Do you have your own savings?

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My partner and I have always had our own savings. This was why I didn’t want to get married when we were about to have children as I had savings. I wanted to keep them just in case things didn’t work out.

We have now had a civil partnership (once they became legal for heterosexual couples.) We still have kept our own savings but I have money in an online account that he doesn’t know about.

I have never wanted to be blindsided if he left me and our children and find that I had no money. We are happy now but reading on her so many men seem to leave their wives.

He sounds terrible! I’ve always wanted to be prepared just in case. I have two young children so would need to provide for them. Both my parents are dead so I wouldn’t have somewhere to go temporarily so would need to afford a place to live.

Yes, we each have separate savings. We were married very young and in the beginning neither of us had anything. When he got a redundancy payout he asked to put most of it on my name, as he would have been tempted to blow it. I'd have given it back if he asked but he knew he wouldn't ask for frivolous stuff. We used it towards a house deposit. We've since built up savings and have ISAs. It isn't a secret, but neither of us would be destitute if we split.
My mum has been recently widowed and most stuff being in joint names has been helpful, but my dad (nor mum) was not financially controlling so she didn't need protecting.

@RosesAndHellebores Yes, keeping finances separate doesn’t necessarily mean keeping them secret.

Yes of course, in my view it’s critical as an adult to be financially self sufficient with your own savings,

I’m beginning to see that but while things were being sorted I would use the money to provide for me and my children.

Always had separate savings and bank accounts, although all our money is shared regardless of who earned it.
edited to add- all completely transparent: he knows how much I have in my name and vice versa.

I was brought up to be financially independent, and I have mostly been. I have never felt so vulnerable as when our DC were young and I wasn't working - not that DH was in any way abusive - just the what if.

As OPs have said, while in a divorce all finances would need to be declared, it is important to have access to funds in the short term to tide you over - should the worst happen. I know of women being widowed and not having immediate access to money as their late husbands managed all the finances.

I know all about my DH's savings, but when I try to talk about mine he's not interested!

Having your own money gives you choices. It means you are only ever there as you want to be.

I was a SAHM for a few years and I was so glad I have savings as you’re in a very vulnerable position when you give up work.

Everyone needs a Fuck You fund. Whether it's for work, relationship etc.

That’s what my dad taught me! He said you always need to be able to walk away and have money to do it!

I don't understand the thinking of a secret savings account, if you get divorced you have to declare it. My ex SIL tried to keep money quiet and the courts did not take kindly to it.
Also assuming you are not married to someone financially abusive why do you need a separate account in case you want to leave? Surely you just leave and access the joint account. Even if you open your own account and transfer some of the money (your share)
Surely if you think non of this is feasible you are married to the wrong person?

Yes in that we have ISAs and savings accounts in our own name, but the savings in my name aren’t “mine” (they include his family inheritance, for example) and it’s not 50:50, but we would both have access to thousands of pounds of immediate cash if needed, and I’m a high earner so would be fine without DH financially anyway.

I also hold/have access to most of the savings and there genuinely isn’t a scenario where I wouldn’t give him half of it if we split.

It seems that when a man leaves they seem to become a different person sometimes so they might empty the joint accounts etc. Having secret money means I can pay the bills and look after my children.

Right now I would say the same. I would give my partner half but reading on here it seems some men become quite nasty when the leave and empty out the joint accounts!

Everything separate except the current account (for bills, we each have another for personal spending). My parents did the same except the one current account was for all spending and it's made it a lot easier now one is in a care home and I'm having to separate their finances and access savings.

Really, I know a few marriages that have ended and that's never happened.

When I left, I needed to pay the rent/deposit on a one bed flat, and I needed to find three months nursery fees before I could prise any contribution out of my ex.

He threatened to starve me back, until he received a cease and desist letter. I had to pay the solicitor too.

That was just the first 12 weeks.

I get all this from posts on Mumsnet from women who have been blindsided by their husbands leaving. I know a couple of people who divorced and is was very amicable.

Our finances are both joint as we have been married over 43 years and have children together but we do have stocks and shares isas and cash isas in our own names. I also have some personal savings as does DH just in case something happens to either one of us plus we both save for different things. DH for tools, gadgets etc and me for theatre trips and walking holidays.

We always had all shared money but because of ISA and pension rules most savings were in sole names.

I managed it all though, and sometimes joked that if I ran off with the milkman DH wouldn't even know how much he'd lost. Which isn't at all funny really and I definitely wouldn't have let that sotuation arise in reverse.

I have savings of precisely £106. Another separate account I have allocated for my child of £700. Husband has close to quarter of a million saved up in investments.

We have separate savings for a few reasons:

1. I have a reasonably significant amount of assets from my parents. Whilst I'm happy to use these discerningly on our family and our son, I believe it makes sense for it to remain separate.
2. We have different practical methods of making savings, and his annoys me.
3. Most importantly, we have very different approaches to risk/types of investment etc. I idly asked for his thoughts on what I planned to do with my own savings recently and it ended up in a heated argument within seconds! He said (and rapidly retracted) "well if you're not even going to follow my advice, why ask?". I pointed out it was my money, my choice, and I was only asking out of interest!

My investments tend to outperform his anyway.

We consider our finances to be joint. Only the current account is actually in both names. Our savings are split between us, but fairly randomly, so who has what depends on which account we decide to transfer savings too. I would never have a secret account and would be upset if dh hid savings from me. We use a spreadsheet sheet to monitor accounts/spending etc, so we both know what’s in the others accounts. If we ever divorced all money would have to be declared anyway so what would be the point of individual savings? We both work so would both have access to money if the other suddenly left/got ill etc.