here and abroad. By then I was nearly 43, DH late 40's and we decided to stop.

I agree with signing up for IVF. It doesn't mean you need to have it, but you can get on the waiting list. Also check whether its even available on the NHS in your area. Some areas cover none for any age, others will only give say 1 round after 40. Also check the BMI restrictions and if applicable, smoking/drinking/other lifestyle restrictions which might delay you getting it approved.

No, I wouldn't. I had my first at 31 - all easy, conceiving, carrying, birth. However, it has been a struggle to have our second child. I've concieved very easily - first try again, this time at 33. But sadly ended in a loss. Then I had a Chemical pregnancy (very early loss) and then another miscarriage. Now I'm 35 and pregnant again, luckily all looks good this time.
With the losses I've had, and this is with conceiving straight away each time, I wouldn't have liked to be any older. With age increases the chance of losses, and potentially taking longer to concieve too.

Met my husband at 35. We only decided to try when I was 40.
i have stage 4 endometriosis but….
I fell pregnant first month of trying. This was the case twice both ended in miscarriages not due to age but a health condition we didn’t know about (not endo related)
Once I could be treated for the condition we tried again and I fell pregnant second month of trying. I was high risk due to my medical history but the pregnancy and birth were textbook.
Gave birth at 42 and it’s just wonderful! I don’t feel my age, i look a lot younger, I feel brilliant and so over the moon I have my little
girl.

I didn’t decide I wanted one until I was 40. Conceived DD the same year.

I only wanted one but wouldn’t have had a cut off specifically. I don’t think a rigid number is helpful, it’s how you feel.

I felt too old at 44, that’s when peri stated for me. I had a pregnancy scare which absolutely scared the shit out of me so knew then that was too old.

I resonate with this. The cut off date has always helped me, but now that it’s looming, I feel panicked.

I will go on the list for ivf like a few of you have said, but I think I’ll keep the cut off in place. Otherwise, I’m just in limbo till menopause.

I had my 11 month old at 42, wouldn’t have chosen it but I’m glad I did, he’s wonderful!

Had my first at 39, my fourth (and definitely last!) at 46. All healthy and naturally-conceived. It's been a mad time, and I know I'm very, very lucky. I wouldn't wait any longer, OP, get the IVF ball rolling.